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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting my MIL to discuss Jesus and heaven with my 5 year old?

999 replies

Spearshake · 04/08/2015 13:29

I was just having breakfast with my 5 year old son and he asked me, 'do only people who love Jesus go to heaven?; I asked him who told you that.
Unfortunately, my tone must have been a bit sharp (hey, first thing in the morning) so he said, 'I don't know'

(I know it's his grandma though (my MIL) because she has been staying with us for the last week and we haven't been in contact with anyone else who is likely to make such comments) Unless he has been on the evangelical channels again

The problem is that I am an atheist, so I have a tough time with such discussions. He asked me what God is the other day, and I asked him to wait until his father gets home and he can answer (he was brought up more religiously than me)

Any ideas from fellow mumsnetters of a similar religious (or non-) bent on how to deal with such ideas would be most welcome.

Thank you!

OP posts:

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:30

well, there are some people who believe

That is far too complex an idea for a 3 year old.

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:31

Are you atheist now ghostyslovesheep?

ghostyslovesheep · 04/08/2015 14:32

I also won't teach them to be intolerant of people's beliefs - I prefer to teach them to be accepting and open minded rather than dismissive and aggressive

ghostyslovesheep · 04/08/2015 14:32

I am a humanist - I have no belief in God but I accept other people's right to have different beliefs

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:34

thehouseonbellst In my opinion it's kind of hypocritical for atheists to deny their child any knowledge about religion at all....when religious people have to accept atheists.

I know of no atheists who would want to deny their child information about religion.
It is when religion is fed subjectively to children as fact that many object.

lotrben17 · 04/08/2015 14:36

filling children's heads with lies - see, that's what I don't care for. You may not believe. I agree, St Peter probably isn't up there waiting to welcome me and re-unite me with everyone I've lost - but we don't know, we can't say for sure it's lies. And nobody religious is intending to lie to children. At best we're mostly fools aren't we?

DoraGora · 04/08/2015 14:38

Religion is always fed subjectively to everybody, even when it's presented as fact. Unless, of course the holy book is being presented as the literal word of God. But, then, the audience has to be prepared to accept that idea. Are we talking about the CofE? Because, our church doesn't present it that way. I can't speak for all of them. But, I'd be surprised.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2015 14:39

I have always emphasized the 'good manners' aspect of it to DS (who is now 10) - different people believe different things and that's up to them; many of these beliefs have silly aspects and that's still up to the people who believe them and not our business, etc. I have also taught him as he gets older that it's OK to tell people who are being tiresome about their beliefs that he doesn't agree (eg that their imaginary friend hates gay people, or hates people with other iimaginary friends.)
I also talk to him about stories, history, politics and values, and where all the mythology systems are similar and where they are not. And we have discussed death a bit as my father died a few years ago. I talked to him about energy and how we are all made of stardust and the atoms that were us continue existing in different forms.

ghostyslovesheep · 04/08/2015 14:40

Lots of things are fed to children 'as fact' they seem to cope as they grow into adults! Father Christmas the tooth fairy etc

SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2015 14:41

Filling children's heads with stories is perhaps more accurate than 'lies', though it depends who's saying what to your DC. Religion is primarily an instrument of social control, so you will get people telling kids that they have to be 'good' ie know their place or an imaginary friend will punish them. These adults don't believe this crap themselves but are using it to back up their authority and/or enrich themselves.

roseteapot101 · 04/08/2015 14:42

i remember explaining this too a friends child asking questions as i go to church

i said when you go grow up you choose what ever belief you want

just explain each religion the jist of it

some people are atheist this means they believe in the scientific method.They believe to question everything and find answers in science

some people are catholic they believe in god and that the pope runs the catholic church.They believe that if they are good kind too people they will go to heaven but if they are bad to people they will go to hell

theres Buddhism , muslim ,hindi , sikh , judaism , Christian , Mormon all like to believe in god in their own way give a brief explanation of what they are use this as a teaching lesson

fill him with knowledge so he understands belief is a choice

SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2015 14:43

People don't tend to want to kill each other over Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy, though. Nor do FC/TF have any dubious tendencies to treat boys differently from girls. So many rational parents are happier rolling with a bit of lighthearted, child-specific mythology than the dodgier sectarian stuff.

DoraGora · 04/08/2015 14:44

That people are nice is a pretty big lie. I wouldn't want to take my children through the workings of General Pinochet simply to tell them the truth about everything. The truth is highly overrated.

80schild · 04/08/2015 14:45

I was annoyed with my MIL for the same reason - I wanted to bring my children up as Christian but she adamantly told them she was right, there was no God for months on end.

Over a year after her death my eldest still says he doesn't believe in God, and he is only 6. I do believe it was indoctrination, just in the opposite direction, so I can completely understand OP. I think people should be respectful of other people's beliefs and not fill little heads with nonsense but present a balanced perspective of faith, what it means and what it looks like in practice.

Gruach · 04/08/2015 14:45

But even if your DMIL doesn't talk about religion other people will.

Impossible to censor every contact he has for the rest of his childhood. Are you going to turn off the news? Cover his eyes when you pass a church? Surely it would be better to acknowledge that different people believe different things?

Talismania · 04/08/2015 14:45

He might want to be a Christian. How would you feel about that?

Peacheykeen · 04/08/2015 14:47

The only person who ever tried to indoctrinate me was my hard-core atheist father who was also a raging alcoholic. I would describe myself as a humanist but I'm very respectful of others beliefs including atheists lol. I'm sure Granny didn't mean any harm

DoraGora · 04/08/2015 14:52

People who say that there is no God are only saying that they don't believe that one exists. If my children said they didn't believe it, I'd be fine with that. But, I would remind them that the Church, at the moment, is a fine social organisation, which wouldn't exist without the Bible. I'd tell them that whether they believe what's in the book, or take it literally or not, is entirely up to them. But, I'd say that an atheist who's certain of no God or who denigrates believers is someone who hasn't thought things through, yet.

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:54

the Church, at the moment, is a fine social organisation,

SanityClause · 04/08/2015 14:56

Generally one hopes that schools are not teaching small children dogma as fact - which is obviously what the MIL is doing.

My DC went to non-faith schools, and have assured me that bible stories are taught as fact, in junior school, although more "some people believe..." in senior school.

Maybe this is not true, and they just missed the "some people believe..." message, when they were younger.

It doesn't seem to have done them any harm, as they are all fairly happy to decide what they believe, now they are teens and tweens.

DoraGora · 04/08/2015 14:56

If you believe that it isn't one, that's fine too. I don't need your reasons.

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:57

But, I'd say that an atheist who's certain of no God or who denigrates believers is someone who hasn't thought things through, yet.

No. It's someone understanding their world through empirical evidence, not fantasy.

Atheism is not a faith.

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 14:58

Just a reminder that there are no "non faith" state schools in the UK, and that christian worship is a requirement by law in all schools.

DoraGora · 04/08/2015 15:00

It is indeed a faith. It's the belief that there is no God. The existence of God can neither be proved nor disproved. It isn't something that can be observed.

lotrben17 · 04/08/2015 15:01

yes exactly Dora, it's about the limits of what can be empirically tested in fact.

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