Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No thank you for baby gift

104 replies

Jellylorum · 04/08/2015 17:11

I knitted a small blanket for an old school friend's second baby, nothing fancy but took a fair amount of time. The friend has moved across the country so I rarely see her but do stay in touch by text and phone. All she's done to thank me is send a brief text; this was six months ago. AIBU to expect more or should I just accept she's been busy and forget about being upset?

OP posts:
Flashbangandgone · 04/08/2015 23:55

With regard to thank you cards/messages etc., although I can understand it's different in the Ops case due to the particular time and effort spent on the gift, but once an average new baby gift or kid's birthday present has been given, I generally move on and don't lose a moment's thought over when and how, and even if, a thank you has been communicated - life's too busy - I certainly don't keep tabs thinking 'where's little Johnny's thank you note for the Lego City car I got for his 5th birthday'.

Flashbangandgone · 04/08/2015 23:59

On second thoughts, I've had a change of heart on what I said much earlier on this thread, where someone's obviously made a particular effort, as the OP did in this case, it's only polite to make more of an effort when thanking (such as a card). For your average £5 babygro present from Asda, a text should suffice in this day and age.

LilyMayViolet · 05/08/2015 00:03

I started a thread the other day about people not saying thank you in any way whatsoever for gifts I've sent them. I thought I was being a bit pedantic but now that I read your thread I realise I'm not! For me people can say thank you in any way at all, text, fbook, email, in person, as long as they say thanks. I think you need to be especially understanding if the person has had a baby.

Bakeoffcake · 05/08/2015 00:13

I'm quite hot on thank you cards, I made my DC do them after every birthday and Christmas and I do them myself.

It annoys me greatly when I receive no acknowledgment of a gift but I really wouldn't expect a thank you card after receiving a text.

cardibach · 05/08/2015 10:59

OP I don't actually find cards 'nicer' to receive - I don't display them so it makes no difference to me. Psycobabble - why is a text 'impersonal'? Confused I normally make a personal comment in my personal text to a personal friend...On the other hand, when I used to write e.g. Christmas cards, I just wrote 'love from cardi and minicardi' in all of them. Really impersonal, which is one of the reasons I stopped doing it.

whois · 05/08/2015 13:03

Omg she DID say thank you! No one expects actual thank you cards now do they??

BumWad · 05/08/2015 13:06

I have a 10 week old and let me tell you it was a right old effort writing thank you cards for people.

YABU.

WoahBodyforrrrm · 05/08/2015 13:09

After my first text book baby was born, I hand made, yes, hand made thank you cards while he slept peacefully beside me. Then I had my other three hellish babies, colicy, refluxy, unsettled, sleep hating, sicky babies. Thank you cards were not on my radar. Everyone would have got a thank you text or email at some point. I consider that more then enough, so yes you are being very unreasonable to be honest.

I can't understand why a thank you, however it's said, isn't enough!

HazleNutt · 05/08/2015 13:14

what minipie said - so people want to make their friends' lives harder, as you don't feel appreciated enough, if friends say thanks the easy way? (I never send card and don't like receiving them much either, waste of time, money and trees)

Skiptonlass · 05/08/2015 13:23

My nearest postbox is about four miles away. I don't have a car.

So all thank you stuff is done by phone, text or email.

LeafyLafae · 05/08/2015 14:07

When you give a gift, you've gotta do it for the joy of the giving. Sounds like you're a bit like me, hold sentimentality in cards and appreciate them acknowledging extra time and effort for something personalised & crafted, whereas I know many of the people I give to, simply don't.
I still make, I still give even if SIL can't be arsed to ever say thank you, it's DN who benefits from the gifts
you'll have to accept your friends 30 second text as a thank you, rather than a card - yes, it might be a bit annoying but she's got her hands full and perhaps she would have been meaning to say thank you in person when she saw you next. Have you seen her?

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/08/2015 15:33

Personally I wouldn't mind a text saying thanks. But if someone had gone to the time and effort of making a beautiful blanket id at least send a card with perhaps a little pic of my baby snuggled up in it. i love handmade gifts. It shows I mean something to that person.

reallywittyname · 05/08/2015 16:02

Oh God, I thought this thread was about me until I read the six months ago bit! I'm doing them, honest! In between cluster feeding, laundry, entertaining the toddler, getting ready for the next lot of visitors... And our printer ran out of ink...And I try to make each one individual to the giver which takes more mental effort than I expected after a day of singing The Wheels On The Bus non-stop and a night of feeding...

