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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live near a crack and heroin addict?

156 replies

Flatsfromnowon · 10/08/2015 23:49

Just that really; we moved into a block of six flats about two months ago.

One set of neighbours in the block have had a few arguments, smoke in the shared hallway, and have asked for money which I was a bit Hmm about. However...

This morning we were woken at 5.20 - one of them was being arrested and the other was being questioned by police and said that the one being arrested wanted to sell some of their property to buy heroin. The one not being arrested had self harmed and it was just all so horrible.

The police took both of them away. Then later on we were off out and the one whose property was being sold and had self harmed came back. I asked if they were okay and said that I has overheard them telling the police officers that the other one was addicted to crack and heroin and they confirmed this is the case.

I have a small child and just do not want to be in close proximity to them. I certainly do not want to use the shared garden (which their flat overlooks)). I feel such a snob but I am worried about needles, them falling asleep after a fix and causing a fire, all sorts of things really.

It is all young families here apart from this couple (who I think are late forties). I don't think the drug habit is new - they both look haggard and skinny. It is all so sad and tragic, I mean once they were young and probably just fell in with the wrong crowd but that doesn't make me want to stay living here.

We are shared owners so spoke to the housing association who weren't very helpful.

We also lives happily in another shared ownership place for 6 years and never encountered anything like this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ABTwife · 11/08/2015 08:14

I would honestly rather live next door to an addict than next to someone so woefully ignorant about the nature of mental health problems and lacking in compassion as Charis.

formerbabe · 11/08/2015 08:15

Your opinion is based in part on the mental health stigma that is currently pervasive in our culture. In the (hopefully near) future we will look back on opinions like yours in the same way we look back on homophobic remarks made when being gay was stigmatised

Ffs, being gay is not at all comparable. Drug users cause problems for the people they live around. I worked near a drug rehab centre...it was not unusual to see needles lying on the pavement. It was horrid. I bet all those on here saying the op is being unreasonable live in nice leafy suburbs?!

formerbabe · 11/08/2015 08:16

I would honestly rather live next door to an addict than next to someone so woefully ignorant about the nature of mental health problems and lacking in compassion as Charis.

Yep...course you would Hmm

prorsum · 11/08/2015 08:17

I don't. I live in social housing with 3 out of 4 tenants on my floor being alcoholics. I don't drink.

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 08:19

Fwiw I think addiction is an illness. These people often have horrific starts in life and quickly fall into a downward spiral where they end up using, through coercion, force, pressure, desperation of whatever else.

who cares?

nobody just wakes up in the morning as a heroin addict.

They make an active decision to start putting that stuff in their body, and are saying fuck you to everyone around them when they do.

The violence, filth, squalor, crime, danger, fear, insecurity and ruined lives that follow are entirely the responsibility of the people who choose to take drugs.

No one else should have to tolerate the consequences of the drug users behaviour in their home environment.

They should be evicted, and they almost certainly will, if the police have evidence of drug taking. They lose all rights and claims to a home.

prorsum · 11/08/2015 08:21

Nice. They won't be evicted.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 08:21

I'd also rather live next door to people who suffer with the disease of addiction than ignorant people who lack compassion and no I don't live in leafy burbs.

I said Charis' opinion was comparable, not addiction/sexuality. Bit different formerbabe.

ABTwife · 11/08/2015 08:22

Former- yes I would. Worked with addicts for years. Most of them lovely, lovely people that most of society thought should just fuck off 'somewhere else' or hurry up and die.

I know what group of people I prefer.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 08:23

Charis a lot of people care and a lot of people also care about ignorant, nasty attitudes like yours that keep stigma and lack of proper help for ill people going.

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 08:27

I would honestly rather live next door to an addict than next to someone so woefully ignorant about the nature of mental health problems and lacking in compassion as Charis.

what a ridiculous thing to say.

Firstly I am not remotely ignorant, on the contrary, extremely experienced with the disastrous catastrophic consequences drug addicts have on their innocent victims.

Secondly, if you seriously consider you would happily settle down in an environment where you are likely to be shouted at, robbed, threatened, vomited on, bled on, burgled, constantly disturbed, stank out, and living with filth and squalor at your front door, then you are mad.

if you have children, and would subject the to this, they would likely be removed from you, and quite rightly.

You are talking out of total ignorance, and living in some cloud cuckoo land of love, peace and harmony.

try the real world, love,

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 08:29

They won't be evicted. They should be, with drug taking it would be instant in some HAs

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 08:31

I'd also rather live next door to people who suffer with the disease of addiction than ignorant people who lack compassion and no I don't live in leafy burbs.

sure, just wait until the first occasion your young daughter is grabbed and vomited on by some filthy stinking man on her own doorstep.

One dose of the reality of the situation and you would be running screaming for the hills.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 08:33

Firstly I am not remotely ignorant, on the contrary, extremely experienced with the disastrous catastrophic consequences drug addicts have on their innocent victims.

Ah thought there was a specific reason behind your old fashioned nastiness.

shovetheholly · 11/08/2015 08:35

I am Shock at some of the posts on this thread.

OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable to be concerned. I think the situation demands all kinds of adaptations of behaviour, possibly beefing up your home security, getting a new smoke alarm, and definitely teaching your children about avoiding needles etc. I understand where you are coming from, and that you have the welfare of your children at heart, I really do.

