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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to live near a crack and heroin addict?

156 replies

Flatsfromnowon · 10/08/2015 23:49

Just that really; we moved into a block of six flats about two months ago.

One set of neighbours in the block have had a few arguments, smoke in the shared hallway, and have asked for money which I was a bit Hmm about. However...

This morning we were woken at 5.20 - one of them was being arrested and the other was being questioned by police and said that the one being arrested wanted to sell some of their property to buy heroin. The one not being arrested had self harmed and it was just all so horrible.

The police took both of them away. Then later on we were off out and the one whose property was being sold and had self harmed came back. I asked if they were okay and said that I has overheard them telling the police officers that the other one was addicted to crack and heroin and they confirmed this is the case.

I have a small child and just do not want to be in close proximity to them. I certainly do not want to use the shared garden (which their flat overlooks)). I feel such a snob but I am worried about needles, them falling asleep after a fix and causing a fire, all sorts of things really.

It is all young families here apart from this couple (who I think are late forties). I don't think the drug habit is new - they both look haggard and skinny. It is all so sad and tragic, I mean once they were young and probably just fell in with the wrong crowd but that doesn't make me want to stay living here.

We are shared owners so spoke to the housing association who weren't very helpful.

We also lives happily in another shared ownership place for 6 years and never encountered anything like this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 11/08/2015 09:35

OP, you are now facing the band of MNetters who think anyone should be able to do anything, however anti-social, if they have an addiction, small children or mental health oroblems and that anyone affected by it and concerned by it is entirely unreasonable, probably a fascist and should shut up and put up or even embrace it as part of living in a socially diverse society.

YANBU, not at all. I say that as someone who found themselves living next door to an addict and who works with families where there are often addiction problems and sees the problems they cause their children and neighbours.

My neighbour- where I lived before this- moved into the house next door when I had lived there for two years. Initially he , plus his wife and 2 small daughters and two cats seemed absolutely normal although neither of them worked and he looked sullen all the time. Within a month I started to hear rows which were all him shouting and punching walls, then there were violent rows where he was attacking her in the night and the two little girls were in their room singng together( presumably to block the noise out). I called the police every time and they took him away but he was back within a couple of days and there would be a week or so of calm and it would start again. I rang child protection and social services because of the children.

Then he started appearing in the street absolutely off his head on drink and drugs, sometimes in his underwear, often shouting abuse at my house window from the front garden and the same with the neighbour on the other side. Then the cats disappeared- his wife later told me he killed one kicking it after it had an abdominal operation, and the other one moved in with a couple higher up the street where life was safer for it.

Then needles and smashed bottles began appearing in my back yard, I actually saw him from an upstairs window standing throwing them over the wall and laughing to himself. The neighbours on the other side had small children and were beside themselves. Presumably his own poor children lived in the same danger from him. Police 'had a word with him'.

There were arguments in the street with dodgy people who came to the door, banging on it and refusing to leave and some ended up with fights.

After about 8 months of this, the police arrested him when he attacked his wife so badly she was hospitalsed for two days. She and the children left and we were left with him. He then burgled my house and was arrested and bailed and still I had to put up with his abuse. Some of my belongings were found in the house.

He just disappeared one day and we never saw him again - the police told me the family were well known to them and to social services. I spoke to his landlord a number of times during the time they lved next door. He knew exactly what he was like but it was easy rent as it was paid for by housing benefit and he only got annoyed when he saw the state of the house after they left. There were urine soaked beds in all the bedrooms, urine soaked carpet in the kitchen next to the sink, smoke damage on the cooker and walls in the kitchen where something had caught fire, a plate sized burn in the sitting room carpet, holes in walls, broken doors, glass and needles lying around, shit and toilet paper piled up in the bath and a blcked toilet.

