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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds his birthday is on a different day?

52 replies

purpleteapig · 03/08/2015 18:21

My son is turning 3 on Wednesday. We've told him his birthday is this week but he only has a vague idea of days so doesn't know it's Wednesday. We're not having a party due to the expense and figure that can wait until next year when there's no avoiding it (and every year after!).

DH is working Wednesday and leaving v early, so it's just me, DS and his baby brother on the actual day. DH thinks we should tell him his birthday is on Saturday so we both have the day with him and give him pressies together - but this feels a bit wrong to me. I know rationally he'll be none the wiser, but to let his actual day go past without mentioning it seems weird. Also I don't know what the gps will think (they usually FaceTime him). Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:

usualsuspect333 · 03/08/2015 18:24

I couldn't do it. It would just feel wrong to me.

You can still have a nice day together on Saturday, but I couldn't let the actual day pass without celebrating it.

IAmAShitHotLawyer · 03/08/2015 18:24

It's not unreasonable but on the other hand I don't think its necessary to hide the fact. If your DH wants to be there for the present giving why can't he rearrange his work schedule?

Bellebella · 03/08/2015 18:27

I personally couldn't do it, I would know that it's not his birthday and would have to do something with him on the Wednesday. I couldn't just let it pass even if he didn't understand. Why don't you just celebrate both days? Do something small on the Wednesday and then a family thing on the Saturday.

This is why both myself and my oh book our ds birthday off months in advance

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2015 18:29

We did that last year when dd was 3, because the day was so packed, with so many comings and going down that presents/cake etc would have been difficult to squeeze in. And you can't give a three year old presents, then tell her she has to go out! We did it the next day, and it was far more relaxed. She wasn't born til 23.45 and I didn't come round til 3 am the next day anyway.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 18:29

YABU. This has been done before on MN and the consensus was very unreasonable. How could you possibly watch his real birthday go past unmarked??

All you do is do a cake on his birthday and gifts...and then a nice tea. His party is on another day. He will accept this.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 18:31

Also....what will your DH do when he's working next year? Lie again? Vary it year to year? Silly idea.

chaiselounger · 03/08/2015 18:31

I think this is very wrong.
You can easily explain this by :
We celebrate on Saturday with doing this , daddy will open presents on xxx , but Daddy is working, so it'll be you and me on this day - you get to celebrate 3 times!yeah how cool.
Sell it to him! 3 year olds get taken in by that kind of selling. And thus no lying, no falsification re grand parents etc.

Why you would ever consider lying about such a thing is totally beyond me.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 18:32

You don't even need to "sell it to him" He's three! You just say "Hooray! Today is your birthday!" then on party day "Hooray today is party day!"

He's three! He won't need a hard sell.

usualsuspect333 · 03/08/2015 18:32

We often had a day out/party on the nearest weekend, but we still had presents and cake on the actual day.

Hulababy · 03/08/2015 18:33

I don't think you need to tell him a different day.

I can understand your DH wanting to be there to celebrate with him and it definitely isn't always possible to alter work days and take extra holidays off to accommodate them

So, why not do both.

Smaller acknowledgement on the day - with maybe one or two small gifts, or a birthday tea.

And then a bigger celebration at the weekend - birthday party day with more gifts, etc.

wigglesrock · 03/08/2015 18:38

No, just tell him his party/ day out is happening on Saturday & do his cards and presents on his actual birthday - have a cake or his favourite dinner on his birthday. I do it all the time, I think this year was the first time my husband and myself have both been off on my eldests actual birthday and she was 10 - tbh I think she was a bit miffed she wasn't having two days of birthday lavishments

lunalelle · 03/08/2015 18:38

We had balloons on the breakfast chair on the day, birthday tea in the evening. Party day was party day.

AmandaTanen · 03/08/2015 18:41

Birthday is always celebrated on the actual day here even if DH is working. Parties if they want one are on the weekend.

TheCowThatLaughs · 03/08/2015 18:45

Does he have any expectations of getting presents anyway? You could say happy birthday to him on the day and then give him the present on another day without any explanation couldn't you?

turdfairynomore · 03/08/2015 18:54

I teach p1 & in the year that I taught my daughter there was a little girl who had a birthday the day before my DD. I mentioned this to the mum a few,weeks beforehand (thankfully out of earshot of the children) as I wanted to sort out a date for a party for DD. She told me that they were too busy to celebrate her birthday that month-not that day or week!! She actually celebrated her bday 6 weeks later!! And not just the party but the badges on her uniform etc! They were "caught out" later on though as my DD and this girl became very friendly throughout school as often shared a party. When they were in p6 ish they were talking back through the parties they'd had and looking at pics.......And the pics of their p1 parties made interesting viewing as my DD was a sunny late Sept day at the farm...with kids in shorts etc. The other one was in November!!! They'd gone horse riding and were bumfled up in scarves and gloves!! They still talk about it and they're nearly 21 now.....in SEPTEMBER!

maybetomorrow22 · 03/08/2015 18:54

I regularly move birthdays and have even moved Christmas day so DH is home(forces). People frown upon it but it works for us and kids are none the wiser plus we all get the bonus of seeing their faces on the the day is magical.

It's only ever been by a day or two so nothing major however they are now school age and I don't think I can get away with it any longer.

Do what is best for you and your family.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/08/2015 18:57

I wouldn't lie - can't see the big deal not having the day off. dd is 3 and has been to nursery every year on her birthday. We have presents and cake before or after.

Alanna1 · 03/08/2015 18:59

I have moved my DC's birthdays before. I've moved mine too! No big deal...

bestguess23 · 03/08/2015 19:04

I can't see the problem. At 3 they have a very limited concept of what birthdays are. The fun bits they like will work just as well on the Saturday. If you and dh are ok with celebrating another day I can't see the issue. If he was older it would be a problem but I can't see why it is at 3.

Callaird · 03/08/2015 19:14

I'd have done the present opening/cake/balloons/outing yesterday.

Then all his cards and any presents that come through the post on Wednesday. Hopefully the balloons will still be inflated and you can do something fun with his/your friends/extended family.

Two birthdays? What's not to like?!?!

SheenaWasAPunkRocker · 03/08/2015 19:46

He's three. You can totally get away with it. Do it and ignore everyone who is saying otherwise

ChoosWisely · 03/08/2015 19:47

Dd is 3 and hasn't had her birthday on the right day yet. She always has a great day though, and next year it falls on a weekend, so the rest of my family will be relieved.

No one knows ds like you, do what he would like best

fredfredgeorgejnr · 03/08/2015 19:58

I don't think it's particularly bad, but I also can't possibly see the point, it's telling lies for no benefit whatsoever, celebrating twice is more fun for the kid, why lie - what's the point?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/08/2015 20:03

I wouldn't. I'd forever remember his 3rd birthday as the one that we'd lied to him about.

Just be honest with him - cake and candles on the day, maybe meet with some friends to have a quiet celebration then a proper family celebration as soon as you can.

MillionToOneChances · 03/08/2015 20:06

Why lie?

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