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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask wedding experts if I'm invited, if ceremony-only is a thing, and have I RSVPd?

34 replies

TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 15:19

We got a wedding invitation, to Mr and Mrs TRexing. Dh put it on the fridge. Just the invitation - no crap:

  1. Where is the wedding list/poem?
  2. Are the kids invited? They have kids the same age as ours, but I can't assume.
  3. Why no details about the 'do' after the ceremony?
The invitation just says it's at X O'Clock at the town hall. Is it possible we are just invited to the ceremony, and not the do afterwards?

Also, it said RSVP by X date. I sent the below FB message to the bride and groom the day before this. Have I RSVPd? I did say we'd 'love to come', but I don't know what to tbh! My message was seen 4 days ago, but no reply!

My RSVP(?): "Hello, sorry but I think [Mr TRexing] has lost all the important stuff from the wedding invitation - I only have the invitation bit itself, on the fridge. So it's [DAY/TIME] at [PLACE] - we'd love to come, I just need to sort out the practicalities. Are the kids invited too or not? If it's no kids, I might have to join you ASAP after dropping [Mini Trex] from school to whoever can babysit, so I'd miss the ceremony - where is the reception after the ceremony and what time would that start? Sorry to be grilling you about the arrangements!! Also, did you have a wedding list? Can you message me a copy or a link to it please? Thanks xx"

OP posts:
Jewels234 · 05/08/2015 15:23

How annoying! I would say yes you have RSVPd, but to send a proper RSVP card would be nice. No your kids aren't invited. And you're invited to the full thing, or there isn't a reception.

Can you call?

Sparkletastic · 05/08/2015 15:25

Is it from your friend or DH's?

MixedBerrys · 05/08/2015 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nolim · 05/08/2015 15:27

I would assume that kids are not invited and there is no do after the town hall.

yogababymum · 05/08/2015 15:58

Can you put a pic up? Obvs cover the names. I am a Wedding planner i try and decipher.

hibbleddible · 05/08/2015 16:03

It would be very strange to have a ceremony only invite. I would assume the party is at the town ball afterwards in a function room.

If children aren't named on the invite then they probably aren't invited.

I see you have sent a message already, can you ask what time is the expected end so you arrange childcare?

I wouldn't count your message as an RSVP. It is generally polite to respond to a wedding invite by post formally (but OK to email too)

Summerisle1 · 05/08/2015 16:04

Hmmm....having just taken great care when I designed ds2's wedding invitations since there's nothing worse than ambiguity, I would read what you have received as:

  1. Your children are not invited.
  2. You are only invited to the ceremony at the Town Hall.
hibbleddible · 05/08/2015 16:09

Are ceremony only invites a thing now? Confused

TracyBarlow · 05/08/2015 16:25

Have you not asked your husband what he did with the rest of the stuff?

JohnCusacksWife · 05/08/2015 16:31

I'd interpret all this as -

Your kids are not invited;
You haven't replied properly;
The whole do is in the Town Hall.

AskingForAPal · 05/08/2015 16:39

Presumably you know these people? Don't either of you have a phone number or a proper email address for them? Not everyone goes through their FB messages.

MrsFrankRicard · 05/08/2015 16:40

The only thing you should have asked, imo, is whether or not there is a wedding list. Your children are not invited as their names are on the invite. The whole thing inc reception is at the town hall, you would not just be invited to the ceremony. You should rsvp by post unless specified otherwise.

stairbears · 05/08/2015 16:53

Sounds like they are not particularly close friends or are having just a small intimate do following... Would assume ceremony only, no kids from the invite.

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 17:10

Thanks everyone. It's dh's friend. They've been friends 20+ years (since school) and they still socialise - not very often due to young children, but still, they're friends - we do stuff all together sometimes, usually with the kids. Dh was supposed to call him, but kept being crap 'oh I forgot', which is why the day before the deadline I messaged. They have seen it, fb tells you that. They're not really weddingy people, already have a huse and kids, so could be a ceremony only I suppose. It's a weekday afternoon. But surely you'd at least go to the pub afterwards. Well, maybe they are, but we're not invited! Argh, why don't they just say!

OP posts:
AskingForAPal · 05/08/2015 17:16

Just chase it up! What's stopping him?

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 17:20

The attached picture is the invitation. It's a card, and the front is a couple, with "wedding invitation" written down the side.
Inside it has printed on:
...(first name)....and...(first name)..
would like to request the presence of ...(our first names).... at their wedding.
Date....
Place....
Time.....
RSVP...(by date)...
And they have filled in the details ('....') by hand. No details of how or where to RSVP, just a date.

Dh said there wasn't anything else in the envelope.

OP posts:
Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 17:22

Asking the same thing that was stopping him in the first place - nothing, just being crap! He's at work at the moment, I'll ask him again when he gets home.

OP posts:
LilyMayViolet · 05/08/2015 17:24

Is it soon or is there any possibility that other details may follow?

LilyMayViolet · 05/08/2015 17:25

I bet you.'re not the only guests who are a bit flummoxed!

maddy68 · 05/08/2015 17:26

I don't understand the confusion
You are invited to the whole thing, your children are not invited

They may not be having a sit down 'do' but you are invited
You do need to send a proper rsvp

diddl · 05/08/2015 17:27

If it's just your names then the kids aren't invited I wouldn't have thought.

It is usual for the reception location to be put in though!

But if it's that complicated I would have thought that there would have been loads of people asking so maybe there is something missing from yours?

maddy68 · 05/08/2015 17:27

I DO understand the confusion!!!! I meant

achieve6 · 05/08/2015 17:28

if it's just your names, the kids aren't invited

but I would def call and ask about the timings. They can't expect you to be mind readers!

yogababymum · 05/08/2015 17:35

Ok it's a genetic invite so it looks like they've just forgotten to add in the necessary details that don't come as standard. RSVP should have their details & the date... Woops! (Seen it done a few times in invites like this)

However it looks like the kids are not invited & there's no gift list (here we give money instead, if there's no list). As for the rest they will probably have realised their mistake after your msg & are hopefully rectifying.

Original poster
TRexingInAsda · 05/08/2015 21:51

Dh called him. There's limited seating at the town hall so no kids for the ceremony. There's a do afterwards somewhere else which kids are invited/optional for. No idea why that wasn't on the invite. He forgot to ask about the wedding list. You can see why they're friends - both as crap as each other. Thanks for your guesses everyone!

OP posts: