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AIBU?

To tell ds his birthday is on a different day?

52 replies

purpleteapig · 03/08/2015 18:21

My son is turning 3 on Wednesday. We've told him his birthday is this week but he only has a vague idea of days so doesn't know it's Wednesday. We're not having a party due to the expense and figure that can wait until next year when there's no avoiding it (and every year after!).

DH is working Wednesday and leaving v early, so it's just me, DS and his baby brother on the actual day. DH thinks we should tell him his birthday is on Saturday so we both have the day with him and give him pressies together - but this feels a bit wrong to me. I know rationally he'll be none the wiser, but to let his actual day go past without mentioning it seems weird. Also I don't know what the gps will think (they usually FaceTime him). Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:

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bettyberry · 03/08/2015 20:13

Surely it is a life lesson for children to learn that on their birthday sometimes you get a few cards, a happy birthday and have to wait until another day for the proper celebrating with everyone there?

What happen's next time his birthday falls on a weekday and both of you can't be there?

It just seems really daft. Tell him its his birthday. Give him his cards. Give him a small gift to open and save the big ones for the weekend with everyone else!

It's how I've always done it and it seems to work very well here.

PumpkinPie2013 · 03/08/2015 20:14

I'd just do something both days.

When my son turned 1, his birthday was on a Thursday so he was going to nursery and we were working (teachers so no chance of booking the day off).

We gave him our presents and had balloons on the Thursday and then had a little party tea with cake and other presents with family and friends at the weekend (they brought their presents with them to the party hence why they were opened then).

This year will be the same as again, his birthday falls on a week day.

PurpleSwift · 03/08/2015 20:18

I did this with my two year old last month. I didn't lie to him. But 3 days after his birthday he woke up to presents, balloons and had a party later on that day. He loved it.

Joolsy · 03/08/2015 20:58

I don't see the point in lying, like others have said. I'm sensing it would be more for your benefit as you won't be doing anything 'special' on the actual day. So what? At 3, he wouldn't expect anything special anyway. A nice day with you & his DS will be all that's needed, and something special at the weekend with your OH as well.

MokunMokun · 03/08/2015 21:02

My husband also wanted to do this but I also didn't see the point in lying about it. It's fine to have a birthday party on a separate day.

We just had a homemade cake on the actual day that my daughter helped decorate and had fun. It was fine.

pinktrufflechoc · 03/08/2015 21:07

You don't have to have a party.

Never had a party for mine

CaitSith · 03/08/2015 21:12

Another one with a 3 year old who hasn't had his birthday on the right day yet. And DS2 is 1 this month, he's having his on the wrong day too. We have promised ourselves that we'll start next year though!

Do it OP, he won't care!

Viviennemary · 03/08/2015 21:21

No don't. Celebrate in a small way on the Wednesday with a special tea and some presents. But say since Daddy is at work you'll be having another little tea on the Saturday. No child is not going to want to celebrate twice. No need to tell any lies.

usualsuspect333 · 03/08/2015 21:26

I have never in all my life known anyone celebrate their childs birthday on the wrong day.

I find it really odd.

Mrsjayy · 03/08/2015 21:26

What if his dad is working next year or the year after he might always miss it on week days its a pita though will he be away all day ? Can you not do presents in the morning .most children have extended birthdays anyway actual birthday and party/day out at the weekend i wouldnt start the its your birthday saturday tbh.

AmberLav · 03/08/2015 21:31

DD's second birthday was celebrated a day late... I've celebrated my birthday a day late since having the children... I think that is better than sending children to nursery on their birthday when parents don't have enough holiday to take the day off.

I like the ceremony of birthdays, and if it's a work/nursery day then there is not enough time in the morning to do all the things we like to do on a a birthday morning... Small children understand what you tell them, and I don't think it is deceitful or anything silly like that...

DS is now old enough that I wouldn't change the date for him, but up to 3, I think that you can make a day that you can all make more fun for your child.

If that is what you want to do, then do it, if you are not comfortable doing it, then fine too...

