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AIBU? refuse to go on holiday next year if it's camping again?

137 replies

WyrdByrd · 07/08/2015 09:10

We've been camping every year for about the last 7 years gradually building up to a full week this year.

We don't have a huge holiday budget, so I try to put a cheery face on and have previously ended up enjoying most of it but this year I have just had enough.

Packing/pitching & the reverse is hard work & incredibly stressful as DH is pretty anal about how things are done. He's also over a foot taller than me so trying to erect an 8 man steel framed tent is quite a challenge & invariably causes rows.

Living in the pockets of DH & DD is something I really struggle with. I love them dearly but suffer with anxiety & need my own space to keep it under control. Without that, I get panic attacks which I try to keep under their radar which causes more stressful. I also have misophonia which is absolutely toe curling in a fecking tent!

I don't sleep well at the best of times, and an EMCS plus 3 further abdominal surgeries means I rarely get through the night without needing the loo. I can potter to the bathroom & back half asleep normally,but when a trip to the bathroom requires shoes, jacket, torch, negotiating a double zip tent flap & 200m trek each way that's not possible. At home if I suffer insomnia I'll make myself cosy on the couch & read/watch tv until I nod off - can't do that here as camping chairs aren't so cosy & light in bedroom would wake the others.

I hate only being able to have showers all week. The facilities here are great but it's just not the same...

Finally 'here' is where we've camped for the last three years. It's a great site & location has lovely beaches (which we've managed 3.5 days on out of 17 that we've spent here in total due to weather). We've exhausted the stuff to do otherwise & frankly I'm bored senseless of the place.

DH is not keen on doing anything other than camping because of cost & has already made noises about booking again for next year (he's done it before we've left the last two years, although I'm pretty sure he won't after yesterday's convo).

I get that money's tight but I would rather have a year off going away & do days out next year than 7 nights camping again. Quite happy to consider it the following year in a different location whilst praying our circs change & we don't have to, or do a shorter, more local trip alongside days out next year.

I can't help but feel I'm being UR & selfish. The only alternative that I've found for next year is a cottage which is very reasonable but all the things to do are art/literature/history based which would bore DH rigid.

I think mostly need to vent but if anyone has any solutions they'd be much appreciated.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 07/08/2015 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 07/08/2015 09:16

I think a frank discussion with your DH is needed - it doesn't sound like a decent holiday for you at all.
I agree don't book a camping trip next year and have days out instead or book somewhere cheap like a premier inn for a few days in an interesting location.


AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 07/08/2015 09:17

Yanbu. I don't see why your DH gets to decide where you go every year, it's all about compromise.

I wouldn't want to go to the same place every year either.


ProcrastinatorGeneral · 07/08/2015 09:19

You've camped for seven years, compromised your comfort zones. Time for your husband to do the same. Cottage and culture sounds great. Book it, if he kicks off tell him he's being a brat.


Idontseeanydragons · 07/08/2015 09:20

YANBU. I love camping but it's the worst type of holiday if you're not happy and comfortable
Tell him Now you won't be joining him next year if he books it. He can have a lovely Father/Daughter bonding experience while you decide what you want to do that week Smile


patterkiller · 07/08/2015 09:22

I wouldn't go. We xped for two years when DC were small and I refused any more on the grounds that it was supposed to be a holiday not boot camp.

Planned day trips with maybe a couple of nights in a travel lodge to somewhere interesting/fun really shouldn't cost much more and be far less stressful for you.
I do feel your pain.


WyrdByrd · 07/08/2015 09:24

Thank God it's not me!

I don't always find it so hard as I have done this year. We have a lovely tent & all the bits to make it comfy but the lack of space & sleep and route marches to the loo I really struggle with.

I enjoy some aspects of it - we've had some nice days out & I quite enjoy outdoor cooking. DH more than pulls his weight & does all the driving which makes me question why I'm being such a misery.

I think I've been more anxious than usual this year because my parents, who are in their late 70's, have had lots of health problems lately, particularly dad who had a brief trip to A&E the day before we left. I'm an only child, very close to my dad & we have no other family locally so that's been niggling in the back of my mind all week too.

OP posts:

hels71 · 07/08/2015 09:29

Oh I feel your pain. We have camped in the same place for the last 7 years and it's our only holiday too. (apart from visiting my mum..)
The only way I cope is that we have a trailer tent/folding camper so there is a little fridge for my tonic water!!!! We also have a camping loo in the awning for night time visits.

