To just not bother telling DH?

[talentedmrsripley]

I'm going to meet up with a friend tomorrow but DH doesn't like her. WIBU to lie if he asks me what I'm getting up to (I am on holiday at the moment and hes at work.)

He'll probably not know but then if the trains late he might ask where have I been and I don't want to get caught in a lie.

He sounds like a controlling twat.

I wouldn't say he's abusive but he can be controlling he expects certain standards of behaviour and gets cross when I don't meet them.

Are you happy in the relationship? Is it what you would have wanted for yourself when you were younger? Not all relationships are like this. It sounds very difficult

11? Wow, no wonder he doesn't like her....

I wouldn't lie about it. How do you think he'll react if you tell him the truth?

In her post at 11.30 she says he doesn't really like her going out in the evenings.

Holy shit op I'm on your behalf! Expects certain behaviour, gets cross if you don't meet his expectations?!?! He needs a swift and hard PITC

Not really liking something and deciding for someone are really quite different.

Anyway it seems like there is more to the story as the OP gives more info.

Is he your dad?

No, then you are an adult, you decide who you go out with, what time you get home, whether you drink.

I would absolutely tell him where I was off to, and I would also take this time to reflect on why you think it's normal to have your husband try to discourage you from having friends or any enjoyment in the evenings away from him.

He sounds horrid and your friend has probably got his number.

If he's going to give you a hard time then it is understandable you will lie. But this is not normal, not acceptable and you don't need to put up with this. He has to accept you have your own life, although he doesn't have to be happy about picking you up from the station late - can you get a taxi as it would mean less hassle for you too?

Longer term he needs to back off or you have to leave. Controlling behaviour doesn't belong in a relationship between adults.

I'm 24.

He's just so annoying sometimes.

Not really liking something and deciding for someone are really quite different.

Yes they are different. Both are controlling though. Telling someone you don't like them doing something that is perfectly reasonable to do in order to pressure said person into not doing the thing you don't like is controlling. As is out and out telling them not do something.

How old is he?

Btw you are a grown up and can go out and see who you please, when you please.

Why can't you get a cab from the station? That takes your P out of the loop altogether.

You're 24? I wouldn't put up with this at more than double your age, but at your age I think you should have the freedom to see who you want without explaining yourself to anyone else.

Don't you ever wish you were free to do whatever you wanted?

Dont lie,i woyldwould only tell him if you have no option though.

You are an adult and shouldn't have to justify your choice of friends (unless they are axe murderers...)

11pm is not late for an adult to be out, getting drunk is not a crime

Trying to control your wife and dictate who she can see, what time she gets home, and making her feel that she needs to lie to be able to do something perfectly innocent is wrong in a relationship.

He doesn't like me getting cabs partly because it's late and because of the money.

You're way too young to be trapped in a relationship where you cant be yourself...

Is hr a lot older than you? I wonder if its a case of he's 'done all his partying' and is expecting OP to act as if she should be going on SAGA holidays...

Keep the friend, ditch the husband.

He tells you who you can meet, what you can do, how you can travel, and what you can spend. Of course he is abusive. Do you have children?

How old is he?

If he doesn't like your friend he doesn't have to see her. Fuck all to do with him if you do though.

The rest is beyond unreasonable. Get out. Now.

Oh OP you're too young to live like this! He's controlling and all this talk about him not liking you spending money makes him sound like a real misery. Don't waste your best years with an arsehole like this.

But it seems from your OP that you work so surely you have your own money? Do you have full control of your money? Do you have children? Do you have a support network apart from your DH where you are?

I hope you can see that what he is doing is not acceptable. Do you think that this relationship is worth it? Leaving someone can be daunting because of the emotional wrench and potential financial complexities, but you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't spend it treading on eggshells and afraid to go out past a certain time in case your DH is annoyed.

If you lie, you will be putting yourself in the wrong and giving in to his treating you as an underage daughter.

It does sound like an abusive relationship to me because I have been with that type of man and so has my dd. When you start feeling like telling lies about perfectly innocent things, especially things like friendships, it is because you are being trained to behave yourself.

I also hate this blaming the friend for your behaviour stuff. My abusive ex seemed to think I was incapable of having a thought of my own, that any idea I had that he didn't like must have been put their by a particular friend of mine.