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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live near a crack and heroin addict?

156 replies

Flatsfromnowon · 10/08/2015 23:49

Just that really; we moved into a block of six flats about two months ago.

One set of neighbours in the block have had a few arguments, smoke in the shared hallway, and have asked for money which I was a bit Hmm about. However...

This morning we were woken at 5.20 - one of them was being arrested and the other was being questioned by police and said that the one being arrested wanted to sell some of their property to buy heroin. The one not being arrested had self harmed and it was just all so horrible.

The police took both of them away. Then later on we were off out and the one whose property was being sold and had self harmed came back. I asked if they were okay and said that I has overheard them telling the police officers that the other one was addicted to crack and heroin and they confirmed this is the case.

I have a small child and just do not want to be in close proximity to them. I certainly do not want to use the shared garden (which their flat overlooks)). I feel such a snob but I am worried about needles, them falling asleep after a fix and causing a fire, all sorts of things really.

It is all young families here apart from this couple (who I think are late forties). I don't think the drug habit is new - they both look haggard and skinny. It is all so sad and tragic, I mean once they were young and probably just fell in with the wrong crowd but that doesn't make me want to stay living here.

We are shared owners so spoke to the housing association who weren't very helpful.

We also lives happily in another shared ownership place for 6 years and never encountered anything like this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
prorsum · 11/08/2015 08:51

It's threads like these that cause to me rue the slow but sure gentrification of the area I live in.

formerbabe · 11/08/2015 08:53

Because this is actually a chance for your children to learn about a reality that isn't covered in the media, or on TV and for you to show them a safe but compassionate response to it.

What a load of sanctimonious rubbish!

shovetheholly · 11/08/2015 08:54

I'm not going to go into my biographical details because I don't believe in this strange testamentary thing where your view only counts if you have lived something, and frankly it is also none of anyone's business! Suffice to say that by background I'm from a place with a lot of poverty and addiction and suffering, and I have first hand experience of living with it for years. I don't - and never have - worked with addicts in a middle class, professional capacity.

Velociraptor · 11/08/2015 08:55

YANBU. I have sympathy for addicts, it is a horrible situation to be in, and no one would deliberately choose to go down that route. Unfortunately though, addiction often makes people behave in a truly horrible way, to the point that their own families often have to effectively give up on them, as they can't live with it. Your first concern is naturally going to be for your DC, and it is not unreasonable that you don't want them exposed to all the unpleasantness that goes with drug addiction. I feel for you.

ABTwife · 11/08/2015 08:56

Also lived with a recovering addict (who relapsed often) for two years before I started working in MH and lost a family member to heroin so yes I do know from all side. It made me more compassionate not less.

I sympathise with the position the OP is in but the problem is addicts, offenders, the mentally ill or whatever group are members of our society and should be treated as such. While everyone wants them to be 'somewhere' else away from the 'decent' people we increase marginalisation and it's also unworkable. Where are they going to go?. Somewhere away from 'me and my family' isn't good enough and isn't a solution.

I don't want to derail the OPs thread any further so PM me if you want to tell me what a bleeding heart I am Smile

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 08:59

Think about someone who has been sexually abused as a child, beaten, raped and who turns to drugs as a way out - they are to be pitied, not despised. Drugs are, for that person, in no way a 'lifestyle choice'. They are a way of escaping an impossible amount of pain

utter crap, having been abused, beaten, raped etc myself, I would never take drugs. It is absolutly a choice.

It is a choice to shit on all the humans around you, never mind the slave labour used to produce the drugs in the first place.

No amount of abuse gives you the right to take drugs. Or the right to expect to be given a home if you do.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 09:00

My compassion is reserved for people who are at a great fire risk in the flats they share with the addicts.

As much sympathy and compassion I have for the addicts, I wouldn't want ops DC burnt to a crisp to show - they can live next to addicts and show compassion.

FuzzyWizard · 11/08/2015 09:01

Threads like this way make me very Sad. Drug addicts are more often than not survivors of abuse. Every time a child is killed by abusers we are all horrified and wring our hands and talk about how awful it was. But actually when we run into the very damaged adult and teenage survivors of abuse there is often very little sympathy. I can't help but wonder sometimes how society would have viewed those children had they lived... At what age do they go from being angelic innocent victims to people who deserve no pity?

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 09:02

they are to be pitied, not despised

I think most on this thread pity addicts, most understand why lots of addicts are addicts but the nature of addiction is not pleasant to live with and its not ops problem, and its not especially her DC problem either.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 09:02

Charis Just because you don't use drugs to cope doesn't mean other people don't! The world exists outside of your subjective realityConfused.
No one said they have a right to do anything.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 09:03

fuzzy and how exactly are op and her DC supposed to help these people? How is it going to embellish her dc's lives, by exposing them to chaos and violence and fear and stressed out DM?

Charis1 · 11/08/2015 09:06

Charis Just because you don't use drugs to cope doesn't mean other people don't!

nobody has the right to "cope" by shitting on everyone else.

Is it ok for a murderer to "cope" by killing people?

Is it ok for an abused boy to "cope" by beating his wife when he grows up?

is it ok for anyone who feels hard done by to "cope" by hurting someone else?

