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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting my MIL to discuss Jesus and heaven with my 5 year old?

999 replies

Spearshake · 04/08/2015 13:29

I was just having breakfast with my 5 year old son and he asked me, 'do only people who love Jesus go to heaven?; I asked him who told you that.
Unfortunately, my tone must have been a bit sharp (hey, first thing in the morning) so he said, 'I don't know'

(I know it's his grandma though (my MIL) because she has been staying with us for the last week and we haven't been in contact with anyone else who is likely to make such comments) Unless he has been on the evangelical channels again

The problem is that I am an atheist, so I have a tough time with such discussions. He asked me what God is the other day, and I asked him to wait until his father gets home and he can answer (he was brought up more religiously than me)

Any ideas from fellow mumsnetters of a similar religious (or non-) bent on how to deal with such ideas would be most welcome.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:07

I agree it is bollocks but I find it quite interesting - I think children find these things interesting. They probably work out it is bollocks but this doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to ask questions and discuss it.

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:13

Interesting article about scientists and religion from Guardian

tarashill · 05/08/2015 22:15

Something I e noticed on threads of this nature is the nastiness and intolerance towards anyone who happens to believe in God. The goading and patronising tones are quite shocking, also the way we are taunted and treated as if we are all thick. Really nasty.

Twunk · 05/08/2015 22:17

My son responded to his treatment for leukaemia in the best way possible - even the oncologist was surprised at his blood response after less than 24 hours. This was without any faith or prayers or entreaties to "god".

I am told that faith helps you through however I cannot understand how anyone can believe in a god that will give a 4 year old cancer in order to see how strong their family is. I've read this on my cancer support group on Facebook - and atheists are accused of arrogance! How arrogant is it to assume your god wants to test you with childhood leukaemia?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/08/2015 22:17

keepit

you don't know....

I meant to type we don't know
apologies

StitchingMoss · 05/08/2015 22:21

The reason for some people the same disease is curable whereas for others it's a death sentence is nothing to do with god - it's to do with how advanced the disease, the health of the patient and some times pure good/bad luck.

My bf died recently from cancer - she came from the most religious family I've ever encountered. They prayed for her fervently and daily. She died. If god exists he's a wanker.

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:23

Another Guardian article on scientists and religion.

noblegiraffe · 05/08/2015 22:24

I think it must be quite hard for children to keep track of everything. Thinking of conversations I've had with my 5 year old.
Dragons? Not real, but cool
Dinosaurs? Real but not around any more so you can't see them
Santa? Gosh, how did the presents get there if not Santa?
Thor? A God who people used to believe made thunder, also an Avenger
Jesus? Some people think he died 2000 years ago and came back to life. No, he's not around any more. No he's not a superhero.
Fairies? Not real
No, those aren't fairies, they're angels. No, not real.

Twunk · 05/08/2015 22:25

So sorry stitching Flowers

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:26

I think that people misunderstand prayer. It isn't something that you just ask and are given. I have only once had a prayer said for a family member who was on life support. It wasn't 'please God make him better' (and hey presto he was better). All I can say was that it was immensely comforting at the time.

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:27

You don't have a high opinion of your 5 yr old noblegiraffe.

noblegiraffe · 05/08/2015 22:29

I've got a very high opinion of my 5 year old, thanks, Mehitabel

StitchingMoss · 05/08/2015 22:31

Thank you Twunk, so sorry to hear what you've been through with your DS - hope he keeps on getting better Smile.

But Mehitabel, if she had got better I can bet you my house that all her family would have given god the credit - he can't lose can he? Someone dies and it wasn't god's fault, they live and he saved them. It's such bullshit and very distressing to those of us who have to listen to it knowing that it was only going to end one way. It makes me very very angry.

noeffingidea · 05/08/2015 22:33

mehitabel so what is it then?
I've got to be honest, I do occassionally respond to those threads that ask for prayers/positive thoughts (the second in my case) and I don't think it's going to make a blind bit of difference. I just think it's nice to support someone if they ask for it. But really, you can do that just as well by saying 'best wishes' or something similar.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/08/2015 22:35

yep, found it! was about to call DH to ask kids if they have hidden itGrin
have you seen Prison Break? I'm watching it on Netflix, it's pretty good.

have you finished painting all the walls yet?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/08/2015 22:37

oops wrong thread
to distracted by everyone going to Utah!Grin

StitchingMoss · 05/08/2015 22:39

noeffingidea, prayer has never been proved to change the outcome of someone living or dying - if it makes people feel better then that's no bad thing (placebo?) but it's a dangerous false hope for people who are terminally ill as my friend was.

LemonCream · 05/08/2015 22:39

Odd thing to say, Mehitbel. Noble's 5 year old sounds like a bright, questioning little boy. And it's just a demonstration of how many stories little ones have to wade their way through.

And we do all know that there are religious scientists around. But they don't represent the wider scientific community and, notably, aren't even attempting to present evidence for their beliefs. "Science doesn't have all the answers" ought to be beneath them, but it takes all sorts.

Really, really sorry to hear that Stitching. And glad your DS is responding, Twunk - I shall keep everything crossed that it continues.

StitchingMoss · 05/08/2015 22:42

Thank you Lemon.

LemonCream · 05/08/2015 22:42

noeffingidea, prayer has never been proved to change the outcome of someone living or dying

Worse than that...it's been shown that there are marginally worse outcomes when people know they are being prayed for.

If someone offers to pray for us, perhaps we should say "No thanks" based on that.

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:42

I don't know why you don't think he can't keep track- and why palm him off with one sentence.

I had to discuss death with. Y 2 yr old. He kept track and I listened as well as talked.

My relative got better- that was modern medicine. Any prayers in the world wouldn't have made him better before the technology. It isn't magic!

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:44

Another article
What I do like is that they consider the question seriously and don't go on about imaginary friends and dolphins etc.

Mehitabel6 · 05/08/2015 22:45

Sorry - my 2yr old - the m got lost.

fourtothedozen · 05/08/2015 22:45

noble didn't say her son couldn't keep track- and she doesn't palm him off with one sentence.
This was a summary of conversations- I thought that was quite clear from her post.

KingOfTheBongo · 05/08/2015 22:48

StitchingMoss don't be angry. If there is no God, he can't be a wanker since he doesn't exist. And if there is a God, him that did turn out be his son told us that we will receive eternal joy AFTER our death. So either way, no promises were broken. Sorry four loss.