To be cross at dp

[wheresthelight]

Our dd is 2 next weekend, not a weekend for his kids to be here. I asked their mum in March if it was ok for them to come to the party she has refused to discuss or decide. She said a few weeks ago that she would only agree if we had the kids all weekend, I said to dp that I wasn't happy about that as have family here all weekend and he is working all weekend so it's not fair on me to have the extra burden and he agreed. Agreed with his ex but she still refused to confirm if we could have them for the party.

Flash forward to today and the idiot agreed with her that we would swap weekends and have them for the whole of dd's birthday weekend. I am livid because he just never thinks. I am already shattered from work and doing everything while he works nights and facilitating contact to meet his ex's demands and now he ignores me completely and just agreed it

Am about ready to blow my stack

And if he was actually here I wouldn't have an issue with swapping. My point is he has done this after I asked him motto and expects me to look after them when I have plans that heaven forbid do not include them

Charley I don't know. She was calling us every name going because "we" had upset her kids by promising something without her consent (Shame it was on email that she had consented!) she does the same over Christmas every year. I cannot understand it, why use the kids in her silly games? I could understand if I was the ow or dp had left her but she had an affair and kicked him out to move the om in door can't even be called revenge!

That's pretty much the point of the OP cereal, the kids won't be part of DH's life for most of the next weekend because the DH won't actually be there! Contact is for the kids benefit not the adults so how would swapping weekends in this instance good for them?

Diddl she never asked him because she knew he was asleep as he would be working that night.

Dps dad is in his 80's so can't have the kids unfortunately And everyone else is travelling or working so it is me or no one. Plus his ex would flip knowing they weren't with us (she hates me looking after them too)

Cheeky we have to be flexible for things she wants ie their night with their dad in a week is a Wednesday and although he was off last week she cancelled as it was her step daughters birthday, we happily said no worries, few weeks back was a family wedding (her family) and she told dp that she wanted them back at 4 and we had to collect them again at 9am on the Sunday - impassive inconvenience to me but was done happily and yet when the tables are turned we are unreasonable and sabotaging her time with the kids

YANBU. Your DP should not have done this after you said no and he knew you had already made other plans. He will need to either get time off work or rearrange the weekend swap.

I don't get why she couldn't just treat it like any other party invite at the weekend?

If nothing else has been planned then take drop kids off at birthday party for a couple of hours and pick them up afterwards. If she has already has plans then say no thanks (but by the sounds of it you have given plenty of notice).

Someone posted further back 'a large chunk of her weekend with them' - I don't get this? It's a two hour birthday party that she could have said no to. No different that an invite from a school friend or whatever. I don't think my child attending a 2 hour party at the weekend ruins all my plans for the entire weekend (particularly if the invite was given weeks in advance). The ex sounds controlling to me and the DP also sounds really inconsiderate.

I don't think there would be a problem with him saying yes if he was going to be there to help!

Thanks pumpkin! (And everyone who have read and understood )

Had I told her today then I could understand, likewise if it was a full day at a theme park type affair. However I guess the telling part is that she refused to let dp call on dss's birthday last week, refuses to let him ever have dss on his birthday because it always falls on her weekend and if it's on his weekday with dp she cancels.

You are completely right about her being controlling. Even her own mum despairs - we live in a very small village that actually I hate (although I love our house) and have no friends etc around here but we loved here to be near by for the kids and to allow them to have more time with dp at her agreement and then she refuses to allow the existing contact let alone additional - her mum has gone mad at her about using the kids to attach us. Dp had to drop the kids there earlier in the week because after demanding the kids were home at 6pm she then text dp at 610 when he was outside her house to say she had I be out and we needed to keep the kids told the next day even though she knew we couldn't as we were going away. We rescheduled what we could and said ok but she would need to have them back at 7am and she refused and demanded dp rang her mum (ex mil) to arrange for the kids to go there. Ex mil then hit the roof about it and went on a rant about ex and how unreasonable she is!

The date of your DD birthday party has been planned for months. So how come your DP couldnt book that weekend off as soon as it was planned so he wouldnt miss out on his childs birthday/family gathering and be there to help? He should not of accepted the kids for the weekend unless he was there to look after them.

Ijust - he put the request in months ago but unfortunately he is the only person who does his job at night and they have declined it as they cannot get cover and cannot leave it with no one there.

They are allowing him to push his shift back by 3 hours so instead of doing 6-6 he wil do 9-9 so that he can attend the party and still get some sleep

Then his work are bastards. What do they do when he has his official hols?They must have cover then. Still shouldnt have told her you could have his kids though after ageeing with you. Can he ask ex mil to have them after party?

Ijust it's a nightmare! They have reduced the team he works for so there is no one spare to cover so it relies on someone picking up his shifts and no one will as it is a weekend and the summer holidays. We were hoping that Somine in another section of the business would cover but he has just been diagnosed as having cancer having been quite poorly for a few weeks so obviously cannot ask now but also means that dp has to pick up some of his work.

We got to June this year and dp pretty much didn't work because they owed him so many holiday hours and toil!

Just to update those of you with the excellent advice...

Dp finally grew a pair spoke to his ex and because she is getting her own way this weekend she is allowing them to come for the party and stay with her the rest of next weekend. She wasn't overly bothered as it turns out, all the drama was because they want to go to some comicon thing this weekend and want to take the kids but it's so's weekend. Why she couldn't have just said she wanted them is utterly beyond me

Coz that wouldve been too easy!
Glad its sorted for you, enjoy the party.

Ijust - exactly!! I think I find it so hard to keep my cool because I don't believe in playing games. If you want something then ask. Playing games and trying to trade things/use blackmail is simply too exhausting!!

I am glad it's sorted though because it was really worrying me.