Drug users are utterly selfish, and destroy other peoples quality of life, and bleed billions of pounds out of the country in medical and crime costs.

they deserve nothing.

FuzzyWizard · 11/08/2015 09:09

I don't think it's the OP's responsibility to help them but so far they haven't endangered her in any way... She only knows that they are addicts because of what she overheard so they clearly aren't leaving drug paraphernalia strewn everywhere. I think having them evicted would do no good for anyone... The next tenants could be far worse and it just moves the problem somewhere else. As a society we need to have something in place to help them... Sanctioning or punishing them won't cure them. Destabilising their lives further will likely make things worse for them.

AliceScarlett · 11/08/2015 09:10

Never said they have a right to do those things. There is no point trying to debate with you when you keep pulling in things no one has said. Your viewpoint is too rigid. I hope you're able to be less bitter in the future.

AuntyMag10 · 11/08/2015 09:12

Yanbu, and how you feel about this as a parent is absolutely normal and reasonable. Total rubbish that people would prefer to live next door to an addict than someone ignorant Confused
I suggest you speak to people in rl about this, on mm you will only hear the sanctimonious crap of how you are the unreasonable one for not sorting his problems out.

Original poster
Flatsfromnowon · 11/08/2015 09:14

Mint - you have raised a really good point.

How can I help these neighbours? Really, what should I do. Of course I don't want them moved out of their home but I really don't want my child woken up to chaos because one of them couldn't get a fix.

I can take security measures, I can raise the health and safety aspect with the HA and hope for the best in that there isn't a fire but it still doesn't change that I am not comfortable having a young toddling child there.

I'm really sorry if I seem snobby or ignorant; obviously I do not consider myself to be either but if that is how I come across then so be it. I'm just not comfortable in this situation and so thought I would ask others how they would feel.

OP posts:
Charis1 · 11/08/2015 09:19

I hope you're able to be less bitter in the future.

I'm not remotely bitter, just 100% realistic, there are people in society who cause problems, make wrong decisions, etc, who can be helped and supported, and there are people who by their own choices have deliberately placed themselves outside of that.

if it bothered them they would stop.

If it doesn't bother them, then millions of pounds and hundreds of hand wringing social workers will not make a single whit of difference.

That is the reality of drugs.

users turn themselves into unexploded bombs, who can and will go off repeatedly in the faces of any poor innocent who happens to be around, and don't give a shit for the damage and destruction they cause in anyone elses life, or the billions of other peoples money they burn.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 09:20

I think the drug addiction here is a red herring.

If they're being anti-social then they're going to cause problems for their neighbours.

Not all drug addicts display anti-social behaviour and not all anti-social neighbours are drug addicts.

I've lived here for 20 years and the studio flats around the corner, are notorious for drug addicts and alcoholics. Not all of them have caused problems.

WRT fire, the only fire here in my memory was caused by an elderly lady who went to bed and left a scented candle alight in her lounge.

So OP if I were you, I'd keep a diary of any anti-social behaviour, rather than worry about whether they're addicted to illegal drugs or not.

chosenone · 11/08/2015 09:25

Hmmm it is a very difficult issue. Many of us probably do have compassion and can understand that these people need support. But addicts are very very difficult people to be around. Your compassion is going to wain if you are living in the cicumstances outlined by the op. My brother (no bad childhood abuse etc...just bad choices and an addictive personality) was a heroin addict and we had given him so so much support. He still robbed my house, took lots of sentimental jewellrey and sold it all for drugs. The advice from the support charities my familes were then involved in is 'tough love' or ' release with love' to stop enabling the addiction.
In many ways the HA enable the addicts if they don't have a strict policy re drugs and anti social behaviour.

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 09:26

Good point worrel, op contact EH service too, and kick up a stink.

pinkyredrose · 11/08/2015 09:27

OP how do you know they're injecting?

MintJulip · 11/08/2015 09:27

In many ways the HA enable the addicts if they don't have a strict policy re drugs and anti social behaviour

Of couse, and allowing them to spread chaotic behaviour onto neighbours.

maggieryan · 11/08/2015 09:30

Yanbu. I had misfortune to live beside addicts. One of them mugged my sister right outside my house. Took her months to get over it. He was arrested but released without charge. Thankfully they moved
I agree those that are saying have compassion dont live beside them.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 09:33

I agree those that are saying have compassion dont live beside them.

Or they live beside addicts who don't actually cause problems.

Most people have no idea what their neighbours are/aren't addicted to. Whether that's prescription drugs, illegal drugs, alcohol or anything else.

It's only really going to come to light if there's anti social behaviour involved.

Original poster
Flatsfromnowon · 11/08/2015 09:34

Re: needles actually I am not certain as I didn't specifically ask the one I spoke to that question.

But when they were speaking to the police officer I overheard them saying the other one used 8 wraps per day and thought she said injecting; I could be wrong though and just making it a lot worse than what it is I suppose.

I mean, chasing the dragon isn't half as bad as injecting and the smell that permeates the hallways can easily be covered up with a plug in.

OP posts:
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