Itsallaboutme3 · 03/08/2015 21:34

Of course it is not unreasonable, he is 3 years old he is not going to know any difference

sticklebrickstickle · 03/08/2015 21:39

I don't see the problem with this. We did Christmas on a different day once as a family member had to work and the small children were none the wiser.

For me the special thing about birthdays is the celebration with friends/family not the actual date. He's only 3, he won't know and you'll have a much more enjoyable day altogether on Saturday.

purpleteapig · 03/08/2015 21:59

I will tell him it's his birthday on the Wed and split the pressies into two, so he can open some on Saturday like some people have suggested. DH is still against it, but its me who'll be with him all day Wed and I know I'll feel guilty if I don't tell him it's his birthday. Also, we'd have to tell the gps and nursery to not mention it too and it would feel like a lie that's snowballing. The only thing is that I thought the actual day might feel a bit flat, but as a few ppl pointed out, a 3 yo is easily pleased!

OP posts:

Karoleann · 03/08/2015 22:02

He'll never remember! He's three... we've moved a couple of the children's birthdays, one due to chicken pox and the other as we had a wedding and they were non the wiser.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 22:03

That's right. I always decorate the sitting room the night before...so even if the party isn't that day, it looks festive. I blow up a load of balloons...hang a banner and get a helium balloon to sit on their gifts. Mine adore it.

OvertiredandConfused · 03/08/2015 22:13

I once told my DS his birthday was a day earlier. We were on holiday - long drive in UK - and due to travel home on his birthday so we brought it forward a day. It was his 4th or 5th and bang in the middle of school holidays.

Don't think I'd do it for more than a day or for a "normal" reason like work or school.

Purplepoodle · 03/08/2015 22:15

did it all the time was all my dc until they got old enough to understand as their dads only here at weekends.

ListenWillYou · 03/08/2015 22:28

I think you should have his birthday on the Saturday. Birthdays are really fun for three year olds and I think it would be sad for your DH to miss out just because you feel guilty about telling your son it's a different day.

Don't you think it will be nicer for you son to have his Mum and Dad with him on his birthday. Its hard for a 3 year old to understand that his dad can't be there for his birthday as he has to work. It will make his birthday more special because everyone will be there to celebrate.

ArabellaRockerfella · 03/08/2015 22:47

When my middle dd turned one my dh and I were on our way home from an all expenses paid trip to Barcelona that he had won through work. It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity. We celebrated her birthday the next day. She is/was none the wiser, family were all on board. Everyone was happy! No problems [:)]

PavlovaPalaver · 03/08/2015 22:57

I moved my DS's 4th birthday this year by 4 days because he was staying with my parents on his actual birthday (DH & I both working over summer hols and the only week my parents could take the kids for a few days).

It was no big deal. Don't think we'd get away with it next year tho.

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/08/2015 23:00

I couldn't do this. My DD has 3 birthdays: Her actual birthday when she's usually at school, a party on the nearest Saturday and a little celebration with the Tolkien Society on the 'teenth Sunday. DS will miss out on birthdays at school as he's an August baby.

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Sazzle41 · 03/08/2015 23:02

Whats wrong with two celebrations? Smaller one on the week day, family with other prezzies and a birthday tea on the Weekend? 3yr olds accept what you tell them and it seems wrong to lie when there is no reason to.

Ataraxy · 03/08/2015 23:13

I have a Christmas DS and I found that a lot of his friends couldn't come to his parties as it was too near Christmas. As he was young at the time he didn't realise just how many didn't turn up. One year I asked him if he wanted to pull his birthday party forward or have it in January. He asked for first week in December. We've been doing that ever since. More of his friends can attend, it spreads out his presents a little bit, and it's part of his run up to Christmas.

On his actual birthday he gets a small birthday cake and his presents from me. So celebrates twice. What's not to like really?

ifonlyitwasnotme · 03/08/2015 23:21

Our ds is 3. My husband works away, so far we have celebrated each birthday twice. On the day with my family and opened their presents with dh on Skype and then when he could be at home we celebrated again with dh family, more presents and cake. DS understands daddy works away and that his birthdays are celebrated over a longer period. He loves it

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