To not like other children commenting on the size of ds's penis

[BocaDeTrucha]

We're on holiday at the moment and ds is a chubby little 22 months old so most of the time naked. In the last 2 days I've had the following comments: "why is his willy so small?" from a little girl, about 4 years old. And today, the little boy in the bungalow next to ours who has spent 3 days playing with ds, asked " is 'Bob' a boy or a girl?" and when I replied he was a boy, the little boy said "so why doesn't he have a willy?".

Gee, it's not that small!! I got a bit peeved but dh just told me to stop being ridiculous. Am I being ridiculous?

it's not at all the same as disrespecting adults who ask you to be quiet /sit still / listen. Insisting on having a bare bum in class? No, of course not, as long as you sit quietly on the carpet; doing so half naked is just fine
If you hadn't mentioned homeschooling, Mavis, I would have strongly advised you to consider it.

It's not different in that I don't think he'll be doing it at 5. Kids want to learn what's 'done' and to go along with it mostly, I don't think I need to force him now in order for him to grow out of it, and I think forcing him could have unintended negative consequences, that's all I'm saying.

I'm not offended by naked toddlers but I certainly wouldn't have my one year old running around naked around strangers. It just doesn't sit right with me.

No! I'm saying he wouldn't want a bare bum at 5, not that a teacher should have to put up with it. There isn't a situation where it would happen with an NT kid, is there? It seems absurd. I was saying that bodily autonomy of the kids in their class isn't something teachers threaten/affect.

But what if he decided at 10 to refuse to wear bottoms? What would you do then?

But Mavis, if you don't teach him what is and what isn't considered socially acceptable, how can he learn?

At ten?! I don't think that will happen. But anyway I don't think forcing a 2yo to wear pants would decrease the already small chances of that happening 8 years later.

If he does, I'll talk to him, including about the uk's decency laws, which a ten yo could fall foul of. Not so a 2yo.

Pink truffle they learn from example (I always cover my bottom!) and naturally want to fit in. We are primates, all young primates imitate the older ones. We don't need to actively 'teach' this stuff.

Are you prepared to teach him anything, or do you expect him to lick it off the ground absorb everything by osmosis? Some might call that a cop out.

And I did say up thread that if he hadn't already outgrown this then by 3-4 I'd expect him to understand it's not always appropriate.

But what if he insisted? Would you still be respecting his bodily autonomy then?

When you 'teach' a child that you will physically force them to put a nappy on when they are saying No, you teach them that it isn't culturally acceptable to be naked, but you also teach them that a stronger person can and should overpower a weaker one. That's not something I want to teach my child.

You say it's a cop out but kids learn to walk and talk without us teaching them how: we demonstrate movement and communication and encourage them but we trust they'll get there in their own time. The same is true for other skills, if you let it be.

What would you do, Woonerism? If your 10/15/21yo wanted a bare arse? At some point they get too old/big to force. It's highly unlikely to happen, even if your kids have a leftover need to do it because you didn't let them at 1! ;-)

What about brushing his teeth? If DS didn't want to, would you force him?

It isn't a case of strong or weak, it's parent and child.

You've yet to answer my question.

I wouldn't allow my 10 yo DD to wear no trousers. Horrible, boundary setting parent that I am.

It is a case of strong/weak. We don't mean it to be but it is. We try to teach one thing but we are not God/the weather, happening out of nowhere: we are their trusted parent, basically assaulting them if you're tailing forced toothbrushing as in pin them down and force a brush in their mouth.
Better a phase of missed brushing IMO, though I'd do lots to encourage the phase to pass. Novelty brushes and that aqua fresh app have helped us.

But Mavis, they don't always learn by example.

They don't learn to eat their vegetables by example, go to sleep at a sensible hour by example and wear clothing appropriate to the weather and social occasion by example.

They do sometimes need telling. Believe me I am as far from strict and draconian as can be but I would NEVER allow my child to walk around without bottoms on!

Well, Mavis? Teeth? I've regularly had all of mine in a headlock when they "didn't want to" brush their teeth; it's non negotionable to me.
Probably traumatised the poor darlings for life.

She's answered flogging

Sorry . Had to let the dog out in the middle and forgot to refresh.

What would make you actually put your foot down? You are doing your children no favours

S'ok. Easy to do. I'm almost out of battery and cba to get up and find charger so will disappear soon.

I don't let them run into roads/off precipices and the like.