When I think back now, I really should not have called the police, child protection, social services, the RSPCA, environmental health. I should have just put up with it all and let him get on with it. Infact I should have given him money then he would not have been forced to burgle my house to get money to feed his addictions - he had a right to live as he chose. I should have just put up and shut up. I was a fascist, looking down on him, thinking of me before him, interfering, snobby not

I hope I made his life even harder, he certainly made mine a nightmare. And this was a leafy street in a nice area.

YANBU at all. Addicts are essentially self- indulgent, selfish people who don't care about their impact on others lives. That is how they ended up in the grip of an addiction in the first place.

shovetheholly · 11/08/2015 09:36

OP, I don't think you sound compassionless at all. I'm really sorry if anything I've written implied that you were. You actually sound like you're trying to figure out a sensible path through this, and you seem really caring and considerate. I risk speaking for others here, but to me, the attacking posts are not so much directed at you as at other posters on this thread who are taking a much harder line than you are.

As I said in my first post, I think some precautionary measures are probably a good idea. However, as PPs have said, I'd urge you to look at the actual behaviour and not the fear (because anxiety and fear can run away into all kinds of shadowy places). If they aren't causing any major issues for you and your family right now, there is not necessarily a reason to think that they will in future.

I'm not saying that all drug addicts are benign neighbours. That would be ridiculous! But not all non-drug addicts are benign neighbours either. As fuzzy and worra said above, it's about the actual facts, and so far it doesn't sound as if they are any kind of threat to your family. If they were on the stairs harrassing your children and intimidating people, I would urge you to contact the police and the council straight away. But they're not - unless there's more to the story, it sounds as though the only real inconvenience so far is being woken up early in the morning one day by a police raid?? (Forgive me if I missed something, I do that sometimes). As others have said, I'd keep a diary of any anti-social behaviour and an eye out on security, but apart from that, I would urge you not to worry too much unless something more serious happens that is cause for concern. Flowers

maggieryan · 11/08/2015 09:38

Well in op case they have been arrested in middle of night, hassled her for money and smoking in hallway so that would be enough for me to have warming bells going off. In my case there were strangers calling next door all hours of night, people screaming, music being played all hours and arguments and fights constantly. It was a nightmare. OP hope it works itself out. Horrible.situation to be in

shiteforbrains · 11/08/2015 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastyFingers · 11/08/2015 09:49

I live on a street with several known addicts, its the cheap part of an otherwise lovely town.

Apart from the occasional late night argument we overhear, no-one has bothered us so we keep ourselves to ourselves.

BUT if they hassle you for money, bring the police to your block and make your life difficult I'd be doing everything I could to get them moved on.

Having grown up in a dysfunctional drug-centric environment I'd say, with regards to your children, it is important to never brush away or try to normalize hard drug use or addiction.

ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 09:57

Charis what do we do with them then? Make them all homeless? Because that will improve things for the rest of us won't it?
Or should we send them off to camps? Kill them all? Put them in prison where their habits often get worse?
The way we handle drug addicts in our society isn't working. They need help not punishment.

Anyway this is irrelevant to the OP - OP there is nothing you can do to help them, the problem is a national one. You are not being snobbish, your reasons for concern are valid. But as others have said they are more likely to be evicted for antisocial behaviour than their addictions so I would keep a log of that to complain about. That's the most practical thing you can do alongside trying to keep your DC safe.

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 10:01

Charis what do we do with them then? enforced detox in secure units.

And a lot less of this stupid sympathy and support would go a long way.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 10:13

You're a charming little ray of sunshine aren't you Charis? Grin

I'm not sure where all these secure units would come from or how they'd be funded...

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:17

as others have said, keep a v careful diary and involve the police as often as you think necessary.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 11/08/2015 10:19

Think about someone who has been sexually abused as a child, beaten, raped and who turns to drugs as a way out - they are to be pitied, not despised. Drugs are, for that person, in no way a 'lifestyle choice'. They are a way of escaping an impossible amount of pain

Not all victims of abuse wallow in drugs and by no means are all drug users or addicts victims of abuse. This is where we go wrong - allowing everyone to believe they are tragic helpless victims as a way of avoiding having to take responsibility for their own choices and mistakes.

