sick of my hubby,s illness

[aprilanne]

I feel terrible for saying this but .i am so sick of my hubby,s illness severe mental health problem,s .we have been invited away with our eldest son,s partner on holiday .hubby won,t go fair enough he hates socialising /holiday,s .
I am due to go with our other two son,s it,s on the 29th for a week .my hubby is now in the bloody physciartric ward of our local hospital again .this happened last year when we were due to go holiday again .i am beginning to think he does this on purpose so we get no where . He gets invited refuses tells us to go then takes ill .i have had this for 16 years .in and out of hospital in a lot of ways he is a good hubby always provided finacially .i have never doubted his fidelity once .My mum used to say who the hell but you would have him but thats another story .i know he has difficulty,s high functioning autism ..think dylan from the drama casualty then you get the picture .
My life and the childrens are dictated by his moods/ mad behaviour obsessions .
I know i sound a cow but i have no support his parent,s refuse to believe he is ill .my mum who was my only support died two year ago so i have no one to talk to .I am scared for my youngest son who also has autism i am scared he will be like his dad in and out of mental institutions i am nearing my silver wedding anniversary i am 44 and have another possibly 40 years of this .sorry for the rant .

My Fil doesn't sit and cry, he just moans to whoever will listen. About things that he could solve if he tried. He's always been a narcissist though, used to putting himself first and having the world revolve around him. Days out for Dh and his db when growing up were accompanying Fil to his hobby. Relatives took them on holiday because he wasn't interested, because it cost money and didn't immediately serve any purpose for Fil. I could go on but that's another thread. Now he has depression it has exaggerated that side of his personality and he is even more difficult. That's not disablist. If you knew him, you would understand.

How's it going Op? I hope you've made your mind up to have that holiday. And told your Mil where to go.

msAdorable . i have phoned and explained to hubby,s nurse and they said that was fine and yes to go because we need the break .as she said hubby in hospital i cant exactly do anything for him anyway staying home serves no purpose his mother will play the martyr by going every night to visiting anyway . i am going to phone her tonight and tell her .she will probably call me all sorts but we don,t like each other anyway .so no love lost

Don't let her call you all sorts! Tell her if she cared that much she'd visit more often and be more bloody help! Tell her she can have him stay at hers if she likes, see how she likes being a full time carer to him. Remind her how hard it is and that you need a break or you'll be in hospital yourself and then she'll have to have him. Good lord. Stand up for yourself!

April I agree with pps, You need to go and have a break, before you sinkbeneath the pressure. I have every sympathy for DH but you can't actually do anything while he's in hospital, and if mil wants to play the martyr then let her. The medical staff have said go, they know more than mil x

HowDdo2You - yes i do realise ASD is a lifetime condition...
However anxiety and depression don't have to be... It is unfair to OP and her kids to live with this. It has such long term consequences.

Also by definition, her DH is unlikely to fully appreciate the difficulties other family has living with him when he is this unwell,both from the ASD and the depression and the possible BPD.

Really hope you get the break you so deserve OP and that your OH's mental health difficulties improve.

Hi OP

Don't know if youve come across this site often recommended - a whole wealth of info here -including for family members /partners of folk with ASD

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/parents-relatives-and-carers/partners/relationships.aspx