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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my kids home (bizarre situation)

351 replies

BaleandWhale · 10/08/2015 13:57

DC were at their dads. Due home at 5pm today.

I was in town doing some shopping and heard a kid crying from the other side of the shop which sounded like DD. Went to look and found all three DC with a woman I've never seen before dragging DD by her hand out of the shop Hmm

Obviously I stopped her and said WTF are you doing and who the hell are you.

Turns out she is the best mate of ex's girlfriend. Ex had to work so left kids with his partner. Partner decided to take them to town with her mate. Partner then went to get her hair blow dried at one of those pop up blow dry places and left DC with her mate. Youngest DC (5) was upset and refused to leave the shop. Big department store so she had managed to get her three floors down during the tantrum.

DD asked to come home with me and then the other two said they wanted to as well. The woman starts saying I couldn't take them as she didn't know who I was. Oldest is 11 and clearly saying that's my mum!

Anyway I took them as they are due home soon anyway.

EX has just phoned and gone ballistic that I had no right to take them and partner is frantic about it.

AIBU to take them home with me?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 10:42

"So no Bertrand, adults don't need to stop everything for a tantrum ming child - but they do need to consider the needs of the children they are supposed to be in charge of, rather than just dumping them on a whim."

"Dumping them on a whim". Or "leaving them with her best friend for half an hour"

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 10:45

Couldn't agree more inertia.

Tuskerfull · 11/08/2015 10:49

This is just crazy.

"It was my contact weekend with my kids but I had to work, so my partner and her friend took them out shopping. The friend took the kids downstairs in the department store while my partner had her hair blow dried. My ex ran into them and demanded that she take the kids home, even though it was my weekend and the kids were in the same building as my partner, with one of our close friends. She says they shouldn't have been with our friend, and on my weekends they must be with me at all times or she should have them. AIBU?"

Anyone reasonable: "No, wtf?"

Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 10:58

'Close friend'

That he's never met?

OP you did absolutely the right thing and both your Ex and his girlfriend need a swift kick up the ass when it comes to making appropriate arrangements for childcare. Hope the kids are ok. What a totally shitty experience for you all.

Purplepoodle · 11/08/2015 10:58

completely agree Tusker. it could have been handled so much better. even taking kids to coffee shop or ice cream whilst waiting for ex gf so it could be sorted out. Instead of storming off with kids

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 11:04

That's not what the OP said at all
Tusker but don't let that stop you.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 11:04

Do you know all your partner's close friends?

TheoriginalLEM · 11/08/2015 11:13

The gf was at fault, she put her needs to have her hair blow dried (really???) over that of children she was supposed to be looking after and palmed them off on a friend. Is she quite young?

marujadelujo · 11/08/2015 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheoriginalLEM · 11/08/2015 11:23

it sounds to me like the partner was more interested in her little shopping trip than looking after her partner's children so dragged the kids around the shops. No wonder they wanted to come home they were probably bored stiff. When in charge of someone elses children imo you make them your priority, have your bloody shopping trip on your own time.

How on earth can it be the gf's best mate (really??) if she doesn't even know her dp?

ElsieMc · 11/08/2015 11:24

The op had to make a judgement call involving her own children. You don't go through a check list of what would be the most courteous way to behave toward a stranger who is dragging your distressed child out of a shop. We all like to think we would do the right thing and the op did just that - she made the right judgement call.

Whilst others might wail that they are his children too, yes they are, but they were not with him, they were with a stranger. He handed responsibility for his children to his partner and she passed that responsibility to someone else.

The op and her ex have parental responsibility. The others involved in this do not and I certainly don't think his partner (having her blow dry) deserves courtesy. Having said that, I would have texted ex to let him know.

His partner is upset because she was caught doing the wrong thing. It is about her, not the children and your exe's reaction shows he knows they got it wrong.

Clearly you cannot stop contact but this is a warning shot across the bows. Whilst other posters have rightly said no court would stop contact for this reason, courts often take a dim view of children being left, or collected on contact by any "tom, dick or harry" (quote from Judge in my case).

I am sorry the children were so upset.

Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 11:26

The OP is irresponsible? Wow. Just wow.
OP you are an irresponsible kidnapping drama queen Confused
In future you should just let your Ex and his girlfriend leave your kids with whatever randoms they can drag up, stand by and watch your distressed five year old being dragged by her arm and make keeping your irresponsible Ex and his shallow GF happy your absolute priority Hmm

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/08/2015 11:27

maxxytoe
"For those saying the OP is unreasonable you need to go and have a stern word with yourselves!"

1/ Was the OP unreasonable for comforting her child? NO
2/ Was the OP unreasonable for not talking to the Ex's gf and telling her what was happening? Yes
3/Was the OP unreasonable for taking the children home? because of the second answer yes she was.

If she had told the EX's gf what was going on i.e. handled it differently. then the answer would be SWNBU.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 11:28

"The gf was at fault, she put her needs to have her hair blow dried (really???) over that of children she was supposed to be looking after and palmed them off on a friend. Is she quite young?"

It's this I find utterly bizarre. Have you really never gone shopping with a friend and looked after her children for 30 minutes while she tried a dress on or popped back to buy something she had changed her mind about? Really? Because I have. Loads of times. And I bet most other people have too. Particularly considering the oldest child was 11- and quite capable therefore of helping look after his siblings for a very short time.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 11:30

"Whilst others might wail that they are his children too, yes they are, but they were not with him, they were with a stranger."

They weren't with a stranger. They were with a stranger to the OP.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 11:32

Maru most posters managed to avoid name calling and attacking the OP when discussing this thread, whether they agreed with her or not. Your post and its written assassination of her character and abilities as a parent makes you sound much more unpleasant and overbearing than her. The term Keyboard Warrior is perfectly defined by you today.

Iforgottotellyou · 11/08/2015 11:34

Haven't read the whole thread, but what sort of woman swans off to get her hair blow dried for 45 minutes with 3 kids in tow and a friend? ? Wtf I'd be the one going ballistic.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 11:35

Also a stranger to the parent they were supposed to be with seemingly.

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 11:35

You may not have read the thread but I think you summed it all up pretty well Grin

yumyumpoppycat · 11/08/2015 11:37

Jane doesn't seem to be taking the relationship all that seriously does she?

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2015 11:39

"You may not have read the thread but I think you summed it all up pretty well grin"

Wel, if you of the hysterical martyrish school of parenting, I suppose..........

NickiFury · 11/08/2015 11:41

I think we've already established that we agree on nothing on this thread Bertrand pretty pointless to keep on addressing me and my posts don't think? But carry on if you must.

Tuskerfull · 11/08/2015 11:52

'Close friend' That he's never met?

Okay, take out the close friend and replace with "my partner's close friend." Still a totally reasonable way to behave.

I would still like to know if the OP calls her ex and checks with him every time she lets someone else look after their kids.

Spotifymuse · 11/08/2015 11:56

Oh Tusker would you like to amend your post again to add in the bits where the five year old was distressed and being dragged by her arm? Or is that not relevant either? Hmm

ArmfulOfRoses · 11/08/2015 12:00

I have randomly watched friends dc whilst they did something in town and we were together, even children I don't know particularly well.
What I did on those occasions was take them to the park (central town), or ask if they'd like a milkshake or similar.
I have managed never to drag a crying one out of a building by their arm.