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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this wedding idea make me stingy/cheap

150 replies

Flissity83 · 11/08/2015 13:32

A bit of advice please...

Me and my partner want to get married but we have very little money due to debts and childcare costs etc...

We'd rather not wait for ages to save some money so I am thinking of ways of having a big celebration but not costing thousands.

Would it be a cop out to have a late ish wedding service (say around 4ish). Then hire a space to have a party. Ignore the sit down meal with speeches but to have a hog roast/decent buffet, some music and some booze. That way people can see us get married and celebrate with us but we avoid all the usual traditions in the middle.

AIBU?

OP posts:

designedbynature · 12/08/2015 12:17

Just seen you latest update about BBQ, how many people are you thinking of cooking for?

OrangeIsMyNewBlack · 12/08/2015 12:20

I absolutely love all of these ideas and I'd just like to say that by far the best wedding I have attended was a friend of a friend. I was there as a plus-one in summer of 2013 and it was incredible.

We were told not to dress too fancy and everyone should wear converse-style daps. We were also told because the couple had lived together for five years and were spending their money on the honeymoon, that they 100% didn't want gifts. Instead, everyone was given a specific amount of food to purchase/make/aquire, and to BYOB

They ended up with permission from their local council to have the ceremony in a public park, there were about 75 people there and everyone sat on the grass on picnic blankets as they were married. They used the bandstand with rented tables as a buffet hub and just told everyone to help themselves. They supplied bottles of homemade cloudy lemonade and put on some music with speakers dotted around, and we had a few hours of partying there. It was incredible. Absolutely stunning.

By far the happiest and most fundamentally perfect wedding I've ever been to. Family-style food, party games for the kids on the lawn, no DJ, no crappy alcohol-fueled fights, no rifts... It was just completely stripped back to the total basics and it made me really see what's important about a wedding day.

Sansarya · 12/08/2015 13:55

A work colleague had a reception where everyone brought a plate. It was actually really nice as there was loads of food and as his friends are pretty international, lots of dishes I'd never tried before. However I'm aware that a BYO wedding might be anathema to a lot of people!

Hayels · 12/08/2015 14:49

Definitely. Have been to a few weddings like this and find they're usually the best! No waiting about, no boring speeches (which they usually are unless you know the B&G very very well) and no awkward separation between day and evening guests. Good for you- have an amazing day

saresywaresy2 · 12/08/2015 14:54

Yanbu but I think just a little clink clink of the glass and a small speech is good. Went to one recently similar and without speeches and we were a bit lost as to what was happening next - turns out there was no dh or band and it just petered out. But we didn't know that was happening, also think speeches help all guests feel involved and welcomed

SamJohnsonsBoy · 12/08/2015 15:24

DD had something like this for her wedding and it was great (but I'm prejudiced). Just remember if you decorate the hall yourselves, you'll need to organise a working party for the day after to take them all down again.

YouTheCat · 12/08/2015 16:51

My wedding was very cheap.

Hired a hall. They did an excellent deal on a buffet and let us provide our own whisky and asti for toasts. My dad provided the music by playing the piano.

I went to a wedding recently where all of the guests brought something for the buffet. It was really lovely.

trollkonor · 12/08/2015 16:54

Not at all stingy. Ive been to a couple of weddings with this format and I think they're moe enjoyable.

Mrsleighdelamare · 12/08/2015 17:07

Been to weddings like this, and ours was anything but formal. Much more fun.

All I will add is that when my mum got remarried, she insisted on no speeches and the day was really weird. In the end my DH got up and said Congratulations Leigh's Mum and new husband.

As much as speeches can be a snooze fest, I would recommend that someone at least stands up and says congratulations to the bride and groom, awesome day etc. This could be you and the groom of course - Thanks for coming, love you all, now let's get pissed.

Murfles · 12/08/2015 17:09

We did this but had it in the hay barn. We hired loads of lights that we strung around, hired a band, had a hog roast and buffet and bought in a bar. We had a great day. A friends DD is having her reception in that barn next year too.

