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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- honest opinion, brutally, should I ttc again?

39 replies

RollingHills191 · 09/08/2015 21:35

Would you if you were me?

I'm 39.

Have 2 dc but had a silent MC with third, was heartbroken. Three weeks ago, so still raw

If you were me, would you try again?

Wondering if I'm too old?

OP posts:
honeyandfizz · 09/08/2015 21:37

I don't know any of your personal circumstances but I'm the same age as you and have 2 dc. For me I wouldn't, but then I'm happy with two and as they are 10 & 12 I'm far beyond wanting to change nappies & have sleepless nights. But that's me, what does your heart tell you? Does your dh want another?

winewolfhowls · 09/08/2015 21:37

Only you can decide.

Sorry for your loss. Perhaps wait a while before making any decisions?

Wolfiefan · 09/08/2015 21:38
Flowers I'm so sorry for your loss. Only you can know if you should try again. Yes I believe mc rates increase as you get older but that doesn't mean you couldn't take another pg to term. Would some time out from ttc help? What does your partner/DH think?
LokiBear · 09/08/2015 21:38

The only person who can answer this question is you. If I wanted a baby badly enough, being 39 wouldn't stop me trying.

Original poster
RollingHills191 · 09/08/2015 21:40

DH is very much of the view it's my decision.

Dc1 is 2 and dc2 is 8 months.
Always saw me with 3, wish I hadn't waited so long though...

OP posts:
WhatifIdid · 09/08/2015 21:42

About 1 in 4 pg end in mc, so the odds are most of us will experience one at some point.

I'm sorry for your loss OP, be kind to yourself, it's easy to expect yourself to soldier on and not see it as legitimate to give yourself time to get over it. Flowers

But I don't think 39 is too old for a third at all. If you want another I'd go for it.

Zillie77 · 09/08/2015 21:45

I think every woman knows when her family is complete, and if you feel like yours is not, then try again. Just give yourself a few more weeks of rest and recuperation first, maybe?

HarlettOScara · 09/08/2015 21:45

I'm having the same dilemma. I'm also 39 with 1 DC. I was adamant that I only wanted one but DH would dearly love another. I'm starting to come around to the idea but can't quite decide for sure but I don't have time on my side.

Sorry to hear about your mc Flowers

MakeItACider · 09/08/2015 21:47

If i wanted a 3rd i wouldn't let being 39 stop me from ttc.

Miscarriages are sadly relatively common. I had a mmc after DS1 and soon after fell pregnant with DS2, who was born when i was 39.

greenfolder · 09/08/2015 21:51

We're you trying for dc3? If you weren't then I would wait a bit to see you really want another baby or are just naturally upset after the loss. If you had decided to go for doc 3 I woudnt let a miscarriage put you off

jellybeans · 09/08/2015 21:52

Yes I would. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost 4 babies, two early two 20+ weeks. However I also luckily had 4 healthy pregnancies, one being twins. I KNEW after last one that I was done. After my losses I was desperate to try again but also terrified. I also have medical issues which gave me a very high risk of early and late losses (50+ percent). But I went for it and am so glad I did (last one was in my 30s). I have many friends who have had losses but very few have lost more than one. Good luck with your deciding.

DoMyBest · 09/08/2015 22:10

Not too old at 39! I thought that was quite normal these days?
The rest, as the other posters say, is for you to decide. I suspect, if you're not sure, you need more time to heal before you take the decision.

WildImaginings · 09/08/2015 22:22

No advise to give really, as it's completely your decision.
I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

notquiteruralbliss · 09/08/2015 22:23

I would. I had a tendency to miscarry but still had 4 DCs between the ages of 32 and 42 with 2 miscarriages between DCs 3 and 4.

MizK · 09/08/2015 22:27

Yes I think you should still try if you really want another DC. No way are you too old.

I conceived DD2 almost immediately after a mmc - I'm sure I was told that this is very common, not sure if this is anecdotal or based on real science.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. It's very hard to go through miscarriage and I hope you start to feel okay soon.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/08/2015 22:30

Yes I did. The outcome is rather scrummy and gorgeous even if I do say so myself.

Kurtiz · 09/08/2015 23:31

Yes. You want to, so why not?

siblingrevelryagain · 10/08/2015 08:49

I would if I were you. You are more likely to regret not having a third than you would if you go ahead.

I had a mc in my third pregnancy-ttc straight away (once bleeding had stopped) and got pg straight away with my third child. I rarely think about the mc now, whereas if I hadn't gone on to have another I think it would have consumed me. By having another child it was like re-defining myself as a mum of 3, rather than a grieving mum (if that makes any sense)

scarlets · 10/08/2015 09:20

You want three, and you are still of childbearing age. Sounds to me as if you should ttc.

Good luck! I hope it is successful. No champagne on your 40th for you!

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 10/08/2015 09:25

I didn't even start trying for a family till I was 39.... nothing in life comes with a guarantee, if you want another child then go for it.

I had two mc then two children between 39 and 45, and am very glad I kept going.

MakeItRain · 10/08/2015 09:27

Having children when you're older always carries a few risks. As long as you're ok with that then I wouldn't let the mmc put you off. I had one when my dd was nearly 2. I was 40. I had my son 2 years later.

ShesARumUn · 10/08/2015 09:29

I was 39 when I conceived my second DS, following a miscarriage two months earlier. I'm very very glad I kept trying. I didn't feel too old at all. I have two friends currently pregnant and they are both 41.

Sorry for your loss, good luck for whatever you decide to do.

GladysTheGolem · 10/08/2015 09:29

Sorry for your loss.

Yes I would ttc ASAP, I have had miscarriages before and the only way I 'got over it' was pregnancy.
Nothing like a period to make you feel shit about losing a baby.

BeautifulBatman · 10/08/2015 09:32

I'm 31 weeks with my first dc and I'm 40. So no; you're not too old imo. But just make sure you're emotionally ready Flowers

ghostyslovesheep · 10/08/2015 10:05

I can't tell you what to do x but

I had my 3rd at 38 and had 3 mc's before she came - I think if I had lost her I would have stopped x

My friend had her first at 44!

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