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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take my kids home (bizarre situation)

351 replies

BaleandWhale · 10/08/2015 13:57

DC were at their dads. Due home at 5pm today.

I was in town doing some shopping and heard a kid crying from the other side of the shop which sounded like DD. Went to look and found all three DC with a woman I've never seen before dragging DD by her hand out of the shop Hmm

Obviously I stopped her and said WTF are you doing and who the hell are you.

Turns out she is the best mate of ex's girlfriend. Ex had to work so left kids with his partner. Partner decided to take them to town with her mate. Partner then went to get her hair blow dried at one of those pop up blow dry places and left DC with her mate. Youngest DC (5) was upset and refused to leave the shop. Big department store so she had managed to get her three floors down during the tantrum.

DD asked to come home with me and then the other two said they wanted to as well. The woman starts saying I couldn't take them as she didn't know who I was. Oldest is 11 and clearly saying that's my mum!

Anyway I took them as they are due home soon anyway.

EX has just phoned and gone ballistic that I had no right to take them and partner is frantic about it.

AIBU to take them home with me?

OP posts:
sandycove · 11/08/2015 12:03

Nope. Me neither. Nobody is suggesting anything of the sort. And you have noticed, haven't you, that one of these children is 11?
Actually people are suggesting it. Quite a few have clearly said that the OP was wrong to take them.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/08/2015 12:04

From the OP

"dragging DD by her hand out of the shop"

rollonthesummer · 11/08/2015 12:09

It's this I find utterly bizarre. Have you really never gone shopping with a friend and looked after her children for 30 minutes while she tried a dress on or popped back to buy something she had changed her mind about? Really? Because I have. Loads of times. And I bet most other people have too. Particularly considering the oldest child was 11- and quite capable therefore of helping look after his siblings for a very short time.

I have three children-I have never decided to get my hair dried/cut/ or get a manicure/pedicure/Indian head massage (insert any similar activity) when I am out shopping with them. I certainly wouldn't ask someone else to have them whilst I did it. I would arrange do it at a time when they weren't with me. If they were children belonging to someone else, there's no way I would! I would feel 100% responsible for them.

slithytove · 11/08/2015 12:11

The person they were left with was a stranger to BOTH parents. And that is the issue.

The kids had already been left with a sitter. That sitter should not have dumped the kids on anyone else barring an emergency.

Once again, if your kids are being watched by a friend, parent, paid sitter - would you be happy for that person to hand your kids over to someone you had never met?

slithytove · 11/08/2015 12:12

It's this I find utterly bizarre. Have you really never gone shopping with a friend and looked after her children for 30 minutes while she tried a dress on or popped back to buy something she had changed her mind about? Really? Because I have. Loads of times. And I bet most other people have too. Particularly considering the oldest child was 11- and quite capable therefore of helping look after his siblings for a very short time.

That is a different scenario. That is a friend looking after a friends kids.

This was a person looking after a strangers kids. Because their babysitter wanted to get her hair done.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 12:13

Babysitter? Where did the babysitter come from?

Itsmine · 11/08/2015 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BaleandWhale · 11/08/2015 12:17

Eekk can't believe this thread is still going Blush

I missed what Mamu said but it sounds lovely Confused

Mate is Janes best friend but they don't see each other much as mate lives far away (this is according to DC). DC have met her before at a BBQ which Jane took them to, ex wasn't there.

Jane is fine with the kids and I trust her (she's a teacher). On reflection I could have gone back upstairs but since she wasn't answering her phone I presumed she was in the middle of her blow dry and didn't bother.

Ex phoned DC last night and said to them he was sorry they were upset but I shouldn't have taken them as now Jane is upset.