But I absolutely don't think they should be evicted. The chances are they have been addicts a very long time - all through the time when you have lived together, in fact - and it hasn't caused any major issues yet. Yes, it is disconcerting to see the police visiting in the early hours and to witness first hand the misery of life as an addict. But so far, their behaviour hasn't really been horrendously anti-social, and there's not really any reason to think that they will become any worse, and certainly not that they will pose any threat to your children.

When you hear the stories of most addicts, they are so very bad that sometimes the only response is 'Well, it's no wonder really'. Think about someone who has been sexually abused as a child, beaten, raped and who turns to drugs as a way out - they are to be pitied, not despised. Drugs are, for that person, in no way a 'lifestyle choice'. They are a way of escaping an impossible amount of pain. It would only increase that hard lot if they were to be constantly moved on, because no-one wanted to live with them.

Frankly, OP, I would say this: listen to the lack of empathy in some posts on this thread, and think 'Do I want my kids to grow up into that person who not only doesn't understand, but who inflicts a compassionless judgement on these people?' Because this is actually a chance for your children to learn about a reality that isn't covered in the media, or on TV and for you to show them a safe but compassionate response to it. It might be very far from the cosy, middle class world of many Mumsnetters, but it is out there and a part of life. The older I get, the more I am aware that there are vast, vast swathes of the population who have no exposure at all to this side of the world - and they are the people who run services for these people! It leads to such distortions of our public discourse: it's like there is a wall of misunderstanding between classes. I'm not trying to gild a turd here, but I do think that there is something valuable and important and positive in seeing both sides of the experience.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 08:36

Nah, don't like hills. Lived next to addicts, before, been one myself. Still not as bad as being around ignorant nasty snobs.

shovetheholly · 11/08/2015 08:37

(And by the way, Charis, I'm very much from the "real world" of which you speak. I know what I am talking about first hand here).

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 11/08/2015 08:38

ABT the day to day realities of living in close proximity to these people and their violence, their chaos and their anti-social dysfunctional behaviours might be a teensy bit different to turning up at work each day wearing your best empathy face and then going home to your nice cosy house where there are no crackheads fighting in the corridor at 2am.

You might start to develop a few hairline fractures in that compassion of yours if you lived among them rather than just worked with them.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 11/08/2015 08:39

Alice don't be ridiculous.

Original poster
Flatsfromnowon · 11/08/2015 08:39

Right I really didn't mean to start this but the reason I ask is because like some of you I agree that it is their home and they shouldn't move. I feel quite conflicted about how I feel. However I am also aware of what being an addict means.

Honestly some of you are so quick to assume - read my original post; no I did not know about one of them being an addict until yesterday morning.

And as for the poster who said they were here first - they can stay here but I don't want to live in a block with shared facilities. As for being worried about needles I don't think my concerns are unfounded; their flat is filthy which indicates that hygiene and safe disposal would not be a priority.

Thanks to all of the posters who provided useful responses. As for those making assumptions about me you do not know me and therefore have no right to judge. Addiction is horrible and yes there should be the support from society but there isn't; that was not the issue I was raising.

OP posts:
MintJulip · 11/08/2015 08:42

I think aside from all the other issues, fire would be my main worry and main concern. I would not want my young DC exposed to this either.

Who - would????

Bubblesinthesummer · 11/08/2015 08:43

I bet all those on here saying the op is being unreasonable live in nice leafy suburbs?!

Drug addicts do also live in ^ areas too!

My DSis lives in a 'very desirable' area, that is mentioned on MN a lot. They have a neighbour who has had dawn raids for drugs.

Stereotyping helps no one.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 08:44

flat

you have valid concerns, you have not been offensive in the slightest.

Skiptonlass · 11/08/2015 08:44

I would honestly rather live next door to an addict than next to someone so woefully ignorant about the nature of mental health problems and lacking in compassion as charis

Well, in theory that's how we should all be. Tolerant and compassionate. However, when you've had your life blighted by living next door to people like this, your compassion wears a tad thin.

I used to live in a shared block and it was awful. Most of the tenants were great - But the addicts...oh my.

Pools of blood, urine, vomit and shit (dog and human) in the hallways. Needles in the back yard, constantly being asked for money, seeing neighbours try your door handle/windows for that cheeky spur of the moment housebreaking. Sirens and police raids at 3am, knives, shouting, screaming, endless drug fuelled three-day karaoke parties... Dealing in the hallways, kids used as messengers and couriers. It's just relentless. And wearing. And depressing. My other neighbours did shift work and several times she was in my kitchen in tears because she'd had no sleep for days due to their behaviour.

I moved out after coming home one night to find another police operation ongoing and the bins being searched for body parts.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 08:46

My DSis lives in a 'very desirable' area, that is mentioned on MN a lot. They have a neighbour who has had dawn raids for drugs

do they live in houses?

If the area is so desirable assuming they all live in large detached houses?

Rather different when your shoe horned into flats, greater fire risk.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 08:48

skipton

YY - anyone who has had experience of the chaos addiction brings knows its not fun, or indeed a lack of compassion not wanting your own life to be dragged into it.