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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not bother telling DH?

101 replies

talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 11:13

I'm going to meet up with a friend tomorrow but DH doesn't like her. WIBU to lie if he asks me what I'm getting up to (I am on holiday at the moment and hes at work.)

He'll probably not know but then if the trains late he might ask where have I been and I don't want to get caught in a lie.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 11/08/2015 17:04

I'm going to meet up with a friend tomorrow but DH doesn't like her

I bet he doesn't like her because she can see right through him and knows what's he like.

Am I right?

Theycallmemellowjello · 11/08/2015 17:08

Pedantry is picking you up on split infinitives op, not making you feel like you have to creep around your own home. I have a friend my dh doesn't like much. We solve it by him not coming along when I go to hang out with her. The idea of having to lie about seeing her is just unreal.

What do you think would actually happen if you don't lie?

Littleen · 11/08/2015 17:16

Don't lie, just tell him you can see who you want, and you like this friend - so tough! This should not be a problem.

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 17:41

She doesn't like him either, you're right about that.

OP posts:
Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 11/08/2015 19:22

Why doesn't she like him?

We can only see what you put on here, we don't know your DH - do you mean DH? You're married?

This is a RL friend though, who knows him. Why doesn't she like him?

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 11/08/2015 19:32

What will happen if you go out with her, tell him you are doing so, get a wee bit drunk and get a taxi home from the station at 11?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 19:37

Yes we are married.

She doesn't like him as she says he's controlling Blush

OP posts:
TheCowThatLaughs · 11/08/2015 19:43

He sounds like my exp who I was with throughout my 20s. I wish I'd left him at 24 instead of wasting another 5 years. I can't tell you how much I regret that, it still feels hard to cope with and I'm in my 40s now.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 11/08/2015 19:44

Well on the evidence you've presented here, she's right.

UrethraFranklin1 · 11/08/2015 19:47

Thats why he doesn't like her, because she's got his number and she honest with you. Not in his interest for you to have friends like that, is it?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 19:48

Suppose yes but he doesn't like her for other reasons too.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2015 19:51

he expects certain standards of behaviour and gets cross when I don't meet them.

If I tortured puppies I would expect my DH to leave me. If I stayed out until 11pm and got a cab home my DH wouldn't give a shit. There is no behaviour on the continuum where DH gets to tell me off and disapprove of me seeing people I have decided are my friends. Why does your DH get to do that?

pictish · 11/08/2015 19:57

Bertie thank you for writing that. When I read the comment you quoted from Daisy my eyes tolled right around. There's a poster that knows nothing about it.

pictish · 11/08/2015 19:59

OP wake up. I know he disguises his control as love, concern, financial sensibility whatever...but control is what it is.

DrElizabethPlimpton · 11/08/2015 19:59

The fact you have gone to the effort of posting about this suggests you know there is a bigger problem than just lying about going out with a particular friend.

You are very young, the same age as my DS and you should be having the time of your life. Don't waste these years in a relationship that clips your wings. You can't get this time back.

CassieBearRawr · 11/08/2015 20:04

This thread is dripping like a leaky tap.

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 20:27

I know what you're saying.

OP posts:
OhBigHairyBollocks · 11/08/2015 20:34

Sorry, are you married to Christian Grey?

Dear Lord. I think you need to listen to your mate...

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 11/08/2015 20:43

OP you are young, he is young. You can't have been married all that long. It is really important that you don't let him start dictating to you, otherwise by the time you are 40 you will be asking him what he wants you to wear, he'll be ordering for you in restaurants and you won't be allowed to see your friends.

Stand up to him. Be truthful and firm, and spend your own money how you wish.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/08/2015 21:14

he's VERY controlling.
good luck with that because he'll only get worse over time.
should you have kids, expect things to deteriorate further.

has he ever hit you?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 11/08/2015 21:28

No, he'd never ever hit me!

OP posts:
Lambzig · 11/08/2015 21:33

Bertie Botts, that's an amazing post. Sums up that behaviour so well and I recognised so many ex's behaviour there.

TendonQueen · 11/08/2015 21:46

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you tell him you don't like him seeing any of his friends?

Do you tell him he has to be home by 11pm?

Do you try to stop him spending money or getting cabs?

TendonQueen · 11/08/2015 21:47

Didn't finish that - meant to add: If you don't, or wouldn't, why is it OK for him to do that to you?

kissmethere · 12/08/2015 11:46

Ok you're being very vague, however from your information he sounds like a controlling person.
Don't lie, tell him you're meeting your friend, if you start sneaking around to meet a friend he doesn't like you're fueling his control. Of he doesn'tike it what is he going to do?

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