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To think this isn't a joint party?

106 replies

TheOnlyReality · 06/08/2015 17:22

Dh is a twin and they are having a big birthday on Saturday. SIL asked ages ago if I would host a party and she would split the cost with us. I was happy to as we do usually have a summer BBQ and I usually love hosting.

The party is this weekend and at least 40 people are coming with an even split of our guests and theirs. I've just done the food and booze shop and despite buying bog standard burgers and sausages, with six bottles of wine and a bottle of Pimms it has come to £165.

SIL had told me she's bought three bottles of wine and some gin, ten burger rolls and is making a pasta salad so she'd like to give me £20 towards the food.

I haven't told her how much I've spent and dh won't let me, his argument is we usually do a party and it's too much hassle to claw it back from them.

I'm currently severely depressed (signed off work for the past six months) and I'm on a lot of medication so I'm not trusting any of my reactions at the moment. But I'm fucking fuming. I feel like we've been scammed, the party is twice the size it would have been if it was just us and any fule would no that forty guests would be pricey to cater for. I feel a bit humiliated by the twenty quid offer and want to invoice them.


OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 06/08/2015 18:35

£50 is still a slap in the face though. Sorry.

Waves go realitys sil.

steppedonlego · 06/08/2015 18:38

Glad you're happy with it op, but that's still leaving you with double what she's paying for the privilege of hosting a party for her at your own house.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/08/2015 18:38

"£50 is grand thanks for your contribution. Can you get more buns tho as 10 wont go far between 40 xx"

The5DayChicken · 06/08/2015 18:41

Yep, knowing it's cost 160 ish and still only offering 50 is a right kick in the teeth. I was all for the benefit of the doubt before but you're now paying 110, hosting and doing the clearing up when it was supposed to be 50:50, and she can't exactly claim ignorance.

honeylulu · 06/08/2015 18:41

Make sure you get to keep any leftover booze brought by guests (even her guests). Host's perk!

Glitteryarse · 06/08/2015 18:42

Yes to think!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/08/2015 18:45

£50 is better than £20 , you're happy with that so all's good. Smile

Enjoy the party.

elbowsdontsing2 · 06/08/2015 18:46

you give her half towards what she brought, and she gives you half towards what you brought clears up any confusion

AngieBolen · 06/08/2015 18:53

I think in future if you ever decide to go halves you should sit down and set a budget plan what you are both going to buy.

What if she'd bought the same as you are there were far too many paper plates?

I'm glad you spoke up and it's worked out.

RunnerHasbeen · 06/08/2015 18:54

I think, as the hosts, you are going to be left with loads of wine that people have brought and enough food to feed you for the week. If you are short of anything on the day, it also makes sense for her to pop out for it, not the person whose house it is. £50 is fair, have a nice party.

Totality22 · 06/08/2015 18:55

So not only are you hosting (so preparing everything and no doubt cleaning up) you are also paying the lions share for the food?

Doesn't sound at all fair to me but sadly I think you should be looking at your DH here as he is enabling his sister to take the piss.

I'd be inclined to ring her and tell her that your roof has blown off so there is a change of plan and she is hosting. Tell her you'll bring some hotdog buns and a few bottles of half drunk wine- she how she likes it!!!

Aramynta · 06/08/2015 18:55

I'm going to go a little against the grain here, but bare with me.

As someone who had once never hosted a party, I am inclined to think that your SIL isn't being deliberately cheeky with her offerings.

I don't know what I used to think, but there was a time where I would have contributed something similar to the offerings of your SIL and thought it would cover it. Crazy I know, but I had zero concept of these things and it wasn't until I had hosted a couple that I realised how much we would actually need.

Cut her some slack and hope that she responds kindly to your text OP.


scribblegirl · 06/08/2015 18:56

I am childish so would be tempted to stick up loads of banners saying 'happy birthday DH!!'.

With no mention of Her DH Wink

Aramynta · 06/08/2015 18:56

*Bear. Please don't bare.

