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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people who purposely live apart in order to claim more benefits are hard faced, entitled idiots?

141 replies

SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 17:27

Can't help but feel annoyed, pissed off and rather fuming following a conversation with one of my so called friends this morning, and I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable, because as far as I'm concerned I'm not, but according to my friend I'm blowing things out of proportion.

For a while now I've suspected that something dodgy was going on between her and her partner and without sounding bitter or nasty I've always wondered how she's been able to live the life she does and afford the things she has when she's supposedley a single parent on minimum wage. She supposedley split from her partner (to her four children) two years ago, whilst they were together they lived a modest lifestyle with the occasional treats etc (rather like me and my dh) but since they've separated she's suddenly bought herself a new Audi, she's out every weekend with friends, she has weekly spa/hair/tanning appointments, is splashing out on designer clothes et etc and whilst usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me and good on people who can afford these sort of things, like I said, I always wondered how she was affording it all, well now I know.

I decided as she was a friend to ask her outright what was going on, and after doging a few questions and acting kind of awkward she finally admitted the truth. She admitted that she made her partner move to his dad's house so that she could claim more in benefits ie housing benefit, tax credits, council tax relief, and income support (she works 10 hour a week).

I asked her if her and her partner were struggling and is that why they felt the need to do what they had done and she said no, and that they were simply sick and tired of not being able to afford all the little extras, such as holidays, nights out, fancy clothes, lavish Christmas's etc etc and that they knew they'd get at with it. Basically she was told by another friend (a rather dodgy friend!) that if her other half is registered elsewhere or for mail, doctors, dentist, bills etc then the "benefits people" can't touch her and that's she'd get away with claiming as single, despite still be very much involved with her "ex".

Well to say I was shocked (despite my initial suspicion) is an understatement, I mean if she had done this because she was struggling that would still be bad enough but maybe I could have understood but she's done this out of pure greed! And to top it off she knows that me and my dh have been struggling lately (nothing too serious) and that we've had to budget like crazy to afford the essentials and all she has done is brag about her upcoming foreign holidays, that her "ex" is also going on! So this morning I'd had enough, I told her exactly what I thought of her and stormed off, she's dunce phoned me around thirty times and text saying she wants to sort things out. But how can I be friends with such a lying, manipulative person?

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 09/08/2015 18:30

No they would not be entitled to £360 a week not including HB and CT benefit.

pinkchoctruffle · 09/08/2015 18:30

£224 in TC according to entitledto.

I think it's a fairly substantial amount to be honest. It's not skiing holidays and champagne but it isn't starving in the garret either especially with IS and CB bringing the total up to around the £360 mark.

That's an income of about £1500 p/m and not paying for housing costs or council tax? Seems OK to me. I was 'bringing home' £2000 in a salary of £40000 and we had a mortgage in those days.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/08/2015 18:30

Afreshstart then she would receive less than £200 a week in CTC.

pinkchoctruffle · 09/08/2015 18:31

Site must be wrong then. It said:

CTC - £224
IS - £73.10 (I assumed at least one of the children was under 5.)
CB - £62

Plus HB and CT benefit.

ssd · 09/08/2015 18:33

well no I didnt.....

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 18:35

But what she gets as a "single" parent alone is irrelevant really as she is not a single parent and she has her partners wage AND her partner's benefits on top of her money as well.

OP posts:
HowDdo2You · 09/08/2015 18:37

I don't understand why you are so worked up by this? If it's jealousy get a full time job, if it's moral outrage on behalf of the tax payer report her.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/08/2015 18:39

This has been going on a long time. What really bugs me, is that it has been proven better for a child if the parents are living together, yet gov make it more profitable to live apart. And pay for said father to be housed etc. I think that woman with 8 kids on the tv who is single, yet produces a baby every year with the same father should be looked at!!

fakenamefornow · 09/08/2015 18:39

I think it is a shame in a way that the benefit system is set up it is financially beneficial to not live together. I remember seeing a benefits rights adviser on TV once saying that she has done hundreds of calculations for every type of family you could imagine and had never once found that a couple are better off financially, together rather than single.

I guess if they aren't living together, then they can claim as single people and not be breaking any laws or even, you might argue, acting immorally. I guess maybe people used to marry for tax benefits, now they stay single for state benefits, maybe?

FreudiansSlipper · 09/08/2015 18:39

End the friendship tell her why

Then if that does not stop you feeling so worked up report her

End of drama

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 18:47

I have ended the friendship, mainly because she has repeatedly lied, and I don't need people like that in my life. And to whoever told me to get a full time job, I don't nee to and not do I want to hair yet, we manage ok on our wages and I have really young children (6,4,2 year olds) so I'm not willing to pay over £1000 per month for a stranger to look after them! As it stands i work 10.30am- 2.00pm weekdays and work Saturday mornings, which fits April my dh shifts and works well for us as a family.

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 09/08/2015 18:50

Maybe reporting her will make you feel better off load some of that anger

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 18:55

To be honest it wouldn't change a thing. Mainly because I've lost a so called dear friend of mine through lies and deceit and secondly, she's right, they can't touch her, as her "ex" is legally registered elsewhere.

OP posts:
pinkchoctruffle · 09/08/2015 19:02

Sally - two misleading points there.

Firstly, outcomes for children who's parents are not together are not 'worse' when the income is high and in cases where the mother has a degree make no difference. In other words it's a combination of poverty and education that make the difference.

Secondly, a single male without children living with him would be entitled to very little.

revealall · 09/08/2015 19:05

She's not actually doing anything illegal though. He on the other hand appears to be evading tax and claiming benefits fraudulently.

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 19:09

She's admitted that they both agreed that he would move back into his father's house in order to to maximise their benefit entitlement, how is that not illegal?

OP posts:
Melonfool · 09/08/2015 19:10

She's wrong that they "can't touch her" and there is no such thing as "legally registered". The DWP do investigate and would simply follow her and her partner, then if he continually went back to 'her' house they would speak to the landlord and neighbours, and his parents' neighbours, and then they would ask for entry and look in the bedroom, bathroom etc.
If she refused to assist an investigation she would have her benefits stopped, same for him.

If they investigate they will find he is living there and they will have the bens stopped and have to pay back overpayments. They may have to go to court.

I know because we deal with people this has happened to at the CAB.

You should report her. It's your civic duty.

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 19:13

She has already told me that she makes sure he doesn't leave any of his things at her house, so how they'd prove that they're indeed a couple I do not know.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 09/08/2015 19:13

Why do people find it SO hard to grasp that couple = 2 incomes or 1 income + no childcare, or variations thereof

and LP = do everything yourself! FFS of course the benefit system is going to provide more to LPs. And I am an LP as ex H became incredibly abusive once I got pregnant so no, not better for my DC to grow up in fear for want of staying together.

FWIW I am an LP who earns a good wage and I get royally fucked off with the whole "DH and I aren't entitled to a penny" BS. You would be if one or both of you lost your job/became disabled/was on min wage.

Philoslothy · 09/08/2015 19:17

Can you find out where they got their Audi from ? I would like a super cheap Audi

TendonQueen · 09/08/2015 19:19

What makes people get cross with the OP here instead of her friend? Don't get it.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/08/2015 19:19

Woo ... I said the gov says children are better with two parents, but make it financially better for LP. Their policy doesnt stand up. I dont blame people for working a system. I blame the gov for making it their policy.

KissMyAsthma · 09/08/2015 19:19

Utter utter bullshit.

Littlecaf · 09/08/2015 19:21

You need to report her if that's what she'd told you.

I would feel sorry for the children. Who puts their kids through that voluntarily? Poor parenting choices.

If she would like more more money, retrain/get promoted/get another job.

Original poster
SecretlyLaughing · 09/08/2015 19:22

No, I'm sorry, being a LP doesn't automatically mean you do and absolutely everything by yourself! Just as an example I have two friends who are single patents, they work during the week, have their children in a free school club so only pick them up at 6-6.30pm. They have them in bed by 7.30pm so spend no quality time with them at all and then send them to tenor father's house from Frifay tea time through until Sunday tea time. I myself consider them to have it easy!

OP posts: