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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No thank you for baby gift

104 replies

Jellylorum · 04/08/2015 17:11

I knitted a small blanket for an old school friend's second baby, nothing fancy but took a fair amount of time. The friend has moved across the country so I rarely see her but do stay in touch by text and phone. All she's done to thank me is send a brief text; this was six months ago. AIBU to expect more or should I just accept she's been busy and forget about being upset?

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 04/08/2015 17:40

Have you got a photo of the blanket btw I'd love to see it?

UnderTheFloorboards · 04/08/2015 17:40

YABVU. 2 very young ones is mentally and physically tough, as are all the people that want a piece of you when you have a small baby. I bet she's really touched and grateful for your thought and effort. Why wouldn't it be enough for you to know the blanket was appreciated and used? Usually in life we can give of ourselves but sometimes we need to be supported and we end up taking more. This is one of her 'take' times. A good friend would understand that. Have you asked her how you can help her out?

sebsmummy1 · 04/08/2015 17:41

I am the Thank You card writing fraternity and you would definitely have received a card from me, probably with a photo included too of baby and blanket. I think because you handmade the present you are probably feeling a little more sensitive about whether it was gratefully received. I can understand that. Next time maybe just said a generic token and then a text thank you won't jar so much.

GraysAnalogy · 04/08/2015 17:42

Despite me thinking that a text is enough, I don't for one minute believe anyone is too busy to send a thank you card.

Epilepsyhelp · 04/08/2015 17:42

I don't agree that a text is as much of a thank you as a card actually. A text takes two seconds, a card at least shows a bit more thought and effort. For a hand knitted blanket I would do more than just send a text, but I wouldn't worry about it now OP she's definitely not going to send anything this long later.

bloodyteenagers · 04/08/2015 17:44

I don't Send cards full stop. Regardless of the occasion.
I say/text/email/any other online way thank you, happy birthday or whatever other reason hallmark decided to make a card for.

HelsBels3000 · 04/08/2015 17:47

My Mum was hounding me for a thank you card for one of her friends after birth of my 3rd baby. Said gifter had been to see her and asked pointedly 'did Hels like the present I sent for baby-Hels?'
I had other things on my mind Angry having just had a c-section a week earlier.

cosmicglittergirl · 04/08/2015 17:52

I don't agree that a text is as much of a thank you as a card actually. A text takes two seconds, a card at least shows a bit more thought and effort. For a hand knitted blanket I would do more than just send a text, but I wouldn't worry about it now OP she's definitely not going to send anything this long later.

This ^^
I don't think YABU, I can imagine how disappointing it would be to not have your effort recognised adequately. I don't think a text is the same as a card personally, but as PP said, I doubt you'll get one now.

dexter73 · 04/08/2015 17:55

It is what is written that is important to me, not if it is written on paper on on a text.

ArendelleQueen · 04/08/2015 18:00

YABU. She thanked you. Welcome to 2015 when there is more than one way to say 'thank you'.

tiktok · 04/08/2015 18:01

I think for hand-knitted and other hand-made gifts a text is not really enough, but people don't always understand the work that's gone into crafting them. After a few experiences, I no longer make anyone anything unless I am sure they actually do want it and will enjoy using it/wearing it - then I am more than happy to make them something just for them.

You did at least get some thanks, OP - which is more than some people bother with (thinking of my otherwise lovely BIL and SIL and their kids, for whom writing a card or even a text to say thank you seems too difficult!).

cardibach · 04/08/2015 18:01

I don't think writing cards is having 'high standards' OP. I think it has having different ones. There is nothing inherently superior about card thanks, in fact they are a bit outdated. They used to be the only way when nobody had land lines, now there are lots of alternatives, all valid. Cards aren't very environmentally friendly either, with petrol to go and buy one, chemicals used in the making (I assume the paper would be from sustainable forests, so won't count that) and petrol to go post, then petrol to collect from post box and deliver to the recipient. This isn't really the reason I don't send them

cardibach · 04/08/2015 18:02

tiktok you seem to be equating method of giving thanks with level of appreciation. I don't think it follows.

skinoncustard · 04/08/2015 18:07

Unfortunately, a lot of people think handmade items are a "cheap" option . They have no idea how much work/love and money goes into them,or care for that matter.
It costs approx £8-£10 to knit a cardigan in size 0-3 months plus my time. You can buy one in Tesco, Asda, Matalan for around £4 . I know which one is more appreciated by most people !

Original poster
Jellylorum · 04/08/2015 18:20

Don't worry, I'm not still checking the post! I have two under 3s so I know what it's like. I think as people have said it's the fact it's hard work making something from scratch and for whatever reason I just don't feel a text is quite an appropriate acknowledgement. If it was a bought thing I doubt if mind tbh.

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 04/08/2015 18:23

I'm a stickler for thankyous but I think in this case you need to unbend a bit about the form. Her baby might be a velcro hellbeast with the world's worst colic, or anything could be going on. Let it slide and don't brood over it.

starlight2007 · 04/08/2015 18:30

Appreciation doesn't have to be a card.. I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks ago and gave a gift I got a thankyou with a pic of all her gifts on FB.. not expecting anything more.

I also found out the other day something I gave my friend when her DD was born sent her into floods of tears , ( in a hormonal emotional way not because she hated it) I knew it would be.

Fluffy24 · 04/08/2015 18:32

Thank you cards should be banned!

Turquoiseblue · 04/08/2015 18:44

I think it s important to say thanks, but how you say it is up to you.
I love a card or had written note, on dc1 I loved printing up the photos etx and sending the cards, on dc 2 it was a massive chore to organise and I did it after the christening at 7 months!!! So it could still come to you yet! Or maybe she just feels that a thank you at the time via text is sufficient to say thanks.

The hand made gift is so thoughtful and something I would personally adore - however some people might not appreciate he effort that goes into making it. Do you think she knew you made it yourself ? Is she into those kind of gifts ? My sister is completely different to me and I remember her getting a similar gift and shrugging it off, simply because she is very much prefers shop bought items and stuff matching etc. So I wonder if your friend appreciated the effort you went to in making the gift. It s not spiteful just different standards.

mumof2oneofeach · 04/08/2015 18:45

Gosh, I feel awful. I was so disorganised when second child was born that some people didn't even get acknowledged when they sent us presents because I totally forgot who sent what. I'm hoping they understand that baby brain and exhaustion were responsible...

eddielizzard · 04/08/2015 18:48

wow! a hand made knitted blanket takes a huge effort, and you've got 2 small kids. i think that does warrant more than just a text tbh. but then i'm a knitter and i know how much work goes into it. could be that she doesn't realise you made it?

Findtheoldme · 04/08/2015 18:48

I haven't even had a text from gifts sent never mind a card. A text would have been fine.

StarlingMurmuration · 04/08/2015 18:52

I still haven't sent most of my thank you cards and my sone is 8.5 months old. I have pretty severe PND and also a horrible birth injury which I had to have surgery for last month, I am very grateful for the presents we received, and I want to say thank you but most days it's all I can do to get out of bed and look after my son.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/08/2015 18:54

I'm another one who says that she did say thank you.

Some people are card-senders, and some are not. She said thank you, so even if it was not the bells and whistles you wanted, it's best to let it go.

(And only ever make presents because you want to make them, not because you think they are somehow an investment in the Bank Of What I Have Done For You.)

StarlingMurmuration · 04/08/2015 18:54

I feel really bad about it :(