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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if any of you didn't move into your "forever house" till' the DC were older?

130 replies

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 14:52

I hate that term....it seems overly romantic but I get the meaning of it. Basically we're going to be moving into a home forever within a year and our DC will be 7 and 11.

I wish they could have grown up in one house but it's not been possible. We've had two rentals...well within their memory! One was for 9 years and this one has been just over a year.

Will they have just as secure a childhood memory? Did your DC like the new house? Tell me your stories if you rented or moved about for any reason.

They've always had the same school which is nice...that never changed.

OP posts:

soverylucky · 03/08/2015 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllThereIs · 03/08/2015 16:02

Good grief, something else I am doing wrong.

Sighing · 03/08/2015 16:12

My parents moved into their forever home in 2009. I am nearly 40.
(It literally has a forever/ adaptable home certificate).

JustBeingJuliet · 03/08/2015 16:19

Ds is 9 and we have lived in 7 houses to date, as we rented a lot. Bought this house 7 months ago, and I'm planning on it being the last move I ever do (well, until I need a bungalow!), unless the area goes down the pan, my neighbours turn into the neighbours from hell, or I win the lottery! I don't think it'll do him any lasting damage, in fact I think it's made him realise that nothing can be taken for granted.

merrymouse · 03/08/2015 16:19

My parents live in the house I grew up in - but the area has changed a lot since then (as you would expect in 20 years). It isn't my home, it is their home. My home is where I live now. My childhood home is back in the 70's and 80's - it doesn't exist anymore, but that is fine - it would be very spooky and weird if nothing had changed.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 03/08/2015 16:22

My parents still live in the house I was adopted into as a baby, and my in-laws live in the house they moved to when DH was about 5.

DS1 on the other hand is living in his 5th house I think and he's only 7! He was born in the USA, then we did 2 rentals on our return to the UK, and are now on our 2nd purchase.

This actually could be our 'forever home'. It's reasonably sized, with potential for extension and renovation, next to open countryside and near(ish) to decent schooling.

The boys were 4 and 7 when we moved in. They'd miss their friends if we moved but not the bricks and mortar at all.

NewLife4Me · 03/08/2015 16:27

My 3 dc have lived in a combination of houses, one of them has only lived in this house.
One particular move was about 250 miles when they were 9 and 6, from country village to huge town.
They settle fine, make new friends and meet new challenges. It's good for them and they still mention previous house in stories now at nearly 24 and 20.
Memories are what you did and how you felt, they are non tangible.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 03/08/2015 16:31

This
I think you're looking for stuff to stress about tbh

and also this
However, when I think of the millions of children in the world who have no homes, or ramshackle homes, or homes where they're not safe, then my sympathy for the ones who didn't spend their whole childhoods in one nice safe place dwindles considerably.

AuntyMag10 · 03/08/2015 16:32

I've moved countries and my kids are well adjusted and very happy. It's not about the house, it's about the home you make it to be. Wanting the perfect 'forever' home really means nothing if the people that live there aren't happy. Agree with Saucy as well.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2015 16:33

We're completely happy in our current house; but I'd feel mildly depressed at the notion that'll we'll be here forever... Mind you, I've lived in four countries as an adult; so maybe I was just born with itchy feet.
"Dunromin" is for pensioners.

OrangeVase · 03/08/2015 16:35

Interesting concept. I grew up in the house where my elderly mother still lives. I was happy there but very keen to leave as soon as I was old enough.

My kids have lived until teens in this house and we are leaving before Christmas. I am far more cut up about it than they are. I just want to settle and stay but they are quite excited about moving.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 03/08/2015 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife · 03/08/2015 16:36

plant things in pots and take them with you.

security isnt about the four walls it is much more than that.
memories can be made in more than one house.

resilience is important too.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 03/08/2015 16:38

I moved when I was 11 the other side of the country. My parents are still there and I still call it 'home'.

