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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this wedding idea make me stingy/cheap

150 replies

Flissity83 · 11/08/2015 13:32

A bit of advice please...

Me and my partner want to get married but we have very little money due to debts and childcare costs etc...

We'd rather not wait for ages to save some money so I am thinking of ways of having a big celebration but not costing thousands.

Would it be a cop out to have a late ish wedding service (say around 4ish). Then hire a space to have a party. Ignore the sit down meal with speeches but to have a hog roast/decent buffet, some music and some booze. That way people can see us get married and celebrate with us but we avoid all the usual traditions in the middle.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 11/08/2015 18:05

Sounds great! We had an early wedding and a BBQ. It was perfect.

ArcheryAnnie · 11/08/2015 18:20

That sounds fantastic. Doesn't take up the entire sodding day for your guests, they get to see you wed AND get hog roast (mmmmm, hog roast) without having to hang about for hours, and is generally less stressful for everyone.

Have a lovely time!

nooka · 11/08/2015 18:48

Our wedding timings were very similar 20 years ago. At the time the traditional wedding was early afternoon service at church followed by tea in a marque, so the only bit that was slightly unusual was having the last service and an evening party. I don't know where the current all day approach has come from, it seems excessive to me. My brother had a similar style wedding last year (although he has the ceremony at the venue).

I think the order went service, travel to venue, buffet meal and then short speeches, cake cutting and dancing. everyone seemed to have a good time :)

mrssmith79 · 11/08/2015 19:12

Do it! We got married at 5pm, 28 guests, we stuck a couple of hundred behind the bar at the venue so they could get a drink to do speeches and toasts, few sandwiches and nibbles to tide them over. This brought us to about 7pm when the DJ turned up and the evening guests started to filter in (90 or so). Hot and cold buffet at 8:30 and a great time was had by all!

All done at the same venue so no faffing about with travel. Loads of other ways we kept costs low (no photographer, just asked everyone for a copy of theirs). Was the best night ever ( I may or may not have been ratarsed by 8:00).

BakeOffBabe · 11/08/2015 19:16

Brilliant idea!

Can I come?!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 11/08/2015 19:16

Sounds perfect. But please remember the vegetarians and make sure they get something as exciting as hog roast (ie something hot and not just salad, curling sarnies and soggy coleslaw, which is the usual buffet fare).

Surelynotabridezilla · 11/08/2015 19:22

This is exactly what we're doing in two weeks, right down to the ceremony time! Makes perfect sense to me, we have far better things to spend money on. We've bought so many lovely things from boot sales over the summer to decorate the place cheaply, and my dress and his suit were both amazing charity shop finds. We could have spend absolutely thousands, but realised fairly sharpish, we had no one to try and impress. We want to get married, the party afterwards is lovely, but not worth getting into debt over, or waiting years to save for.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 11/08/2015 19:35

We did this and it was bloody fab Smile

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 11/08/2015 19:39

Other ideas I liked, having the guests being a flower each to hand to you to make your bouquet. Like the bring a cake and bring a bottle! Ask guests to take pics and get a cloud account set up for them to up load to - put the address on the invites. Hope it's dry, sounds like a blast.

bikeandrun · 11/08/2015 19:43

We got married at 11, had lunch in local restaurant and then everyone went home( about 30 guests) I was very pregnant and felt like an early night. I am sure some people thought it was a bit odd but it suited us!( still married 11 years later)

PingpongDingDong · 11/08/2015 19:56

Sounds great, do it your own way. We're doing ours very simply and cheaply and I'm sure it'll be fantastic too. Best of luck!!

qumquat · 11/08/2015 19:57

Sounds like the kind of wedding I'd like to go to!

TendonQueen · 11/08/2015 20:03

Excellent plan. If you could book a room in a pub, that would solve the seating problem, but I don't know if you can bring in hog roasts for that. Otherwise look at halls that have plenty of chairs available

I like the idea of saying it's a retirement party - it's true, it's your retirement from single life...

roofio87 · 11/08/2015 20:13

this is exactly what we have just done. was much cheaper and we avoided all the boring hanging around and formality of a sit down dinner. was amazing, I loved it and don't regret a thing!!

roofio87 · 11/08/2015 20:15

also took away any stress of day/nighttime guests. we just had everyone for the whole thing

Reubs15 · 11/08/2015 20:31

From a guests point of view I would much prefer this type of wedding rather than a traditional one! Hope you have a fab time

Peacheykeen · 11/08/2015 20:37

Sounds perfect to me

Original poster
Flissity83 · 12/08/2015 10:43

I think the hog roast might be out... the cost is barmy!!

My fella likes the idea or a big BBQ that we start and get people to take in turns keeping an eye on/turning sausages etc. Will mean our Makro card will get some use out of it. We could then ask some people to bring salads/bread rolls etc. I also like the bring a bottle idea instead of wedding gifts.

It's all very exciting.

Thank you for all the positive feedback.

OP posts:
Whatisaweekend · 12/08/2015 10:50

I think that sounds absolutely lovely! It contains my fave elements of weddings: you get to see the couple get hitched, LOVE a hog roast plus a bit of a boogie. Marvellous!!

MoralityPlay · 12/08/2015 10:51

It sounds perfect. I definitely prefer this kind of wedding to the more formal type.

Food + friends + music + a bit of booze is all you need.

I find seat covers, matching napkins etc etc etc a bit pointless (but each to their own.Smile )

Sheezus · 12/08/2015 10:57

It sounds perfect.

A friend is planning her wedding at the moment. I'm nodding in all the right places but all the things she thinks are fun and different have all been done before.
I suggested tactfully that the huge expense was not always worth it and she got the hump!!
I'll continue nodding in future.

TheRealAmyLee · 12/08/2015 11:01

We did this. Late wedding, buffet and party. Nice and cheap but loved by everyone as its super chilled

Crinkle77 · 12/08/2015 11:45

Friend of mine did that and I liked it as it was so much more relaxed.

MagicMojito · 12/08/2015 11:48

It does sound like a lovely day. You should have the day you want to have and that you and dh will enjoy.

That being said, I think weddings in stately homes, with sit down meals and all the traditional stuff are lovely too. I wouldn't say its any better or worse than the type of wedding the OP wishes to have, just different.

Congrats on the upcoming nuptials OP, however you choose to do it! SmileFlowers

designedbynature · 12/08/2015 12:08

Positives; Sounds fun, as it would be a later party you can decorate the venue/tables yourself to save money further. You can order wedding flowers on line, already made into a centre piece etc etc depending on time of year candles might be nice. You can invite more people as the cost per head will be lower.

As others have said when asking for quotes don't mention wedding as this will bump the cost up even further. (I arranged a Limo without saying that is was for a wedding and it was %50% cheaper).

Negatives; People might not travel for an evening party, so you might get declines from people that live a distance away? Food wise you might need to offer an alternative for the Hog Roast, it isn't everyones idea of fun, not everyone eats Pork and it seems to be a vegetarians nightmare, you can pre order great platters from most supermarkets and Costco. People might go home early if they have children.

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