To think this isn't a joint party?

[TheOnlyReality]

Dh is a twin and they are having a big birthday on Saturday. SIL asked ages ago if I would host a party and she would split the cost with us. I was happy to as we do usually have a summer BBQ and I usually love hosting.

The party is this weekend and at least 40 people are coming with an even split of our guests and theirs. I've just done the food and booze shop and despite buying bog standard burgers and sausages, with six bottles of wine and a bottle of Pimms it has come to £165.

SIL had told me she's bought three bottles of wine and some gin, ten burger rolls and is making a pasta salad so she'd like to give me £20 towards the food.

I haven't told her how much I've spent and dh won't let me, his argument is we usually do a party and it's too much hassle to claw it back from them.

I'm currently severely depressed (signed off work for the past six months) and I'm on a lot of medication so I'm not trusting any of my reactions at the moment. But I'm fucking fuming. I feel like we've been scammed, the party is twice the size it would have been if it was just us and any fule would no that forty guests would be pricey to cater for. I feel a bit humiliated by the twenty quid offer and want to invoice them.

Aibu?

[LaurieFairyCake]

I have to say I don't think thats nearly enough food/drink for 40 people

I would expect to spend about £8-10 a head and I'm not a fancy buyer

Are you sure you've enough ?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

x post! they do need to split it, maybe not to the £ but at least a hefty contribution.

[TheOnlyReality]

We've asked on the invite to bring a bottle and I know from past years that a few of our friends will also bring a pack of meat or a pud or a salad (as well as those who come empty handed and drink everything...) So I think what I've bought will be ok, and there's always a shop if we run out.

[BackforGood]

Perfectly reasonable to let her know what you've spent. If she's not used to hosting, perhaps it just hasn't occurred to her.
You've done that now, so up to her to decide how to respond, and up to your dh to decide if he wants to chase if she doesn't offer.

Laurie - if people are invited to a party / BBQ at someone's house then they will all bring a bottle / other drinks, presumably, so OP won't be providing drinks for 40, just the food.

[ToTheGups]

Well done for sending the text. Hope she comes back with a sensible contribution.

[honeylulu]

Think it would be perfectly ok to send another text saying "ok, done the sums, your half is £78 but please deduct what you've already spent from that, say £25 - ish, and call it £50. Deal? " She is damned cheeky if she quibbles over that esp if she still wants you to host (and presumably clear up! )

[Lordofmyflies]

She's being v unreasonable. Of course you should go halves.
Failing that, when guests arrive, issue your guests with a red wristband and hers with a green. Red guests eat and drink from your table of food and drink, green from hers! Should get the point across!

[TheFutureMrsB]

She needs to realise that £20 just won't cover it! Your not a wimp either

[rollonthesummer]

She's bought 3 bottle of wine and 10 burger buns! 10?!

She's taking the piss totally. Has she replied to your text?

[bloodyteenagers]

Even if she has never hosted a party before she should realize that what she has offered is not enough.
The food is nothing. The booze will be gone in 10 minutes and then what about mixer?
Surely she has at some point in her adult life walked into a supermarket and seen food isn't cheap.

[LeafyLafae]

I want to know where she shops if she can get enough food for 20 people for £20..!!

Ask her, say you wanted to check quantities and want to know where she can shop so cheaply.

Or tell her to keep the £20, but you need (a million things), cheese, salad, tomatoes, gherkins, ketchup, BBQ sauce, disposable bbqs, veggie sausages, salad cream, ice, ice cream, disposable plates, glasses, cutlery, napkins, trifle, hot sauce, relish, fizzy grape juice alcohol free alternatives, gluten free buns, dairy free desserts - if she thinks you can get so much for so cheap, let's see her try!!

[Mouthfulofquiz]

She is being massively cheeky. Has she text you back?
£20!! What a joke.

[Bubblesinthesummer]

The thing is, if you haven't told her how much it has come to she won't know she is being unreasonable.

She isn't a mind reader. Tell her how much it has come to.

[TheOnlyReality]

Radio silence so far...

[yomellamoHelly]

I'd be tempted to put out just £20 worth of the stuff I'd got. That's totally ridiculous.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Has she never fed people before?! Never had any friends over for dinner/bbq?! Just so strange! I really don't understand what she thinks she is going to do with 10 buns for 40 people

[Floggingmolly]

Tbh, if I was having a joint party and the other half (as it were) was providing the venue; I'd be offering far more than half to balance things out.
She gets none of the preparation / clearing up to worry about.
Just swans in with her 10 burger buns...

[pretend]

How much does her family usually eat? Would they buy one burger bun to share if they had a BBQ?

Does she have an eating disorder?!

[TiredButFine]

Just ensure that at the party, she isn't one of the ten people who gets a burger in a bun

[rollonthesummer]

Does she have children? Is she used to feeding other members of the human race?!

I'm beginning to think she's a total freeloader who wanted this party at your house because she knows it will save her £165...

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Does she realise 40 people will be coming? That is bonkers that she thinks £20, ten buns and three bottles of wine will go around 40 (or even ten!).

Hopefully she realises. If she uhmms and ahhhs tell her to fill a basket online with ASDA with enough food and drinks for 40 people and see what the total is.

[GoooRooo]

Well done for texting her OP. Hopefully she'll realise what she's offered is woefully short and be embarrassed about it.

[CSIJanner]

Give her the £50 option text. also tell her to step up and buy more booze

[TheOnlyReality]

She's come back and upped it to £50. Sorry if that's a bit of an anticlimax, but I'm happy with that. I wouldn't have asked without this thread though so thankyou.

[GoooRooo]

for you being brave and asking OP when it obviously made you uncomfortable. It was the right thing to do.