NotReallyAPrincess · 03/08/2015 16:48

DP is like this - his parents have lived in the same house for 40 years & he was really sad when he moved into his own place, where we now live together. Me, I've lived in 10 different properties - 3 with my family and several rented flats after moving out. We're polar opposites in this - he's really reluctant to move again despite our current place being too small for us, whereas I like the excitement of a new place!

I really don't think children are in any way damaged by moving home.

RiceBurner · 03/08/2015 16:49

We still haven't got a "forever home"! (And we are now retired!)

Our next move, (next year), will be our "retirement" home, (without the kids), and even then, I sort of think it won't be the last place we will live. (Penultimate move, probably.)

Our 3 kids grew up on the move, in company provided houses/flats, in various countries abroad, changing schools after a few yrs, with no extended family nearby, and then sent to UK boarding schools alone.

I do acknowledge that they have no proper roots, no one place where they grew up, where they will bump into ppl they know etc. So it's a price they had to pay for our way of life, But I don't think they have missed out too much. And as plenty of kids in the world grow up in war and/or extreme poverty/sadness, I consider my kids to be (overall) still VERY lucky. (As we can't have everything perfect in our life!) And I think/hope there were some compensations. (Eg They are more independent and not phased by travel/new places.)

So I think you are a bit over worried OP? And you still have plenty of time for your DC to settle/enjoy their new home/make happy childhood memories! (Too late for mine ... grown up and left home yrs ago!)

HTH

Minicaters · 03/08/2015 17:02

A house move here or there doesn't define a childhood. My parents moved when I was 12. It's just a normal thing to do. I liked the house I grew up in from age 2-12 more than the one we moved to , probably for sentimental reasons, but it's just a house.

I think we are just coming from very different places on this. I really admire parents who move countries with DC and give them experience of actually living in different cultures. I think it's such a gift to have that broad experience. Whereas I've never aspired to stay in the same house for decades, it's just never occurred to me as beneficial to children. And I think the whole 'forever house' thing was invented by Kirstie and Phil.

whois · 03/08/2015 17:02

Yes I think to probably will have damaged your children really badly not to have been born into their forever home :-( poor wee mites.

nooka · 03/08/2015 17:05

My mother recently sold our family home, where they lived for almost 45 years, and where me and one of my sisters were born (oh and my grandparents lived there before then). It was kind of sad to say goodbye to the house, but we didn't want to live there ourselves (my father asked me and my siblings if we wanted it). Growing up I rather envied friends who moved houses, it seemed a very exciting idea to me :)

dh and I are on our eighth house and third country and starting to get itchy feet. We did have a few years with a lot of moving which was a bit disruptive (three countries, three school systems, and I think seven homes in three years!) so it was important to stay put for a while after that, but we've been in our current home/area for over six years now. I think we'll not move again until our children are at university in four years or so, but they have both said they'd be OK with another move if dh and I got the jobs for it.

yearofthegoat · 03/08/2015 17:13

Interesting thread. I didn't move as a child and find memories are blurred, whereas DH, who moved every 2 years until he was 14, can remember events and dates more clearly by thinking about where he lived at the time.

Rollermum · 03/08/2015 17:18

Oh god, we rent a tiny flat with no garden, so if this is true I'm really going to screw up my children. We can't afford to buy and maybe never will.

Bonsoir · 03/08/2015 17:20

"forever house" is a ridiculous media-generated term (a bit like "investment dressing). Why would anyone want to move into a house and know that that was it and that nothing was ever going to change?

Getthewonderwebout · 03/08/2015 17:27

Moved in to our forever house when DC were young. Turned out it wasn't forever.

Idyllic is a personal thing. Don't hinge your future on it. Move to where you want. It might be forever. But you can't plan for it. Unless you have a crystal ball.

Getthewonderwebout · 03/08/2015 17:29

Oh and Phil and kirstie invested that term. You need to stop watching them. Kirstie thinks home made baubles and empire lines are what makes the world go round.

Getthewonderwebout · 03/08/2015 17:29

Invented, not invested!

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