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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if any of you didn't move into your "forever house" till' the DC were older?

130 replies

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 14:52

I hate that term....it seems overly romantic but I get the meaning of it. Basically we're going to be moving into a home forever within a year and our DC will be 7 and 11.

I wish they could have grown up in one house but it's not been possible. We've had two rentals...well within their memory! One was for 9 years and this one has been just over a year.

Will they have just as secure a childhood memory? Did your DC like the new house? Tell me your stories if you rented or moved about for any reason.

They've always had the same school which is nice...that never changed.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2015 11:47

OP I do think you don't need to worry. It's great you're able to now afford your dream home but your children haven't missed out. Enjoy it but don't overthink this.

BertieBotts · 04/08/2015 11:49

The scene near the end of Parenthood where they sell the old house and they reminisce over every baseball scuff mark :)

ots · 04/08/2015 11:59

I think for them, the new house will be their forever house, especially the 7 year old.

From my experience, we lived in a house my parents owned until I was 9, then my mum and dad split up and sold the house, and we lived with my mum's new partner in his rented house. Over the next 3 years we moved around a few times, and eventually settled in a nice house when I was 12. My mum and step dad still live there now, 15 years later. When I think back to my childhood, I feel nostalgic about the house we lived in til I was 9, but most of my memories are of the house my mum is in now.

DH and I lived in a flat when DS was born. We moved into what I hope will be our forever home when he was 3years8 months. When he looks back as an adult, he will have little or no memories of his first home.

Notso · 04/08/2015 12:16

I don't want a forever house. Whenever it is that our last child has left home and has a place to live we will move to a smaller house.
I don't want to be stuck in a big house when I'm old and we will want to release equity.

Tenieht · 04/08/2015 12:39

Yes , "we've got a young and growing family and are now looking for a house where we will die" doesn't quite have the same ring on TV as "we're looking for a forever home" does it?

Original poster

TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 13:42

I want a big house when I'm old. I don't know why people don't. I know the cleaning is more etc but bugger it! I'll be dusty and free to roam if possible.

OP posts:

fourtothedozen · 04/08/2015 13:45

I don't want a big house when I am old.
We live in a big house atm- 5 bedrooms, lots of living space.
We will downsize when the kids fly though. Too big to heat, clean and maintain.
Plus selling will release some equity to help the kids with their house purchases and for OH and I to have some fun.

BleachedBarnet · 04/08/2015 14:32

I'm in my 20s and have lived in over 15 homes, at least 7 or 8 of which were with my parents before I moved out for uni at 18.

My DP lived in the same house from age 3 to 18.

Guess who has the better childhood memories? Me. It's about experiences, not places. I do agree that places can hold fantastic memories but it's also really nothing to stress over in the slightest.

Goshthatsspicy · 04/08/2015 15:38

Your question seems unusual considering your age, and your recent living arrangement. (before your windfall)
Why can't you just be glad you've got the opportunity to buy something.
Would you have asked this if you were going to stay in your council home?
It seems a bit perverse?

nooka · 05/08/2015 01:13

I think it's actually quite a bad idea to get too attached to a home, especially later in life when it might be a much better idea to move on. As an example my parents house (where I was born and grew up) was totally unsuitable for my mother 40 odd years after they bought it. It was a great house for a large family, but for two aging people (one with severe arthritis) it was really not great. Too cold and drafty and far too many stairs. They should have moved on at least ten years earlier and grown roots somewhere else but they were just too attached.

Different things appeal at different times of life. For dh and me being in a city was fun pre children and with small children. As older children being in a smaller town has been great, but now we're thinking that once our children have moved out and we don't need so much space living in a city centre would be fun. Or maybe a new country!

HormonalHeap · 05/08/2015 01:36

Life's not perfect. I had exactly the same issue as was single parent and renting. Now remarried and just moved to a six fed four bath outstanding home. Unfortunatly my kids are now 15 and 17. But I know from my own childhood that children's' sense of security and confidence comes from their family setup and relationships, not the size of their house- they don't even notice.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 05/08/2015 01:46

I've just realized something about myself after reading this thread.

I have this idealistic notion of my DC growing up in this beautiful forever home, with a gorgeous garden and room each, and loads of living space where tasteful wooden toys are artfully strewn about on the glorious wooden floors and there is no clutter to speak of and we're all wearing white

I grew up in one house though. Dh moved about and is very resilient. Me, not so much as see above!

No resilience. Or just an idealistic nobhead

houseHuntinginmanchester · 05/08/2015 01:55

I forgot to add in my fantasy there is a dog/cat family pet that doesn't eat/shit/drop hair, it just sort of glides around after my wonderful DC, making wonderful memories for them.

I would never admit to this shit in real life.

Or have any kind of creature inside my house.

shadowfax07 · 05/08/2015 02:28

I want a big house when I'm old. I don't know why people don't. I know the cleaning is more etc but bugger it! I'll be dusty and free to roam if possible.

