Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people who purposely live apart in order to claim more benefits are hard faced, entitled idiots?

141 replies

SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 17:27

Can't help but feel annoyed, pissed off and rather fuming following a conversation with one of my so called friends this morning, and I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable, because as far as I'm concerned I'm not, but according to my friend I'm blowing things out of proportion.

For a while now I've suspected that something dodgy was going on between her and her partner and without sounding bitter or nasty I've always wondered how she's been able to live the life she does and afford the things she has when she's supposedley a single parent on minimum wage. She supposedley split from her partner (to her four children) two years ago, whilst they were together they lived a modest lifestyle with the occasional treats etc (rather like me and my dh) but since they've separated she's suddenly bought herself a new Audi, she's out every weekend with friends, she has weekly spa/hair/tanning appointments, is splashing out on designer clothes et etc and whilst usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me and good on people who can afford these sort of things, like I said, I always wondered how she was affording it all, well now I know.

I decided as she was a friend to ask her outright what was going on, and after doging a few questions and acting kind of awkward she finally admitted the truth. She admitted that she made her partner move to his dad's house so that she could claim more in benefits ie housing benefit, tax credits, council tax relief, and income support (she works 10 hour a week).

I asked her if her and her partner were struggling and is that why they felt the need to do what they had done and she said no, and that they were simply sick and tired of not being able to afford all the little extras, such as holidays, nights out, fancy clothes, lavish Christmas's etc etc and that they knew they'd get at with it. Basically she was told by another friend (a rather dodgy friend!) that if her other half is registered elsewhere or for mail, doctors, dentist, bills etc then the "benefits people" can't touch her and that's she'd get away with claiming as single, despite still be very much involved with her "ex".

Well to say I was shocked (despite my initial suspicion) is an understatement, I mean if she had done this because she was struggling that would still be bad enough but maybe I could have understood but she's done this out of pure greed! And to top it off she knows that me and my dh have been struggling lately (nothing too serious) and that we've had to budget like crazy to afford the essentials and all she has done is brag about her upcoming foreign holidays, that her "ex" is also going on! So this morning I'd had enough, I told her exactly what I thought of her and stormed off, she's dunce phoned me around thirty times and text saying she wants to sort things out. But how can I be friends with such a lying, manipulative person?

OP posts:
SylvanianCaliphate · 09/08/2015 22:15

Viv I think you get a voucher book now with tax credits.
£26.000 off a new Audi.
£4500 off family holidays with an extra £2.000 spends if you brag loudly.

I think it was on a ch5 program Wink

LaurieFairyCake · 09/08/2015 22:17

She's not doing anything wrong.

He needs to be reported for tax evasion.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/08/2015 22:31

What do you get thats away from the cap? Do you get FSM, dentist optitian uniform help etc .. as well?

fedupbutfine · 09/08/2015 23:06

And to whoever told me to get a full time job, I don't nee to and not do I want to hair yet, we manage ok on our wages and I have really young children (6,4,2 year olds) so I'm not willing to pay over £1000 per month for a stranger to look after them!

Just...wow. You know single parents don't have a choice about that, don't you? And then you say....

I have two friends who are single patents, they work during the week, have their children in a free school club so only pick them up at 6-6.30pm. They have them in bed by 7.30pm so spend no quality time with them at all and then send them to tenor father's house from Frifay tea time through until Sunday tea time. I myself consider them to have it easy!

so...what is it that single parents are supposed to do? Our childcare costs are the same as a couple's childcare costs. I am not particularly willing for strangers to look after my children but I have no choice but to work to support my children...because if I don't work and support my children I am a 'benefit scrounger' and people resent it when I buy myself a car/have a holiday/wear new clothes. I mean, how dare I manage my money so well that I'm able to do the same as all those 'hardworking families'.... But then hey, people like you consider my life is easy because my children are in childcare whilst I work my backside off all day to support them and then they get to go to their father's house so that makes my life even easier. I mean, I just live the life of fucking riley, don't I?! So now I'm a shit parent for putting my children in childcare and actually doing my best to support them....what is it you want me to do?!

Seriously, which tree did you fall out of? Maybe just recognise that you have no idea what is going on in other people's lives unless you have walked a few miles in their shoes. Some empathy wouldn't go amiss, would it? I hope your life never slides out from under you 'cos you'd never cope.

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 23:11

I thought the benefit cap doesn't apply if you work?

wannabestressfree · 09/08/2015 23:29

bravo fed up!!!

SerialBox · 09/08/2015 23:39

I'm a single parent. I have a boyfriend who earns decent money. I have decided we are not living together until after DD is at school as I won't be reliant on a man who isn't DDs Dad to pay nursery fees etc.

I'm not going to lie, he's paying the majority towards our holiday (2/3) I'm paying the rest and taking our spending money. It's not about being greedy for me, it's about me protecting my financial independence. I receive tax credits, I also work full time term time. I've been in a financially abusive marriage and as much as I trust my boyfriend I'm not willing to put my daughter and I's future in someone else's hands.

scarlets · 09/08/2015 23:44

Tell HMRC about his under-declaring s/e income. They can check bank accounts/spending habits etc to check whether expenditure is in line with income. They have lots of resources at their disposal.

If the two of them are living apart, she's collecting her benefits legitimately. DWP won't be able to do anything. They'll reduce next April anyway.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 23:59

Well said fedup

Szeli · 10/08/2015 01:07

She would be barely better off doing it this way rather than legitimately if her partner only earns £6k (on paper)

They would recieve the highest rate for tax credits, housing benefit and council tax relief as they fall under the lower threshold so not only are they defrauding the system they're doing it needlessly.

me thinks she's on the game Grin

sashh · 10/08/2015 06:40

Unless her rent and council tax have just gone up how is she claiming more?

And the DWP do sometimes come out and check you are really single (I had a male housemate and we were both on benefits at the same time for a while).

As for just being registered somewhere else - er, no, if you spend three nights a week together you are classed as a couple.

SerialBox

I hope this is a fab man and you get the relationship we all deserve and I totally understand your reasoning.

The80sweregreat · 10/08/2015 06:43

Its been going on for years, dh has distant family who have had all kinds of scams similar to this. Talk to anyone and they will know someone, have fa,ily/ friends bucking the system. Unfortunately the people that really need help and play by the rules seem to be worse off.
Its not fair, but theres little you can do. People might say to tell the authorities. Not easy either. It just adds fuel to the fire that everyone is,on the take. Its a small minority, but when you hear it happening it just causes resentment.

NotInVenezualaNowDrRopata · 10/08/2015 06:46

but since they've separated she's suddenly bought herself a new Audi, she's out every weekend with friends, she has weekly spa/hair/tanning appointments, is splashing out on designer clothes et etc and whilst usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me and good on people who can afford these sort of things, like I said, I always wondered how she was affording it all, well now I know.

I decided as she was a friend to ask her outright what was going on, and after doging a few questions and acting kind of awkward she finally admitted the truth. She admitted that she made her partner move to his dad's house so that she could claim more in benefits ie housing benefit, tax credits, council tax relief, and income support (she works 10 hour a week).

BULL. SHIT.

NotInVenezualaNowDrRopata · 10/08/2015 06:46

This particular type of goady-fuck-trollery is tantamount to inciting hatred and she be illegal, never-mind against talk guidelines.

chickenfuckingpox · 10/08/2015 07:46

ok so if this is a genuine thread he should be reported obviously

still think you are a shite friend if any friend of mine began questioning my finances they would not be my friend for long and i would give them a verbal smack it's none of your business

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/08/2015 09:41

Oh dear! Dont you think that its wrong that a couple who want to live together, but are financially better off apart, because of government rules is wrong? Yes people play the system, this has been going on for decades, its not new, plenty of children live without their father not because of divorce, but because of money. I know because i was one of them 35 years ago. If the system allowed couples to be no worse off, whether married or not, the children would have fathers at home.

TendonQueen · 10/08/2015 09:56

NotinVenezuela so people should be allowed to live their lives as they choose, except when they write comments about other people's lives online because that should be illegal? Fucking ridiculous.

MistressDeeCee · 10/08/2015 10:04

a new Audi, she's out every weekend with friends, she has weekly spa/hair/tanning appointments, is splashing out on designer clothes

& this is a single mum of 4?

I don't believe a word of it. This thread is just an excuse to have a pop at single mothers who dare to have a life/DP as opposed to being a stuck at home drudge or working 24/7 to suit the sensibilities of the "I need a scapegoat for my own dissatisfaction with life" bods

BaronessEllaSaturday · 10/08/2015 10:08

this is one instance where I would expect the couple to qualify for more help if they were claiming as a couple since he earns so little on paper. If the woman is working 10 hours a week she will lose all but £15 of her income support due to her wages however if they claimed as a couple they would qualify for WTC which on their incomes would provide more than the £15 of IS that they would lose. There is no way that they have more money by living apart

Seffina · 10/08/2015 11:35

It sounds like she thinks she's doing great out of this 'deal' but the one who is gaining the most is her DP.

I hear about these people on MN who are playing the benefit system and they all seem to have amazing lives, but do they really? If all they want from life is to buy a big tv (on credit) or designer clothes (ebay) and go to the pub once a week are their lives really any better than anyone else?

Personally, I want more than a life on benefits can get me. I've seen what 'playing the system' gets you, I'm not sure it was a better lifestyle than the one I had where my parents worked. They're happy because they think they've 'won', but I wouldn't be happy with that life.

Seffina · 10/08/2015 11:41

YY Baroness why wasn't he claiming such low hours and WTC when they were living together? Perhaps it only made a difference to his income if they lived apart - more money and less having to deal with the children.

Who's idea was it to live apart, hers or his?

NotInVenezualaNowDrRopata · 10/08/2015 12:10

No Tendon making shit up to denigrate a portion of the population and incite hatred is illegal in many cases.

I'm just a bit hazy on why the poor get no benefit from that approach.

penisland · 10/08/2015 12:38

Under £200/month will get you in a brand new Audi so pretty much anyone can get one. Shit cars, great marketing.

ArendelleQueen · 10/08/2015 12:54

On these threads, the OPs are always bold and ask outright about earnings. The 'friends' are always very open and forthcoming, practically providing a spreadsheet. Apart from the friends I have through my work, I have zero idea of how much any of my friends (or family, except my DP) earn.

SheSparkles · 10/08/2015 13:01

I sympathise with OP. I have knowledge of someone who lives similarly, although as a student rather than working. The income she had, between tax credits, "single parent" student allowances, and what she didn't have to pay out such as school meals, council tax etc was phenomenal. Her partner lives with her, although not on paper -kept clothes etc in the boot of his car.
I reported her to the council re the council tax, and they did investigate, but as the chap told me "we know they're doing it but we can't prove it". They had it seen up. She was a student for about 10 years, and yes it gripped my shit