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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross at dp

41 replies

wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 16:17

Our dd is 2 next weekend, not a weekend for his kids to be here. I asked their mum in March if it was ok for them to come to the party she has refused to discuss or decide. She said a few weeks ago that she would only agree if we had the kids all weekend, I said to dp that I wasn't happy about that as have family here all weekend and he is working all weekend so it's not fair on me to have the extra burden and he agreed. Agreed with his ex but she still refused to confirm if we could have them for the party.

Flash forward to today and the idiot agreed with her that we would swap weekends and have them for the whole of dd's birthday weekend. I am livid because he just never thinks. I am already shattered from work and doing everything while he works nights and facilitating contact to meet his ex's demands and now he ignores me completely and just agreed it

Am about ready to blow my stack

OP posts:
3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 05/08/2015 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penfold007 · 05/08/2015 16:27

I take it he's providing childcare for his children as you are busy

BeautifulBatman · 05/08/2015 16:30

Yanbu. I'd be bloody livid. Tell him to undo the agreement and if his petty ex won't confirm if his dcs can attend the party just take it as a no.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 16:31

YANBU

But you need to make it clear that he's looking after them. If he can't do that, he needs to change the arrangement.

DelphiniumBlue · 05/08/2015 16:32

Ask him who's going to be looking after his children?

Branleuse · 05/08/2015 16:37

yabu i think. swapping weekends would be the most logical way of having them at the party, otherwise it imposes on what his ex can do with her weekend. Having your stepkids a different weekend occasionally is not something you should be blowing your stack over

Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 16:40

Branlause read the thread! I am cross because he has done it when I have expressly said and he isn't actually here to look after them

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 16:42

No he is working so is expecting me to run around sorting the party out, entertain his family, host party and now look after his kids.

He has been told it isn't happening as I refuse to have them when I already have everything to do on my own so we shall see

OP posts:
Happy36 · 05/08/2015 16:47

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He must arrange not to be working so that he can take care of the children while you prepare, run and clear up after the party.

Branleuse · 05/08/2015 16:51

I hear what youre saying. I do sometimes expect my dp to look after ds1 though, even if im not there and its not his actual son, and also I know my exes wife often watches him while my ex is working, and didnt realise this was so unreasonable. I just thought thats what happens in stepfamilies sometimes.
Are they hard work?

LazyLohan · 05/08/2015 16:59

Why do you feel it's important for your own family to be there for DDs party and are happy to make the effort for them but not your step children?

He probably should have communicated with you better but it's not a great attitude to have towards your SC. And I can understand why his ex wouldn't want to spend her weekend with the kids ferrying them about for your convenience.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 17:02

Where did I say it was my family? It is his family I have to look after not mine!

I spend more time with his kids than he does because of his ex but I object to having been consulted and then ignored so he can please his flaming ex

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 05/08/2015 17:07

Yanbu. Whether you should have the kids for the weekend is besides the point. Your DH deciding on your behalf despite you already saying no is not acceptable.

youareallbonkers · 05/08/2015 17:11

I think swapping weekends is the reasonable thing to do. Otherwise she loses a big chunk of her time with them

ilovelamp82 · 05/08/2015 17:15

I'm inclined to agree although obviously we don't know all the OP's circumstances. But regardless the OP's DH doesn't have the right to overide her decision about what she does with her time when he's not even there to look after them.

Charley50 · 05/08/2015 17:21

Maybe think of the positives and ask his relatives to take all the kids out on one of the days so that you can chill get ready for the party.
Then get revenge next weekend by leaving DP to parent and go and get wankered with your mates a nice spa day.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 17:24

The party is 2 hours it won't take away any time away from her as we live close and I would be picking them up and dropping them off.

She regularly expects it on our weekends

OP posts:
LilyMayViolet · 05/08/2015 17:27

Judging by your last post she is behaving very unfairly. What does she say when you put this to her?

diddl · 05/08/2015 17:31

All else aside, his family will have to look after themselves and help out, won't they?

Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 17:38

Lilymay dp refuses to bring this up with her.

I am expected to run around taking them on trips that i said no to because I already had plans for and was accused of being a spiteful child hell bent on deliberately upsetting her kids. She agreed the dates for our family holiday last year and 12 hours before we were due to leave claimed no knowledge and refused to allow them to come. This year I have refused to book anything as it isn't fair to have the kids hopes raised only for their own mother to pull the plug at the last minute. I told her in February that the only week I could get off this summer was next week and conveniently that is also the only week she can have off ao I said we would only be able to have them on dps days off (he works 3 on 3 off and always has) so we would still have them 50:50 but just not a full week.baring in mind she knew this 6 months ago she has flipped her lid last week when she demanded I had the kids as she wanted to get her nails done. I was at work and was apparently a complete bitch who hates the kids because I said I couldn't leave work. There is only me on my job role and I am also covering 2 other people I simply cannot walk out just because she wants to get her flipping nails done!

OP posts:
diddl · 05/08/2015 17:42

"I was at work and was apparently a complete bitch who hates the kids because I said I couldn't leave work."

And what did she say about their father-assuming that she asked him as well!

Looks as if he needs to somehow not be working next weekend, doesn't it?

CerealEater · 05/08/2015 17:44

Swapping seems to be the best way to do it, you can't have them there for the party and then see them as inconvenient after.

If you begrudge them being part of your DHs life, why pick a man who already has children?

sweetkitty · 05/08/2015 17:51

Sorry but I think you are definitely not being unreasonable.

So you want to pick her kids up and drop them off so they can attend their stepsisters party? Ex gets two and a bit hours off and her DC get to go to a party while lets face it a lot of us have most weekends or so it seems.p The

Ok it not your weekend but it's only a few hours not the full day.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 05/08/2015 17:54

At what point have I said I begrudge the kids? And I see the usual trump card has been played.

At no point have I said this is about his kids. This is entirely about his ex holding everyone to ransom and him not having the brains to think or the balls to say no to her.

The kids want to attend their SISTER'S birthday and she is having to nothing except allow them to be picked up and dropped off.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 05/08/2015 17:56

YANBU btw. What a bitch to sabotage her own children's holiday. My ex is a bit like that - begrudged his own son a holiday abroad because part of it was over his weekend. Couldn't he just feel glad that his son was having a decent holiday?! Anyway enough about me.

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