We're currently in a 4 bed detached, just me, DP and one dog (I want more, he doesn't ). It's a new build, I've got three effing toilets to clean. Unfortunately, around here, two bed detached bungalows cost more than four bed detached houses. Thanks to some of the medical treatment I've had to have recently, the stairs are a problem for me, and I'm in my mid-forties. I want to move to a bungalow while I'm still fit enough to create the garden I want, and cope with the disruption of changing the interior to what I want. Old age does not come on its own, and I've had an insight into mine and I'm planning for it. I suspect you're younger than me though

NobodyLivesHere · 05/08/2015 02:41

Dd1 had lived in 3 houses by the time she was 13 months. And has lived in 8 houses in her 11 years. Ds has lived in 6 in 10 years, Dd2 in 4 in 8 years. They are secure happy kids. The idea of a forever home makes me claustrophobic, I like moving lol

Strokethefurrywall · 05/08/2015 03:35

I go back and forth on this - my parents have a forever home in south west London that to me is "home" even though I've not lived there for years and am now overseas. They are planning to sell up after we visit in aeptember and I'm devastated frankly. It isn't fathomable to me that when I go back the next time I won't be pulling into that driveway.

That being said, we're building our home at the moment and the kids will be nearly 5 and 2 when we get in there next year. But it won't be a forever home because we're expats and I can't see us being here forever. So the idea is to give them as many memories wherever they are to look back on. I don't have any romantic notion attached to it other tha. I want my lovely big house that weve worked our arses off for.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2015 13:55

Manchester!

BasinHaircut · 05/08/2015 14:24

I know what you mean OP, it creates the image of a nice charmed childhood and that's what most people want for their DC.

Your kids in the other hand probably couldn't give a shite?! Have you asked them how they feel about moving? Bet they are excited.

BasinHaircut · 05/08/2015 14:26

I also think that your move sounds like a positive one, not one Bourne out of bad circumstances so it can only be a good thing for your family.

Amber76 · 05/08/2015 17:10

I'm surprised at how few people have mentioned putting down roots, developing a network of supportive neighbours and being part of a community.

My dh and i both grew up in forever houses - my family was dysfunctional but i really envy the close ties dh has with his homeplace. He has friends who have been his friends since they were toddlers. His parents house has never changed and he plays in the garden now with our children the way he once played there as a child himself.

We had hoped to have a 'forever' house but circumstances are such that we intend to sell the house we recently bought in the countryside and hope to buy closer to city. We have a 4, 2 and 1 year old. Ideally we'd like to be settled in a house that we would see as a forever house in 12 months time.

I love the notion of planning and planting a garden that we'll see mature in the next 30/40 years. Love the idea that the kids will grow up and go to school in one place. And i think that selling one house and buying another must be very stressful (not so much for the kids but my stress might affect them) - i hope to never have to do it again. Unless i win the lottery..

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/08/2015 17:28

Most people I know who have moved house with primary school aged children have stayed within a mile or so of their old house, I do agree about the importance of roots in a community but it doesn't have to be in the same house.

Notso · 05/08/2015 22:31

I want a big house when I'm old. I don't know why people don't.

I used to think that but then watched both sets of Grandparents struggle in their large family homes.
When my Grandpa died my Grandma hated being alone in their house but equally couldn't bear to sell it because of all the memories.
They struggled to heat them, repair them and keep on top of cleaning.
You might think 'bugger it' but your children might then feel pressure to help you clean it. My parents did. From my teenage years until my late twenties when my GP's died my parents spent pretty much every other weekend with one or the other set of Grandparents cleaning, doing repairs etc.
I don't want my children to have to do that for us.

Memories are lovely. The great thing about them is that you can take them with you wherever you go.

mysteryfairy · 06/08/2015 07:40

I had three DC in my 20s so we moved up the housing ladder with them in tow - the oldest has lived in 6 houses and we bought our current house when he was 18.

We love this house and will stay until it gets unmanageably big. However it could easily fit two families in (has 2 kitchens, 4 bathrooms etc) and based on how difficult it is to get started in life now I do wonder if we might have one or more DC in it well into adulthood and perhaps partner and/or children too. I also think my mum may move in at some point. My dad has cancer, they live very remotely and mum doesn't drive so not sure how realistic it would be for her to live there alone in the future. To me having the house that might fit our future family needs is far more important than an attachment to any previous house.

I do point out to DD the house she was born in, but she has no memory of living there and no regrets.

BoboChic · 06/08/2015 07:46

Ageing parents who live remotely in large properties and are disinclined to pay for help with gardening/clearing/maintenance/driving to hospital appointments are a menace to their adult children!

Vagndidit · 06/08/2015 07:57

Ds is on his 6th home in 7 years so the idea of a forever home seems a bit far-fetched and romantic in our books. DH's job can take us anywhere in the world so I'd never give any merit to romantic notions of "forever homes." We've managed to make a home, more or less, wherever we've lived.

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