Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not bother telling DH?

101 replies

talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:13

I'm going to meet up with a friend tomorrow but DH doesn't like her. WIBU to lie if he asks me what I'm getting up to (I am on holiday at the moment and hes at work.)

He'll probably not know but then if the trains late he might ask where have I been and I don't want to get caught in a lie.

OP posts:
Doublebubblebubble · 11/08/2015 11:15

Don't lie then. Just explain that youd like to see your friend. It is quite simple. If you do lie it will just work out worse for you and your dh could possibly think that something else is going on...

X good luck xx

HighwayDragon · 11/08/2015 11:18

Couldn't give a flying fig what dp thinks of my friends that's why they're MY friends not his.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/08/2015 11:19

Go and meet your friend.

Don't lie to your dh, lies always come back to bite you on the arse.

AuntyMag10 · 11/08/2015 11:19

Why does he not like her?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:19

He thinks she is a trouble maker.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 11/08/2015 11:20

Is she though? Is his concerns about her valid?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:21

A bit, we have got drunk and stupid a few times now.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 11/08/2015 11:25

but you are a grown up...if you get drunk and stupid that's your fault look out not your friends. If your DH has a problem with it then it's a problem to deal with with you...not your friend. IMO

foolonthehill · 11/08/2015 11:26

But don't lie....that's definitely got the potential to backfire.

Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 11:27

You are an adult.

AuntyMag10 · 11/08/2015 11:28

Well you are being vague here so can't really say if your dh is ur or not. What things do you get up to when you're drunk? Do these things give your dh a good reason for not wanting to associate with her?

Ragwort · 11/08/2015 11:30

Your DH shouldn't police your friends, Shock - my DH has a few friends that I don't like very much - yes, they drink a lot when they get together and (IMO) act rather stupidly but I wouldn't forbid him to meet them. I choose not to see them myself, but they are his friends.

confusedandemployed · 11/08/2015 11:30

I honestly don't understand why you would even considering lying about this. She's your friend, you're a grown woman and can see whomever you like. Are you scared of your DH's reaction?

UrethraFranklin1 · 11/08/2015 11:30

don't lie. tell him you're an adult who can choose who to associate with. The rest is your own concern.

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:30

Not really sure. I've never done anything awful but I have asked him to collect me from the train station twice quite late (about 11 o clock) and I know that annoyed him, and he also doesn't really like me being out in the evenings and doesn't like spending money.

OP posts:
Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:31

I don't drink much hardly ever so the fact I've been drunk twice with the same friend makes him think she's a troublemaker.

OP posts:
perfectlybroken · 11/08/2015 11:32

I think its best not to lie, as it kind of makes it ok that he's telling you not to see her. Even though its more hassle I would tell him and deal with his reaction. lying is conceding that you are doing something wrong, when presumably you are not.

Balanced12 · 11/08/2015 11:36

Lying will backfire as pp have said stand up for yourself.

He is your DP not your mum and you are not 5.

MadgeMak · 11/08/2015 11:41

Why doesn't he like you being out in the evening? Sounds controlling.

Theycallmemellowjello · 11/08/2015 11:45

Sorry, OP, but it is really not ok if your DH does not like you being out late or spending money and is also policing your friendships.

I think that it is reasonable if you have shared finances to set a limit together on what it's ok to spend, but that has to be done together and be fair to both parties. And again, constant absence till very late would get to any partner, but to object to it happening at all is not on. Saying that he doesn't like your friend is ok I reckon, but stopping you seeing her (or acting like you shouldn't see her) is not on. I guess if she's done something bad to you or someone else it could be reasonable for him to voice an opinion that she's not good for you, but it could be no more than opinion. I guess it's ok for him to say no to lifts though, but very mean if it's not often and your return the favour and do other stuff for him.

I'm not one to throw out the words controlling and abusive, but do you think that his behaviour could fit these labels?

ShortandSweeter · 11/08/2015 11:45

HE's controlling, when she's the one lying? Only on MN.

Theycallmemellowjello · 11/08/2015 11:46

Also, him not liking you being drunk is not ok. Not liking you being paralytic/drinking so much you're sick/drinking so much you break stuff/are horrible, is fair enough. But not liking you getting a bit squiffy every once in a blue moon? Controlling.

MadgeMak · 11/08/2015 11:47

She hasn't actually lied yet.

And yes, not liking her being out in the evening is controlling. She's an adult, it's not up to him to decide if it's ok for her to go out in the evening.

MadgeMak · 11/08/2015 11:48

And she's only considering telling a lie because he's controlling!

ShortandSweeter · 11/08/2015 11:52

...where has she said that he decides whether she goes out or not?

Swipe left for the next trending thread