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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want your snotty germ riddled baby to come to play!

46 replies

Izzy82 · 04/08/2015 00:23

So, imagine the scene. there were 8 of us in our NCT group and since having had our babies 8 months ago, have met up fairly regular.
Anyway, it was my turn to host last week. baby number 8 arrives with two massive snot trains hanging down (one from each nostril). upon arrival, her mum says 'I hope you don't mind, Baby 8 has a steaming cold'
Actually yes I do mind. I mind of your baby sneezes over all of the other babies.
I do mind if your baby sneezes over all of the toys in my house
I do mind of your baby has a content stream of snot hanging down her face.
And why do I mind? because it's 12:20 in the morning and I am sitting in the bathroom with the shower on trying to clear my ddS airways so that we may get some sleep tonight!
I know colds are sometimes inevitable, but would you deliberately inflict one on a group of 9 month olds?
Sorry, rant over

OP posts:
LovesYoungDream · 04/08/2015 00:29

There's a good products called 'snuffle babe', might help. Hope your dd feels better soon

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2015 00:36

Babies get an average of 12 viruses their first year. We had a rule with my 'baby friends' that D and V we avoided each other like the plague, but colds? Life's too short.

DoJo · 04/08/2015 00:37

I can see why you're annoyed, but at 8 months, with a lot of babies starting to go to nursery etc then constant colds are almost guaranteed. There was a period of about 6 months when I would never have seen any of my friends if we had avoided each other when our kids had colds.
However, it does sound like you are really suffering with this one, and I can completely understand the desire to protect your baby (and sleep!). We used to have a sort of cold amnesty system - we used Facebook to arrange meetings so anyone whose baby was suffering would just post to say so, and if someone was going on holiday/just getting over another cold/preferred not to risk it for any reason then they could bow out (and if more weren't keen than were happy to meet up, then the lurgy-ridden one would bow out themselves).

GraceGrape · 04/08/2015 00:37

Babies and young children are constantly getting colds. If you stayed away from other people every time they had one you would never get out anywhere.

Dontloookbackinanger · 04/08/2015 00:43

YANBU, I would have been unhappy too.

IdaClair · 04/08/2015 00:48

Children are snotty and germ riddled.

So are many adults.

There are umpteen snot riddled children at every public venue.

Is it particularly nice, no, can you avoid it, no, is it worth worrying about, I don't think so, although I do hope you get some sleep.

My dd was in a room full of snotty children at less than 24 hours old and had first cold at nine days. It happens.

Backtobedlam · 04/08/2015 00:55

Agree that d&v you should wait it out, but coughs and colds are part and parcel. Sorry your little one is poorly, it's horrible when they are so tiny, but if you keep them in every time they have a runny nose you'd never leave the house.

toobreathless · 04/08/2015 00:55

Goodness you sound very uptight.

Babies get colds, that's life. Had it been a group of newborns or one of the others has a serious illness that's different.

Mine had 'colds' for months at this age. We carried on as normal as long as they were well. I wouldn't have taken them out with a high temperature/vomiting/diarrhoea.

Original poster
Izzy82 · 04/08/2015 00:55

I do understand that colds are inevitable and We have had our fair share- believe me! I just wouldn't dream of turning up to a weekly play date without giving the heads up!

OP posts:
nemo81 · 04/08/2015 06:09

Yanbu. I hate people turning up at my house when they are ill. I have been known to turn people away (yes fil that includes you with your d&v). I value my sleep and get pissed when inconsiderate people rock up at my house ill. No fuck off!

Sausages123 · 04/08/2015 06:27

Colds with no temps not concerned about and wouldn't tell them not to come but raging temps and d&v is a definite no. Also is conjunctivitis. We had a friend who failed to tell me till they had arrived and 2 yr old Son had started playing with my 5 month old they all had conjunctivitis we spent Christmas Eve in Drs surgery trying to get drops sorted for baby and 4 year old it took us 8 weeks to finally get rid of it.

ProudAS · 04/08/2015 06:33

YANBU to be annoyed being up at stupid o'clock in the morning with a suffering baby. Also it would have been good of your friend to have checked as you may have had a holiday or similar planned.

In the grand scheme of things though they need to catch colds etc in order to build immunity and babies shielded from germs are more likely to develop allergies later in life.

