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AIBU?

AIBU- honest opinion, brutally, should I ttc again?

39 replies

RollingHills191 · 09/08/2015 21:35

Would you if you were me?

I'm 39.

Have 2 dc but had a silent MC with third, was heartbroken. Three weeks ago, so still raw

If you were me, would you try again?

Wondering if I'm too old?

OP posts:

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Jennyleth888 · 15/02/2016 09:12

Honestly i think its depends on you as a person. I have seen two women who had their second and third baby at 41 and 39. Both were planned bt one is full of energy and healthy and in my opinion a fantasic mother who could cope with the demands of a young child. The other although a good mother doin her best admits she hasnt coped aswell as she did with her first (she was 28 when she was born) she doesnt have the energy or patience she once had and feels so guilty that she doesnt do as much playing/activities with her youngest daughter and often loses her temper with her when she isnt doing anything wrong just being abit to noisy. She admits waiting untill she was in her 40s was a mistake and the pressure of parent hood is easier when you have youth on your side. So its down to you as an individual couple and you are already blessed with two children.... Which in my opinion is perfect. Im new to mumsnet so excuse the typos poor spelling and grammer im so dyslexic i even have to spell check dyslexic. Whhhyyy doesnt misspelled words show on these comments

MaybeDoctor · 10/08/2015 14:12

I am 40 and just about to have fertility treatment for a second child.
But this year is my personal cut off point. Best wishes.

Purplepoodle · 10/08/2015 13:59

I wouldn't let age stop you. But as a mum of three 6,4,2 it's much harder work than 2

bigbumtheory · 10/08/2015 12:54

I suppose what I'm trying to say, is take each day as it comes.

bigbumtheory · 10/08/2015 12:53

Sorry for your loss OP. Please don't ask that question now, it's so new and raw and the trauma so fresh. Give yourself some time to heal and then see how you feel. If you want another DC then that's where the answer to the question lies.

I had a miscarriage too and the need was there after just a few weeks but it's only now that I feel healed enough to try. If you do decide to try again, wait until you can cope with the period returning because that really really hurts. Missed miscarriage is one of the rarer miscarriages, it doesn't help with the grief but it may help with thinking on trying to conceive again?

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 10/08/2015 12:06

As others have said, only you can make the decision. I was a recurring miscarrier (some late, some early, some missed/silent, only one living child) and every single time we tried again straight afterwards, except the last time as we found out how advanced my cancer was and I immediately had to have a lot of surgery making another biological child impossible.

It helped, every single time it really helped me to try again and helped to grieve, this last time that we couldn't try again has been incredibly hard almost impossible to deal with. Sorry, I don't mean that to sound all woe is me, just trying to give some perspective. I don't think you're too old at all, and if it was me I would try again, but you need to be happy with what you decide. So sorry for your loss x.

SelfRaisingFlour · 10/08/2015 11:20

I had my 3rd child at 40 after both a molar pregnancy and missed miscarriage after my second child.

You're not too old at all.

neolara · 10/08/2015 11:17

Yes, I would try again, but I might wait a month or two to regain some emotional equilibrium. Being pregnant after mc will mess with your head, so starting off in the midst of grief is not a great idea.

BubGal13 · 10/08/2015 11:10

Sorry for your loss OP. I also want 3 and in your position pretty sure Id keep on going!

Now if you were 49 I'd seriously think otherwise for many mroe reasons, but you have many years left to give it a go x

nemo81 · 10/08/2015 10:57

You are only 39, still young. Plenty of ladies have babies later than that. If you want to have another go for it!

BalloonSlayer · 10/08/2015 10:37

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think you are too old at all.

I had 3 m/c before having my DCs. I was worried that it was because I was too old and things would only get worse. I then had DC1 aged 35, DC2 aged 37 and then had a surprise pregnancy and had DC3 aged 43. No m/c between any of the pregnancies.

I did worry, when finding myself pregnant with DC3, that I would probably miscarry and then I'd really want another baby which would mean TTC which was not what we had planned to do. But it never happened and all was fine.

I say go for it!

Esmesgirls · 10/08/2015 10:23

I am fifty and just had my third six weeks ago! Go for it, I'd say- good luck!

PerspicaciaTick · 10/08/2015 10:15

When I had my first MC, I suddenly found I had moved into a secret community where so many of the women I spoke to had experienced the grief of baby loss. It did help me to know that I wasn't the only one, and to see so many of them with their beautiful DCs.
But your MC is so very recent, give yourself plenty of time to recover. Then think about what would be right for you and your DH.
Take good care of yourself, keep talking to your DH.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 10/08/2015 10:08

Sorry for your loss.

I think I would give myself a little time to think things through and physically recover before making a decision. At 39 with two children already, odds are you're still able to carry a pregnancy to term and time isn't so much of the essence that every month counts. Be kind to yourself, and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

ghostyslovesheep · 10/08/2015 10:05

I can't tell you what to do x but

I had my 3rd at 38 and had 3 mc's before she came - I think if I had lost her I would have stopped x

My friend had her first at 44!

BeautifulBatman · 10/08/2015 09:32

I'm 31 weeks with my first dc and I'm 40. So no; you're not too old imo. But just make sure you're emotionally ready

GladysTheGolem · 10/08/2015 09:29

Sorry for your loss.

Yes I would ttc ASAP, I have had miscarriages before and the only way I 'got over it' was pregnancy.
Nothing like a period to make you feel shit about losing a baby.

ShesARumUn · 10/08/2015 09:29

I was 39 when I conceived my second DS, following a miscarriage two months earlier. I'm very very glad I kept trying. I didn't feel too old at all. I have two friends currently pregnant and they are both 41.

Sorry for your loss, good luck for whatever you decide to do.

MakeItRain · 10/08/2015 09:27

Having children when you're older always carries a few risks. As long as you're ok with that then I wouldn't let the mmc put you off. I had one when my dd was nearly 2. I was 40. I had my son 2 years later.

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 10/08/2015 09:25

I didn't even start trying for a family till I was 39.... nothing in life comes with a guarantee, if you want another child then go for it.

I had two mc then two children between 39 and 45, and am very glad I kept going.

scarlets · 10/08/2015 09:20

You want three, and you are still of childbearing age. Sounds to me as if you should ttc.

Good luck! I hope it is successful. No champagne on your 40th for you!

siblingrevelryagain · 10/08/2015 08:49

I would if I were you. You are more likely to regret not having a third than you would if you go ahead.

I had a mc in my third pregnancy-ttc straight away (once bleeding had stopped) and got pg straight away with my third child. I rarely think about the mc now, whereas if I hadn't gone on to have another I think it would have consumed me. By having another child it was like re-defining myself as a mum of 3, rather than a grieving mum (if that makes any sense)

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Kurtiz · 09/08/2015 23:31

Yes. You want to, so why not?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/08/2015 22:30

Yes I did. The outcome is rather scrummy and gorgeous even if I do say so myself.

MizK · 09/08/2015 22:27

Yes I think you should still try if you really want another DC. No way are you too old.

I conceived DD2 almost immediately after a mmc - I'm sure I was told that this is very common, not sure if this is anecdotal or based on real science.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. It's very hard to go through miscarriage and I hope you start to feel okay soon.

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