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 10:24

I'm not sure where all these secure units would come from or how they'd be funded...

they could be funded 100 times over by the savings made in not wasting money on the housing, benefits, crime fighting, education, health care and cleaning costs of drug addicts allowed to live in the community.

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:29

Charis have you got any idea how many functioning addicts there are ?

formerbabe · 11/08/2015 10:30

OP, you are now facing the band of MNetters who think anyone should be able to do anything, however anti-social, if they have an addiction, small children or mental health oroblems and that anyone affected by it and concerned by it is entirely unreasonable, probably a fascist and should shut up and put up or even embrace it as part of living in a socially diverse society

So so true!

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:31

"enforced detox in secure units".
They would still need housing, charis.

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 10:32

Charis have you got any idea how many functioning addicts there are?

yes thank you, am well aware exactly how many so called "functioning" addicts are shitting on everyone around them in a naicer and more socially acceptable manner.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 10:33

Blimey, I reckon even David Cameron would be cringing at your posts Charis! Grin

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 10:33

They would still need housing, charis.

not until they were no longer addicted, then if they took drugs again, back into the secure unit.

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:38

Charis, fgs, will you just get a grip.

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:39

Charis your doctor, dentist or bank manager is likely to be a heroin addict or alcoholic.

I dont want to minimise OPs problems though.

chosenone · 11/08/2015 10:40

They could be funded by legalising drugs ? Taking control of the drugs, taking them away from criminals and taxing them just like cigarettes and alcohol.
I do believe the situation with drugs is getting worse. We are either going to end up with ghettoised areas (there is one near me, main road into a tourist town, broken windows, needles, Police cars and ambulances) or, i believe the LA term is 'pepperpot affect' where addicts/anti social families are sprinklef around towns and discricts to 'dilute' their affect.
For what its worth my addict brothers gf had a horrendous childhood, care home from the age of 8, abuse, prostitution by 14 etc. There were many reasons to empathise with her and justify her actions but i believe she was beyond help. We tried. She was unemployable, got a cleaning job and robbed of them and abused customers. She is banned from most of the shops in town for thieving. She steals the bags left outside charity shops for clothes and 'bindips' behind greggs and waitrise for food. It is too late for her, for legions of people like her... her fate may have been sealed from birth!

shaska · 11/08/2015 10:46

I totally agree with shovetheholly.

With regard to your garden - I would keep an eye on it. Go out there regularly, check for detritus. If you don't see any, then it's probably no more or less unsafe than any public park.

Addicts who have maintained an addiction over some years can often be quite stable, to be honest. They will have their moments, of course, and fire is a risk - but then, I live next door to a houseload of students and to be honest there is probably an equal fire risk from them, not to mention the broken glass they leave outside after a saturday night. And they're all at med school!

shaska · 11/08/2015 10:48

"not until they were no longer addicted, then if they took drugs again, back into the secure unit."

Super interested in how exactly we would fund large scale monitoring and regular testing of everyone in the UK. Because that's what would be needed, no? Otherwise you'd get secret drug addicts.

shaska · 11/08/2015 10:49

Or would we rely on neighbours and friends informing on one another?

Perhaps we could install small listening type devices in homes of those we suspect of drug use!

ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 10:49

They need sympathy and support IMO... They need real help.
Sending them off on their way to the next block of flats, imprisoning them or depriving them of housing is doing nothing.
I agree with detox but the problem is so widespread it would likely go round in circles as it is now.

Coffeemarkone · 11/08/2015 10:55

" Perhaps we could install small listening type devices in homes of those we suspect of drug use! "

yes that is brilliant. In fact we could solve the unemployment problem at the same time, by training people to listen out for the rustle of an aspirin packet or a jar of coffee being opened, and alert the appropriate emergency services.

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