Ooohhh and I missed £50 update Blush sorry.

Totality22 · 06/08/2015 18:57

£50 is still incredibly cheap if you are hosting.

My brother and SIL host most of our family do's and between us we pay for all the food and booze!

Totality22 · 06/08/2015 18:57

between the rest* of us I meant of course!

ladygracie · 06/08/2015 19:03

Aramynta - would you have thought that 10 burgers buns was enough for 40 people though? Surely you would have at least bought one bun per person? I understand not quite being able to work out what to buy but seriously, she was being ridiculous.
Well done OP, (agree that £50 is nowhere near enough) just remember this if she ever suggests a joint party again though!

paulapompom · 06/08/2015 19:08

Well done for texting, and at least she is now making a proper contribution. As the hosts, yes you have the cleanup and hassle, but as pp has said you get anything left behind, I wish you lots of Winex

Andrew - you shouldn't be trying to attend those sorts of parties! Cake for any possible munchies Grin

CrispyCrispBag · 06/08/2015 19:11

Yikes, 9 bottles of wine, 10 burger rolls and a pasta salad (plus burgers and sausages) for 40 people? Your friends are obviously a lot more restrained than ours. I believe the "traditional" recommendation is to count half a bottle of wine per guest, so you'd need to make sure there were 20 bottles of wine. And what about beer? Most BBQ parties I've been to there's been an ice-filled container of beer (for my DH's 40th we poured ice into the baby bath that I'd just bought 2nd hand as I was 30+ weeks pg with our first). For 40 guests I'd normally plan 20 bottles of wine and 40 cans/bottles of beers, although admittedly there would normally be some of both leftover. Seriously, your SIL needs to step up and a) provide more food since you've bought all the meat and b) buy more drinks, either beer or wine, and what about soft drinks?

With regards to food, she (or both of you) could get friends to help, but since you're providing all the meat, she should at the very least organise a green/mixed salad and a potato salad, and/or cucumber/carrot/celery sticks plus hoummus (plus a pasta salad if she insists, but you need some actual veggies with the meal too so this is less essential). And with 40 guests you probably need more than one bowl of each of these so it's best to get several friends involved. Oh and there's pudding too - for 40 guests I'd get at least 3 different people to make puddings.

And since she's only mentioned bringing 3 bottles of wine, which covers about 6 guests if you're lucky, you could definitely ask her to organise some beer as well - unless of course none of your guests are likely to want beer (!?!). You also need to think about soft drinks - coke/diet coke etc.

I'd be very impressed if you managed to organise a party with 40 guests for less than £1000 total - unless of course you're happy for your guests to leave hungry and thirsty. So for SIL to contribute just £20 plus 3 bottles of wine is really taking the piss. As I see it, your choice is to confront her or for your guests to be seriously disappointed in the party.

CrispyCrispBag · 06/08/2015 19:17

Oops, sorry, my phone hadn't updated so massive x-post!

OP, if you know your guests will bring drinks and food so that what you've bought will be enough, then her new offer of £50 may be reasonable. I hope you all have a lovely evening.

Carmenandgetit · 06/08/2015 19:17

crispy. £1000 for a party of 40 - what would you be serving Caviar. Also OP has said it is bring a bottle

UrethraFranklin1 · 06/08/2015 19:33

Bollocks she doesn't realise. A small child can tell you that if you've invited 20+ guests (her half) TEN burger rolls and a pasta salad isn't going to feed them.

PumpkinsMummy · 06/08/2015 19:58

Just reply "Ok £75 will feed approx xx people, so does that tally with your numbers? Shall we say you get here at xx o'clock to help set up, and it normally takes x hours to clean up so we should be done at x time."

It leaves her in no doubt at all that she is to contribute fully financially and in effort to her invited guests. You have to be brave or it will bother you for years to come

The5DayChicken · 06/08/2015 19:59

1000 for a party of 40?! How?!

Littlef00t · 06/08/2015 20:00

Ooh yes be big about the prep and tidying if not the money. And don't do it again!

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