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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you have a gender preference it's best not to tell EVERYONE and announce it on social media?

29 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 04/08/2015 18:34

I have a friend who has a boy and is desperate for a girl. She was horrified to have a boy the first time round but got used to it eventually. She says she will keep having children until she 'gets her girl.'
On fb yesterday she announced it with the usual scan photo and 'baby number 2, it had better be pink this time!'
Then lots of people have said stuff like 'fingers crossed for a girl!' 'You'll have to have it adopted if it's another boy lol' 'second time lucky!'

I suppose I'm sensitive to it as I'm pregnant with a much wanted and long and hard sought second child and I couldn't give a damn what gender it is. I can get that some people have a preference but I just think if it is a boy what will people say when it's born?! Better luck next time? Never mind try again? I'm sure she'll love it whatever when it's here but how horrid to be a disappointment (potentially) before you're even born and got EVERYONE to know.

Aibu?

OP posts:

LokiBear · 04/08/2015 18:47

YANBU. My cousin has two children of the same gender and desperately wants another of the opposite gender. However, she has opted not to find out this time. Her rationale is that she knows she would feel disappointed at the scan, but once the baby is in her arms she will not care less because she will fall in love. Your friend us setting herself up for a fall.

morelikeguidelines · 04/08/2015 18:57

yanbu. how sad for the children who "disappoint".

NoArmaniNoPunani · 04/08/2015 18:59

YANBU. I really can't understand the preference for a certain sex, all children are so different anyway.

GloGirl · 04/08/2015 19:06

Yabu, her page why can't she tell her friends on Facebook like she would tell them in person over coffee?

(FWIW my pregnancies were difficult enough without worrying about that kind of thing but I don't see the problem. At all.)

Scarydinosaurs · 04/08/2015 19:11

It makes me sad because it's all there, permanently. One day, will our children trawl through our facebook pages and read all this shit??

Never write down anything you wouldn't want read out in court.

DevonLass70 · 04/08/2015 19:13

I grew up with a mother who told me she preferred boys to girls. I was first born (and only) girl, she had a few years wait to get her boy!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/08/2015 19:15

YANBU, I find it sad it's announced so publicly.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/08/2015 19:23

She was horrified to have a boy!
Ungrateful nasty entitled bitch. She doesn't deserve to have that beautiful boy.
It had better be a pink this time.
Then why did she go in for a baby in the first instance,
I do get gender preference. And not being able to help how you feel
Her Being disheartened is one thing. Being horrified is entirely another.
I think she needs to get a grip and fast.

GloGirl · 04/08/2015 19:27

Yes yes, in a court room it would sound so terrible. The prosecuting barrister stands up and says:

'And in August 2015, right after her post saying "I really need a coffee!"

She wrote "I hope it's a girl this time!" '

The Judge is seen having to bang his gavel and tells the gasping and fainting members of the courtroom to calm down.

FlowersAndShit · 04/08/2015 19:27

Why is it ALWAYS because they want a girl and have a boy? It's like these women see girls as dolls to dress up in pink glittery crap and do their hair and be mini-me's. She doesn't deserve to be a mother.

ollieplimsoles · 04/08/2015 19:27

Shit what a horribly tacky thing to do. And no there is nothing wrong with saying that sort of ridiculous crap to friends over a coffee, but she's put it on the internet so of course other people are going to see it...

What will she do if its a boy again? Thats what id like to know, everyone will know she wanted a girl more

MrsHathaway · 04/08/2015 19:29

I had strong gender preference. It was a facet of severe antenatal anxiety.

I would never have discussed it with anyone. And fortunately I got what I wanted.

There's a lot of vulgarity on FB. I think this is just yet another example.

ollieplimsoles · 04/08/2015 19:32

And its not always just girls flowers, (although I certainly know what you mean) plenty of women would prefer a boy. A friend of mine really wanted boys because she 'doesn't get on with girls'

My dhs cousin had a very difficult pregnancy, it took her a year to fall pregnant, she had a tough birth with lots of complications, she had a little boy and after all that she said to me at a party recently with her dp 'we wanted a girl really didn't we?' Riiiiight...

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/08/2015 19:33

Glo. She didn't say. "I "hope"it's a girl this time".
She said or rather wrote it had "better"be a girl this time..

Marylou2 · 04/08/2015 19:34

I think the desire of many women to have girls is a reflection of just how far we've come as a society in the past 50 years. We can see that women can have amazing lives and achieve as much if not more than men. The desire for daughters seems such a recent and very positive thing but is decried by many on MN as a wish to go on a barbie pink spending spree. I prefer this situation to the covert termination of female foetuses in less developed countries and unfortunately in some cultures within the UK.

yorkshapudding · 04/08/2015 19:35

YANBU. When my SIL announced her pregnancy on FB she put "it had better be a girl". A mutual friend of ours was struggling following a loss at the time and another member of the family had been TTC for about three years so I thought it was hugely insensitive.

pixiestixie84 · 04/08/2015 19:39

People are very odd. Of all the recent pregnancies I have been aware of (quite a few), none of them have said they want a boy- they either say they don't mind or want a girl. This is both men and women (mostly women though!). I'm expecting a boy and already feel very defensive about it! Personally I think if you publicise your preference and you don't get 'what you want' it will make your personal disappointment worse.

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 04/08/2015 19:39

'Second time lucky' annoyed me the most (although to be fair it wasn't friend who wrote this) - as though she was unlucky having a healthy boy the first time. How can that be unlucky?!

OP posts:

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 04/08/2015 19:41

As a mother of two beautiful boys this sort of thing pisses me off.

HelsBels3000 · 04/08/2015 19:41

it had better be pink this time or what?!

DrSeuss · 04/08/2015 19:43

Also, if you tell that many people, it will eventually get back to the child. In ten or fifteen years, does she want someone to tell her possible son?

ollieplimsoles · 04/08/2015 19:47

abouttime I bet it does, I would be highly delighted to have two healthy little boys, having a set of brothers would make me laugh no end as well :D.

I just couldn't believe I was lucky enough to have a good scan at 12 weeks and there was a healthy baby in there. My sister lost her first pregnancy at 9 weeks and my cousin lost hers at 11. So I honestly just felt so lucky my baby was safe and sound.

How could you announce a pregnancy with a scan pic and put that sort of spin on it?!

ShadowStar · 04/08/2015 20:11

YANBU.

I understand that people may have a gender preference for all sorts of reasons, but publicising it like that doesn't sit well with me. Mainly because you've only got a 50% chance of getting the gender you'd prefer, and if the baby's the "wrong" sex, what then? Everyone's going to know it's not what you wanted, and if when the child finds out mummy really, really wanted the other gender, surely that's only going to upset the child? Even if mum does fall in love with the baby as soon as she holds it in her arms, all that's going to be on FB for the child to see if they ever go looking.

MamaLazarou · 04/08/2015 20:41

How awful. I am absolutely desperate for a baby, I'll take her wee boy off her hands.

Beth2511 · 04/08/2015 20:48

See we are TTC number two and I see boys and girls having diff pros and cons. Girl would be easier for bedrooms but boy would give one of each. Swings and roundabouts!

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