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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if any of you didn't move into your "forever house" till' the DC were older?

130 replies

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 14:52

I hate that term....it seems overly romantic but I get the meaning of it. Basically we're going to be moving into a home forever within a year and our DC will be 7 and 11.

I wish they could have grown up in one house but it's not been possible. We've had two rentals...well within their memory! One was for 9 years and this one has been just over a year.

Will they have just as secure a childhood memory? Did your DC like the new house? Tell me your stories if you rented or moved about for any reason.

They've always had the same school which is nice...that never changed.

OP posts:
hazyshadeofwinter · 03/08/2015 20:06

We moved house when I was 11, it was the third time we'd moved as a family since I was born. My parents moved again when I was at uni, but that particular house still feels like my.growing up home. There are good points and bad points to moving lots as a child, just as there are to staying put. From my experience, and that of my elder siblings, I think moves during teen years can be harder but ultimately it's family and love which build a secure childhood.

OP I hope you enjoy your new home, I think your children will have had a good mix: they've built some understanding that houses change yet family remains and now they will hopefully have a settled place to.live as they move towards teens and adulthood.

nooka · 03/08/2015 20:07

Ah, well in that case I think you should let go of this particular concern. Your children may have little interest in the things you think are important (like tree houses or fruit trees), but I'm sure they will very much enjoy getting to decorate their rooms. I know that for us after even a couple of years of renting it was great to put down roots in a home we knew that we'd be in for a while. Happy nesting!

MidniteScribbler · 04/08/2015 03:54

I lived in over 20 houses in my childhood. "Home" wasn't the bricks and mortar, it was where my family was. In fact, we used to call our annual holiday to a certain destination as 'going home' as it was where we had our happiest memories.

CheerfulYank · 04/08/2015 04:21

I think it just depends on what you want. :) My BIL and his wife built on the family farm land as soon as they could. To me, that is odd. It was where he was born; he is within sight of his parents house, the one he lived in most of his life. (They had a brief stint in a smaller place until they had enough money to build.) But it's what he wanted and they seem happy. I know a couple with three adult daughters (all in their late twenties/early thirties) who all live at home. The daughters all plan to move out someday but would, they said, be devastated if their parents sold the place.

When I was 8 years old we moved 1000 miles away from the town I was born in. I remember things before I was eight but I don't remember the house really. We then lived in a rented trailer for two years before moving into a decrepit two story log cabin, which my parents eventually fixed up into a stunning place. That was 23 years ago and they live there still. Again, I remember things that happened between the ages of 8-10 of course but I don't remember the trailer really.

When (if) my parents move I'll be a bit sad I suppose, but I won't dwell on it. When I think ofy childhood home, it's always the place we moved when I was ten. They would probably stay there forever, but would like to be closer to my DC.

We might stay in this house while the children are growing up, of we can renovate enough to make it work. But I don't know if I want to stay here forever. I'd like a very small cottage someday.

So I guess (sorry, I'm rambling) I think there are good things about having a solid home growing up and good things about moving around and experiencing a lot. It just depends on what you want. As long as your kids are safe and loved, you're fine. :)

CheerfulYank · 04/08/2015 04:22

*of my

Good luck OP :)

Imlookingatboats · 04/08/2015 05:53

We haven't bought ours yet and our kids will be teens in a few years. Never mind houses, they've lived in 4 countries so far.

NewFlipFlops · 04/08/2015 06:11

It is a relatively new concept from reality TV. It had no existence in public consciousness until property shows came along. It's a bit like the One, another bizarre notion.

Your children won't miss a forever home. I reminisce fondly about one place I lived that had ice inside the windows Smile

ditherydora · 04/08/2015 06:25

I lived in about 7 houses by the time I was 7. One of those was our "forever" house but because of my dad's job we weren't living there all the time. on balance I think it was nice having lots of different memories of different places

AnUtterIdiot · 04/08/2015 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnUtterIdiot · 04/08/2015 07:59

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HPsauciness · 04/08/2015 08:18

Although I agree with everyone that the 'forever' house concept is quite an insidious one, on the other hand, if you have the chance to move from rental into owning your own home, especially if you know where you want to live, then that is a fantastic opportunity for you.

I rent, and the worst thing about it is the uncertainty of never knowing if you can stay another year, and always being on the alert that your home is about to be taken away from you. It's not quite the same as moving for an even better job, it's not within your power, you are just dependent on someone else's decisions for where you live, which is a bigger part of security than some people on this thread seem to be acknowledging.

I think it's good to develop resilience but there's a heap of difference moving because someone in the household has a different job and because your landlord is selling and wants you out.