Either way it's all quite messy and silly and nobody comes out of it looking particularly dignified (or blow dried) Wink

OP posts:
Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 12:18

Poor Jane with her half done blow dry Wink
Hopefully she and Ex will stop and think in future.

sandycove · 11/08/2015 12:19

Have you really never gone shopping with a friend and looked after her children for 30 minutes while she tried a dress on or popped back to buy something she had changed her mind about? Really?
But that's a totally different scenario, when it's your own kids and the kids know the mate, fine. your kids, your choice. When you're minding somebody else's children and they have been put in your care, not fine.
Absolutely not your shout at all. It was inconvenient for this girlfriend to have boyfriends kids because she was meeting her mate and getting hair done, fine, she should have told boyfriend she couldn't mind his kids.
Also it's irrelevant that one of them was 11.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 12:20

Your ex sounds like a knobber. Talk about milking the drama. He really shouldn't be making your dc feel responsible for a fully grown woman's emotions.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/08/2015 12:22

Spotifymuse

I can see the reasoning behind the gf thinking in future but the Ex hasn't done anything wrong in this senario.

Itsmine · 11/08/2015 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/08/2015 12:25

Nicki

the op posted

"I shouldn't have taken them as now Jane is upset."

not that he said that it was the child's fault.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 12:28

Yes, I read that. But children do blame themselves when things go wrong, they were there, they know that they were taken home because one of them was upset and the others chose to go too.

There is no need for those children to be told anything more about this situation. It's up to the adults to deal with it.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 12:30

"I can see the reasoning behind the gf thinking in future but the Ex hasn't done anything wrong in this senario."

I don't think anyone has, really. The OP should have just gone up to the blow drying place rather than just whisking the kids away- apart from anything else, that wasn't fair on Jane's friend.

And the age is relevant. 11 doesn't really need looking after while in a shop, and could reasonably have been expected to help with the littler ones. You wouldn't expect a friend to watch three toddlers while you had your hair done, but 3 where one is 11? Can't see the problem.

Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 12:31

The children asked to go with their mum. Of course he's making them think it was their fault.
And as a parent it's the Ex who needs to make sure that the kids are properly looked after by people who are trustworthy and more importantly who WANT to look after the kids in his absence. There is a possibility that half blown Jane wasn't that keen to be a babysitter for the kids in the first place but was left with little or no choice in the matter.

WhatifIdid · 11/08/2015 12:33

You did the only thing you could OP.

Bet your ex would have done the same if he saw your dc with some random bloke he didn't know and they were upset and asking to leave with him.

Why is your ex leaving them in other people's care, that's what I'd want to know. Ok very occasionally, not for a whole day though. Are his arrangements up to scratch?

Sometimesjustonesecond · 11/08/2015 12:33

The gf deserved to feel panic - she was responsible for the children and dumped them on her friend for a trivial reason.

I would never leave my dc to be looked after by someone I didn't know extremely well. Given that the dad doesn't know this friend either, he has no business getting shirty with you. If they'd have been my kids I would have handed the gf her arse on a plate, so probably a good thing if I hadn't seen her there and then!

And as for the kidnap post upthread. Are you mad? A mother taking her children from a total stranger is not kidnapping them ffs!

sandycove · 11/08/2015 12:34

Yes but he's blaming the child's mother still. Just how is she in the wrong, she had no choice with what she was confronted with. It's made "Jane upset"? well she's caused the upset, who cares.

Itsmine · 11/08/2015 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 12:38

They'd know less if their Dad wasn't ringing up to bitch about their Mum.

MokunMokun · 11/08/2015 12:40

This thread reminds me of that optical illusion, some people see an old woman, some see a young woman.

sandycove · 11/08/2015 12:41

Has anyone even thought that these children could be feeling very fragile because of their parents break up. They can be massively affected by their parents splitting up, it's no wonder they weren't in a happy state. I like to see things from both sides but in this case I blame the father and his girlfriend.

LIZS · 11/08/2015 12:41

Surely the nrp and his gf are to blame here. Most of us in charge of 3 children would not decide on impulse to go for a blowdry and leave them with a 3rd party. You'd make a mental note and return another time when you don't have any responsibilities. The issue is that gf did n't see herself in loco parentis when in charge of them. If she had agreed to have them for the afternoon (assuming no duress) , she has to put them first. Maybe op's reaction was somewhat drastic, and she should have spoken to gf and/or ex at the time, but understandable imho.

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