I love the blanket btw Grin

Sazzle41 · 05/08/2015 23:43

A thank you is a thank you whether by gift, text, over phone, face to face or a card. It doesnt have to be a card. She has a new baby and all the chaos that entails. You sound a bit needy and preciousl

molyholy · 05/08/2015 23:54

Cards are a pita. What do do you with them afterwards? If they are not recycled, they are kept in a box forever and a day. I am sat here looking at my bday cards thinking I will put them in my dd's arts and crafts box, but in reality, they will end up in the recycle bin. A whatsapp message or text is just as good in my book.

sandgrown · 06/08/2015 00:07

I bought gifts for my daughter's friends' babies . They both sent me lovely thank you cards with pictures of their babies. The cards were sent via Moonpig so not too hard to sort out and much appreciated .

nutmegandginger · 06/08/2015 00:08

Am remembering the hours and hours spent cluster-feeding a small baby in the first couple of months and then the burping, bouncing, changing, etc. A good day was when I managed to eat something before 3pm. Sending an email or text thank you could be done one-handed while feeding the baby. Hand-writing thank you cards was not a realistic option. Leaving the house to go to the postbox was a major expedition. I did try to write nice fulsome and personal texts/emails and to send photos of baby with gift where appropriate but I would have been pretty pissed off if someone had said a card was required or it didn't count as suitably appreciative. Also bear in mind people may get a lot of gifts, and if each one needs a handwritten response, that's a lot of work.

I do a lot of knitting, sewing etc, so I get how much effort goes into making things, but I would actually be a bit embarrassed if I gave a friend with a new baby a present and they felt they had to send me a card in return - like my gift had created a burden for them at the worst possible time.

Jengnr · 06/08/2015 03:47

If we get a lot of gifts in one go (like son's birthday) I usually send texts as we go along to make sure the right person gets the thank you for the right present. Surely the important thing is the thank you, nothing else?

Petridish · 06/08/2015 03:55

She should have sent a note.

Yes, she was probably exhausted etc but it only takes a few minutes to write a note.

Texting is v v lazy.

BitOfFun · 06/08/2015 04:12

It depends what the text said, really. If it was "Cheers hun, lol xxx", I'd feel hard done by, but if it was closer to "Thank you so much for the beautiful blanket- we really appreciate it and will treasure it always", then I'd be suitably mollified.

It was a lovely thing you did, but I think you just have to trust that your friend values the effort you made, without waiting for a singing telegram.

UngratefulMoo · 06/08/2015 06:26

After DD's first Christmas when she was three months old, I bought thank you cards, I wrote a meticulous list of who gave her what, and in my sleep deprived haze I never sent them. I was determined to do it for her second christmas, but DH opened her presents with her while I was out of the room and now I've no idea who gave her what. I feel terrible...

GraysAnalogy · 06/08/2015 10:42

She should have sent a note

yes but you're not getting it, times change and people just don't send notes anymore. It's not the done thing. People don't send letters instead of emails when they're used to doing the latter. It may seem rude to a different generation but it's not, it's just another form of communication albeit one you can't stick on your mantle piece.

GraysAnalogy · 06/08/2015 10:45

I don't like the sentence 'all she's done to thank me is send me a text'. So contrary to the thread title she has thanked you, just you expect a higher level of thank you.

We don't give to receive so why a thankyou either verbalised or in a message isn't good enough I don't know.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 06/08/2015 11:50

Your thread title is wrong as you did get a thank you, just not a card.

I don't send thank you cards. I always ring and thank the gift giver. I think that means more. What do you do when you receive a card? Do you keep it forever? Or throw it away? It just seems like a waste to me.

There's manners, and then particular etiquette. Your friend didn't follow your brand of etiquette, but had manners, and now you're annoyed.

passmethewineplease · 06/08/2015 11:57

What is the obsession with thank you cards?

As long as they say thank you I'm happy. Doesn't matter if it's verbally, electronically or written.