This year the weather was not good and I was really fed up and am now researching cheap cottages (if such a thing exits!)

The problem is Dh loves camping (although is starting to find the tent too much to manage) and DD adores camping and any suggestion of a change is not met with approval!

I just can not get them to see that while it might be a holiday for them it is not for me....

No advice, but sympathy!!!


WyrdByrd · 07/08/2015 09:29

DH won't hear of separate holidays until DD is older - it's all about faaaamily Wink .

Tbf he pays for our holidays. I chip in what I can for food/days out but a restructuring at work means it's pretty much impossible for me to get any overtime these days. I can't change my job as it's close to home and ridiculously flexible which I need re DD & parents.

Am hoping to get a second, evening job so I have a bit more 'fun money' which will make a big difference

OP posts:

paxtecum · 07/08/2015 09:30

Can you find a cottage in an area that would suit both of you?

I'd have a bucket with a lid for night wees.


Babymamamama · 07/08/2015 09:31

We don't camp. It's it my cup of tea. Prefer a comfy bed and a bath! So we've done all inclusive or self catering both in uk and overseas. I don't think it's compulsory to holiday every year. So could you save up for a holiday and in the meantime do visits to relatives etc. I totally understand your sleeping issues too. Having no sofa to escape to can be torture if you're a light sleeper.


patterkiller · 07/08/2015 09:32

pax cottages are ££££ in the summer holidays. The op needs something on a budget


Idontseeanydragons · 07/08/2015 09:32

Well if he wants a family holiday he's going to have to listen to the whole family then Smile
Hire a cottage with a garden, make him camp outside and only use the BBQ?


hels71 · 07/08/2015 09:32

(I did, in a rather frustrated moment, say they could camp alone next year and I was going to a hotel and DD cried!!!)


Branleuse · 07/08/2015 09:36

Can you get your own small tent, so youre not as close proximity


MidniteScribbler · 07/08/2015 09:37

I only camp under five stars.


StarlingMurmuration · 07/08/2015 09:48

God no, YANBU! Camping is horrible at the best of times, let alone with your particular circumstances. It's your turn to pick, he's had his way for seven years.


Summergarden · 07/08/2015 09:50

YANBU, camping would be my idea of hell.

Agree with PP about trying to find another cottage with more access to things that DH would like too. Does it need to be in the UK, if so, which areas? It seems that booking very far in advance gets the best deals.


LadyJuliaFlyte · 07/08/2015 09:51

Tell him that it's not a holiday for you, it's a chore. Surely he can't be so selfish as to make you have a holiday you dislike. If he's not up for compromising and doing something that you both could enjoy, then he's an extremely selfish person.


AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 07/08/2015 09:51

What's your budget OP, maybe we can help?

I think it's time your DH realised it's not all about what he wants.


fourtothedozen · 07/08/2015 09:51

YANBU. Camping is grim.

I would rather go on holiday every two years and have my comfort.


purpler · 07/08/2015 09:52

I love camping but since dd was bottom we've rented holiday cottages instead... Camping with very small child just doesn't equal as she still cries at night etc I wouldn't be able to relax somewhere where we could disturb others.
As an aside...for the wee-ing...I've always just Popped behind the tent a bit and peed on the grass. Its usually raining anyway


Travelledtheworld · 07/08/2015 09:53

I sympathise. We always do some sort of self catering holiday and I get no break from the packing, cooking, tidying up and organising everything.
Camping is very hard work and even worse if you have health problems.
I think you have done your time and deserve a change now.

You need to sit down
And explain all this to your DH.

Can you do a house swap ? Rent a caravan/ mobile home rather than a tent?
Look for a cottage well in advance via the Internet ? Avoid seaside cottages and go somewhere unfashionable like Lincolnshire ?
Go away for a long weekend rather than a week ?
Or even stay at home and let the family go without you !

Hopefully you have a bit of time to plan and save up some extra money.

Good luck.


gymboywalton · 07/08/2015 09:53

we have a bucket with a laid for nighttime weesBlush


Charley50 · 07/08/2015 09:53

Grin midnite.
I know money is an issue OP, but how about camping in France, it's warmer and campsites have pools. Or save up and book flights well in advance to somewhere hot but cheaper than uk and book an apartment with air bnb. Can be much cheaper than a villa or uk cottage.

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