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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people who purposely live apart in order to claim more benefits are hard faced, entitled idiots?

141 replies

SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 17:27

Can't help but feel annoyed, pissed off and rather fuming following a conversation with one of my so called friends this morning, and I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable, because as far as I'm concerned I'm not, but according to my friend I'm blowing things out of proportion.

For a while now I've suspected that something dodgy was going on between her and her partner and without sounding bitter or nasty I've always wondered how she's been able to live the life she does and afford the things she has when she's supposedley a single parent on minimum wage. She supposedley split from her partner (to her four children) two years ago, whilst they were together they lived a modest lifestyle with the occasional treats etc (rather like me and my dh) but since they've separated she's suddenly bought herself a new Audi, she's out every weekend with friends, she has weekly spa/hair/tanning appointments, is splashing out on designer clothes et etc and whilst usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me and good on people who can afford these sort of things, like I said, I always wondered how she was affording it all, well now I know.

I decided as she was a friend to ask her outright what was going on, and after doging a few questions and acting kind of awkward she finally admitted the truth. She admitted that she made her partner move to his dad's house so that she could claim more in benefits ie housing benefit, tax credits, council tax relief, and income support (she works 10 hour a week).

I asked her if her and her partner were struggling and is that why they felt the need to do what they had done and she said no, and that they were simply sick and tired of not being able to afford all the little extras, such as holidays, nights out, fancy clothes, lavish Christmas's etc etc and that they knew they'd get at with it. Basically she was told by another friend (a rather dodgy friend!) that if her other half is registered elsewhere or for mail, doctors, dentist, bills etc then the "benefits people" can't touch her and that's she'd get away with claiming as single, despite still be very much involved with her "ex".

Well to say I was shocked (despite my initial suspicion) is an understatement, I mean if she had done this because she was struggling that would still be bad enough but maybe I could have understood but she's done this out of pure greed! And to top it off she knows that me and my dh have been struggling lately (nothing too serious) and that we've had to budget like crazy to afford the essentials and all she has done is brag about her upcoming foreign holidays, that her "ex" is also going on! So this morning I'd had enough, I told her exactly what I thought of her and stormed off, she's dunce phoned me around thirty times and text saying she wants to sort things out. But how can I be friends with such a lying, manipulative person?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 20:22

So you have lovely well behaved children and careers you're happy with. Why can't you just be happy with that?

I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable

Not the impression I get.

SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 20:25

Let's just leave it there than shall we? I myself am quite happy in my life but at the same time feel rather angry towards a so called friend who has lied to me for more than two years. But if you all want to make out that I'm jealous and somehow don't have a life of my own for daring to question my friends lies then go ahead. I can sleep soundly knowing that i've done nothing wrong, so think what you like.

OP posts:
HowDdo2You · 09/08/2015 20:26

You do sound jealous and unhappy, I am pleased that isn't the case.

revealall · 09/08/2015 20:31

I don't understand how she has lied to you. She seems to have told you lots.
She also isn't lying to benefits as her and her husband are living apart.
I still maintain you are better off directing your angst to her husband who is tax evading and therefore claiming benefits dishonestly.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 20:32

She's actually lied to you for more than two years? Or not been forthcoming with the information you thought you had a right to?

Nice to hear you're happy in your life and can sleep soundly though.

FoFeeFiMum · 09/08/2015 20:53

What really shits me up here is that everyone bashing OP for being too interested and saying the 'friend' is completely within her rights are the same people who demonise the government when they make any attempt to reduce benefits.

Why do you think they have to make cuts???? Because there is only so much money to go around and people like the OP describes are taking what they are not morally entitled to and ruining it for everyone.

Next time you all want to get on your high horses and make voodoo dolls of cabinet members or complain that your local library is being shut down then think about the money that has been paid to this woman because she is supposedly a single mother, without financial support from her ex partner when in actual fact she is, financially speaking, almost fully supported by him from his under-declared untaxed income and therefore any benefits she receives can happily be used on luxuries like beauty treatments rather than day to day living costs, which are easily covered by her ex.

It is absolutely right that financial support is available for those who are not able to support themselves, especially those with children, but so that people can get a brand new car and and a weekly pedicure - seriously, is anyone actually condoning that??????

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/08/2015 20:56

I think anyone paying tax has the right to feel annoyed at those playing the system. Its there to help those in need, not those who fancy being a bit better off. Those on benefits should also be annoyed that this is why the gov are cutting benefits, because some fancy a few extra quid.

MatildaTheCat · 09/08/2015 20:58

Report her.

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:02

YNBU!

Lots where I live do it. I'm a single parent on Benefits. Don't drink or smoke. Just about scrape by. I couldn't afford a Fisher price car right now never mind an Audi!

MistressDeeCee · 09/08/2015 21:02

She probably told you a Jackanory OP. I would, if a nosey friend suddenly quizzed me like that Id make up any old rubbish and let her run with it

Wantsunshine · 09/08/2015 21:04

I think you should report her. It is thieves like her that have made it more difficult for disabled people to get help. She would have to work so hard to pay rent/mortgage and have that lifestyle but instead she gets it for free. Hopefully she doesn't sleep well and worries about a knock on the door from investigators

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:07

Exactly FoFeeFiMum! When the Bedroom Tax came in. I got told by Housing Benefit they'd be doing home assessments for the whole of our Area - to check circumstances are the same. Never bothered me as I have nothing to hide.
Thing is HB never came out to ANYONE. They'd have missed at least 20 'single' parents around here who's 'absent father' lives with them and works 40hr weeks.

OP I too would be tempted to report her but can understand why you wouldn't as she would suspect it was you.
FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. She sounds very entitled.

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:07

But are they living separately though? Or are they just living separately on paper?

TravellingHopefully12 · 09/08/2015 21:10

I'd just like to say, I've seen this from the other side.

We have very close friends who are a couple. One half is an artist who makes beautiful work but is struggling to get by - she is building her business from the ground but it is very slow (although she has seen advantages.) Her DP has an OK salary on and off. Before they moved in together she was entitled to WP's TCs which supported her (they paid for her food and stuff while her art just covered her rent.)

Now they are living together and she is entitled to nothing. The fact that her DP has to support her while she gets to where she is going has caused a massive strain on their relationship. He wants her to live with him, but he wants her to contribute, which she cannot do (although she cooks and stuff.) There is a real imbalance going on, and I hate to see how hurt and upset she gets over it.

I live separately to my DP because he is on a trainee scheme where he's moved to a different place every six months. I'm a freelance writer (with a paper round - people still find it funny that a woman in her 20s has a paper round) and get WP's TCs - without them I could not pay rent.

Saying that I would love to live with DP and am counting down until his traineeship is finished.

Viviennemary · 09/08/2015 21:12

If you think she is making a fraudulent claim then report her. The more people like her exist the more people will vote for a government who wants to cut benefits. IMHO. But I don't think she'd be able to afford a new Audi on a benefit claim. Unless she's involved in drug dealing or bullion robbery. Still you never know.

HowDdo2You · 09/08/2015 21:15

You know I am sure someone reported me for benefit fraud as I got an odd letter out of the blue saying they were going to credit me with NI credits for a period years back. I don't claim out of work benefits Grin

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:22

OP if her 'ex' is truly 'legally' registered elsewhere then report, and nothing shall come of it.
I doubt this is the case though.

It's alright people saying the op is getting too much involved in this but they ARE lying. The 'ex' for one to HMRC about his income.

If the friend is getting IS then I'm sure that would count as income based wouldn't it? She's obviously not declaring the extra income (disregarding any maintenance) her ex is giving her. Which I thought you had to? Right?

It's up to you op. Report it. But if you don't feel comfortable. Put it down to a lesson learned and leave karma to catch up with them. Because they will notice the discrepancies soon enough.

owlborn · 09/08/2015 21:25

Am I allowed to say the maths here don't make sense? I mean, both DH and I work full time and we earn good money. I'm pretty sure I bring home more than your friend would on benefits, under the benefits cap, and I don't have designer clothes or go to spas/tanning sessions/hair dressers every month while driving a brand new Audi. Even if she's claiming every single benefit under the sun, she can't be claiming more than £26k and that's not a fortune.

If she genuinely has all that, then she's not claiming benefits, she's dealing drugs or something. If what the OP means (which I suspect) is that she bought a 10 year old Audi for £500, and also has been to a spa and wears some knock off designer clothes that she got second hand and just looks like she's having a bit too much fun in life, then the OP is being U.

As for claiming, I think if she and her partner live apart, then she is entitled to them. You do know that the benefits system has actually nothing to do with whether you're having sex with anyone? That's none of the government's business. They judge on whether you're living with someone as a family. That's why a friend of mine wasn't able to claim benefits after she broke up with her partner as long as she was living in his house (and he was giving her jack and shit and was being a total git as well) and why when my ex and I split up, but he was still living on my sofa, I had to support him because the government said we were still a family. And why she is entitled to benefits.

Those are the rules. And I guess they all balance out in the end.

19lottie82 · 09/08/2015 21:32

Do you not need to earn 16hours to get associated WT credits, not 10?

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:33

They'd prove it OP because they will watch them for a short period of time.
His car left outside more than three nights a week etc. Asking to use the loo so they can count number of toothbrushes. Generic mail people don't think to change. Also letting neighbours infer your the landlord / gas man / handyman and asking about the people who live at number 8 for example. Where most people go oh yes 'Tom and Jane are a lovely couple' for example. I was told all this by a friend who used to work at HB. Not to mention checking their bank accounts.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/08/2015 21:33

Well she was working 10 hours a week and DP paid rent/bills. Shes now claiming 26k, DP still has 35k, her earnings have almost doubled their income.

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:43

Her ex has lied to HMRC and said he only gets £6k in order to claim working tax credits on top of his £35k. That's not okay. He's defrauding hmrc for a start.

snowgirl29 · 09/08/2015 21:46

That's not strictly true owl. Regardless of whether the Ex really is her ex or not. If friend is claiming HB. The Non-Dependant Deduction would apply.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 21:57

If the OP is absolutely sure of her facts having carried out her interrogation she's free to make a report. I suspect she won't and would much rather rant on an internet forum expecting validation.

Babyroobs · 09/08/2015 22:12

It is very easy to report benefit fraud - Just Google ' Reporting benefit fraud'. the online form is very easy to fill out and submit.

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