Buttmunch · 12/08/2015 17:21

I went to one just like that a few weeks ago. Hog roast. Gateaux. Disco. Bouncy castle. It was lovely :) There was a bar so you could buy drinks. My wedding was relatively cheap compared to most. About £5000 all in.

ghmummy · 12/08/2015 17:22

Was thinking the same actually. Also trying to fit in a liverpool theme for my partner (as a suprise) saw some offers on the deal sites locally so tryi g to decide between the two options

RoboticSealpup · 12/08/2015 17:31

If you don't have a huge budget, or just don't fancy spending 10k+ on a wedding, this is exactly what you should do, IMO. I think that sounds miles better than all those complicated arrangements (asking guests for cash, inviting only half the guests for the dinner, etc) that people come up with these days just because they think they have to have a three course meal in a fancy venue. Can I come?

mumofamudmagnet · 12/08/2015 17:32

My Mum did this and it was the most fun wedding I've ever been to. Everyone had an amazing time. The atmosphere was so much more relaxed and she was happy that she could have everyone there and didn't have to leave people out due to limited space and funds for the meal. It was a lovely day and great fun. I say go for it. It's exactly how I would do it.

cantbelieveimonhere · 12/08/2015 17:33

This would be totally fine. Normal in other places eg usa

Polska03 · 12/08/2015 17:33

My sister-in-law got married at the weekend. They actually had a chippy van come for the meal and then a bit of a buffet later. Very cost effective and it was excellent! I think your idea sounds fab ???? Formal weddings aren't everyone's cup of tea, it's your big day you do it exactly as you want x

Coxey11 · 12/08/2015 17:51

We had a registry office marriage at ten am, then back to ours for a bbq that was our reception!! My cake was bought from tesco and I decorated it myself - our last guest left at midnight so it can't have been that bad!! Do what ever you want to make you happy xx

MsInterpret · 12/08/2015 17:51

Sounds really similar to ours - village hall, decent buffet, tho we had considered a hog roast. Loads of booze, few stand-up brief speeches and dancing into the wee hours with good music, NOT rent-a-dj who actually plays all the songs you put on his DO NOT PLAY list (this really happened to my friend ).

Had a fabulous time and lots of people comment it was very 'us' and that they had a great time! (Not-so-stealth boast)

cheznal · 12/08/2015 17:52

We got married in 2007, and the whole thing cost me £1270 including a dress, church, pub room and buffet after service, social club and buffet for the rest of night. Cake was a gift from my nanna& mam's friends. Suits were 'wear your own'. Hubbys came from asda for £17. I provided the ties for ushers, best man, fathers and made my own & bridesmaid bouquets. Bridesmaid dresses came from ebay. I spent a small fortune on wedding rings from 'half price jewellers'- mine an 18k white gold patterned band and DH chose a plain titanium band for £12!!

Was a fab day from start to finish and lots of people love social clubs for the cheap drink :) bingo

cheznal · 12/08/2015 17:53

Eta my wedding ring was £40

BoboBunnyH0p · 12/08/2015 17:56

Sounds exactly like our wedding. We got married at 4pm and just had an evening buffet. Everyone loved it and had a fab time. Best thing was no early starts and it was a relaxing morning and early afternoon.

YouTheCat · 12/08/2015 17:57

I got married in 1994 for the grand sum of £250, including everything.

It's going to cost more to get divorced.

lanbro · 12/08/2015 17:59

That's what we did, although ceremony at 3. We didn't do it to save money as the venue was a fair whack but rather because we'd been to loads of looong boring weddings and wanted something more relaxed. We also hired our local landlord to run the bar for us at pub prices having been to loads of posh hotels and been nearly bankrupted by drinks prices and didn't want that for our guests.

lanbro · 12/08/2015 18:01

Also we did have a singer but instead of cheesy disco and dj we had an ipod play list and the singer left his sound system and lights for us to use after his set

cheznal · 12/08/2015 18:10

I also walked to the church - I got ready at my grandas house about 5 minute walk away and even now it's mentioned about the 'bride who walked across the churchyard' as I was the only bride to do it up til then in that parish! It was fab walking through an 'aisle' created by my family and friends to the church.

I got married at 3pm, then walked across the road to the pub for light bites and a catch up with relatives - then I booked 8 seater taxis to take us to the night time 'do'. Other guests gave lifts in their private cars. Saved a bomb on wedding cars for the sake of a 20 second drive to the church.

Party went on til 1am and was a day and a half to remember :)

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