Hope your DS feels better soon and you managed to get some sleep. Flowers

Glitteryarse · 04/08/2015 06:41

YANBU.

I've just spent three days in a caravan with my friend and her three kids that had snot streams and coughs. I was sat up with dd (2) last night with her new snot streams and cough Angry

confusedandemployed · 04/08/2015 06:48

Oh my, that sounds rather upright to me too. Colds are part of the deal with kids, surely - as is D&V to a certain extent but I wouldn't deliberately run that risk.
I think if you spend your life trying to avoid the common cold you'll hardly see another human being. King Canute and the tide springs to mind.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 04/08/2015 06:52

It's a cold, it's not as if the baby has measles. You're in for a shock when your baby starts in childcare if snotty babies bother you!

HoggleHoggle · 04/08/2015 06:56

There and colds and colds. If it's basically just a runny nose then I would still do meet ups but would send a polite heads up. Anything where ds actually seems unwell then we stay at home for his sake and everyone else's. But I agree, since ds started nursery they've been an almost constant fact of life and he only goes once a week!

Stopandlook · 04/08/2015 06:57

Oh dear. PFB by any chance? Kinda hope so! I was the same with my first but now I know how ridiculous that was. It's just a cold - they will get a lot - hope your baby is better soon.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/08/2015 07:03

I understand why you're pissed off at 12.20am, but you can't shield your baby from colds, it's impossible. I hope your DD's sleeping now.

QOD · 04/08/2015 07:04

Buy a wall paper steamer. Fab. Directional hose and we drop menthol crystals in it
if people borrow it for actual wall paper removal they return it stinking of menthol Grin

flanjabelle · 04/08/2015 07:04

Agreed. My friend brought her baby round wheezing, coughing, screaming and in a right state. said baby drooled all over dds toys and dd of course caught the bug. She was so unbelievably ill. 40 degree temp, didn't eat properly for over a week, didn't sleep more than two hours for three days. I was on my knees with sleep deprivation (hallucinating and nearly collapsing). Thanks for sharing that one friend.

If dd is ill, I warn the person we are supposed to be seeing and ask if they would like us to rearrange. It's just good manners.

EponasWildDaughter · 04/08/2015 07:17

YANBU IMO

DD4 (18 months) is small for her age and if she gets poorly she goes off her food, loses weight quickly and it takes us 2 or 3 months to get her back on track. Colds are inevitable at some point, but there's no need to welcome them if it's unavoidable. And this is a situation where it was entirely avoidable.

Adults can catch the cold and then it goes all round the bloody family.

I think the mum should have said 'play date at my house this time as LO has streaming cold. Come round if you wish'. Then those that didn't mind could have gone.

No1warnedme · 04/08/2015 07:24

YANBU at all. At the very least, they should have given you the heads up before arriving. Yes, colds are a part of baby & toddler life, but it really pisses me off when people don't even bother warning you.
Aside from being polite, I wouldn't dream of dragging my children to play dates when they feel like shit. I wouldn't want to play when I feel crap, and I know they don't. It's selfishness on the parent's part, if you ask me.

5YearsTime · 04/08/2015 07:25

I'm with you OP. Babies constantly pick stuff up but you don't need to actually infect other people and make them miserable too. I would be really annoyed too. Currently listening to DH hacking his lungs up because the baby passed a big to both of us. Pretty sure some visitors gave it to us. Can't see a good friend because she's due very shortly and the no-one needs this plus labour.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/08/2015 07:33

Yanbu to an extent, I don't think the baby in question was having a good time either with a bad cold, just for this week, they shoukd have stayed at home. I woukd not have dreamed of going to an event like this in somebodies house when my child had a bad cold. Ok if it was the tail end of it, but nit when they are obviously bad. Some people are really selfish. The supermarket, park etc us fine, but not somebodies home.

toomuchtooold · 04/08/2015 07:42

YANBU about the heads up - if your kid's sick it's only polite to offer the other parents the option to bow out. It's all very well for people to say "oh they'll get it all at nursery anyway" but if your child's not going to nursery in the next 2-3 months it's not going to make any difference to their ability to fight colds etc anyway because by the time they get there there'll be a whole new host of bugs to deal with. And in any case, don't people find it quite arrogant that effectively by bringing a coldy baby to a meetup, this person is basically making that judgement for you and planning out your next few nights of (no) sleep for you?