I hope you find an amazing house to buy, OP, whether or not it is a 'forever' home.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/08/2015 08:28

My parents bought their "forever" house when I was 9 and my brother 7, we moved area too. I never really developed much fondness for it, but then I didn't for the one before it either, I'll miss it when it goes, but not that much. I actually have a lot more yearning for my grandparents house, which was sold about 15 years ago, that really was a special place to me. I think children just adapt and get on with it, memories are more about people, places visited, birthday parties etc than bricks and mortar.

RedDaisyRed · 04/08/2015 08:52

My parents stayed in their house for about 50 years and both died (literally) in the house so it was quite a job for us to clear it, but I don't like this modern idea of a "forever home", even the phrase grates on me for some reason. Is it something to do with the adjective forever being used before home. First of all forever means forever not just the 50 years until you die so it is grammatically inaccurate, plain wrong. Also is forever actually an adjective at all? Is that why the use grates on me and feels uneducated and wrong as a phrase? I cannot think of another set of words where we use forever as an adjective so people using the term are ni effect walking around with a big sign on their face saying I am not very bright and I cannot use English properly. You could say "This is the home in which I intend to live until I die". I will allow them to use that sentence.

littlejohnnydory · 04/08/2015 09:13

I grew up in the house where my parents live. They moved there when I was three years old. I've got no attachment to the house, rarely visit it and don't think I'd mind if I never went there again.

Coconutty · 04/08/2015 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzylou · 04/08/2015 09:19

We moved into this house when dc were 7 and 9, I can't envisage us leaving here before dc leave home, but who knows?
Stop worrying op and enjoy your new house Thanks

thebestfurchinchilla · 04/08/2015 09:21

I think you are being very sentimental and romantic and I am very romantic and sentimental!! I hate the thought of classing a house as a "forever house', nobody knows where their life will take them and I rather like that thought. I'd find it quite depressing to say 'right this is where we stay till we die!!' Your chn will have a wonderful childhood if you love them and have lovely family times together regardless of how many moves they make. Be careful that you don't project your misgivings on to them.

Smudgeandpudge · 04/08/2015 09:26

This is a non-issue if ever I saw one!

LiegeAndLief · 04/08/2015 10:12

I lived in 12 different houses as a child and can remember them all to some extent from about the age of 5. I had no attachment to any of them and don't put much store in bricks and mortar. I think you may be guilty of over-romanticising (in a rather lovely way).

LiegeAndLief · 04/08/2015 10:14

Oh and I had also moved schools ten times by the time I was 11. It was honestly fine! I felt like I had a very secure childhood - a loving family is by far the biggest influence on a child's life.

Roomba · 04/08/2015 10:49

My parents didn't move into their 'forever house' until I was 19 and had just left for uni. Their house is still where I think of as 'home' though. They'd been trying to sell their old house for over ten years, so the aim was for me to grow up there but obviously it never happened.

It's funny though, when I have dreams, I am usually in my childhood hood (from age 6-18) but sometimes the rooms are the rooms in my parents current home, if that makes any sense at all? It's clearly somewhere in my subconscious as somewhere safe and home-ish, even though I've never lived there full time myself.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/08/2015 10:50

I like your name LiegeAndLief Smile.

My DCs have (so far, at 9 and 11) grown up in one house, which is not a "forever" house, it's ust that we aren't inclined to move as we are happy enough where we are. Howvere, nearly everyone we know with DCs the same age seems to have moved house at least once when their DCs were somewhere between the ages of about 5 and 10. I don't know anyone who speaks about their "forever house" in real life, by contrast I have known people to move with a definite view to moving again in a few years, so perhaps that's the difference. Anyway, I do think children take it all in their stride.

BertieBotts · 04/08/2015 11:36

I think I know what you mean, TheHouse. I mean, I suspect the concept is a bit of a load of rubbish these days even if it was achievable in the past, but we had DC before we were really in a financially secure place and I feel quite touchy/worried about it occasionally. On the other hand I think it's interesting for DS to get to experience it but yeah, sometimes I wish that we had a stable home that we could do crazy things to, our own space to customise if that makes sense. My parents used to have a wall where they recorded our heights at different ages, just silly things like that. I know I could buy a height chart but it's not the same.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 11:40

Bertie yes to wanting a wall for heights! Little things like that matter to me.

The graffiti I put inside a cupboard in 1977 is still there in my Mum's house.

OP posts:
SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 04/08/2015 11:46

Well, OP, since there's no way you can change the lives your children have lived up to this point, why on earth are you wasting your energy worrying about it? You are going to move them into a lovely home now, they will be there for hopefully many years and will build a fantastic stock of memories. Why look back with regret when you should be looking ahead with excitement?