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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if any of you didn't move into your "forever house" till' the DC were older?

130 replies

TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 14:52

I hate that term....it seems overly romantic but I get the meaning of it. Basically we're going to be moving into a home forever within a year and our DC will be 7 and 11.

I wish they could have grown up in one house but it's not been possible. We've had two rentals...well within their memory! One was for 9 years and this one has been just over a year.

Will they have just as secure a childhood memory? Did your DC like the new house? Tell me your stories if you rented or moved about for any reason.

They've always had the same school which is nice...that never changed.

OP posts:
OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 03/08/2015 17:31

I don't think in terms of 'forever home' but I do wish we were more settled. DS is five and has lived in three rented houses. I long for a garden instead of a yard and maybe a semi-detached instead of terraces. I don't think it's going to affect his childhood, because we've stayed in the same area.

blueshoes · 03/08/2015 18:05

We moved into our forever house when dcs were 9 and 6 and are likely to live there until dh and I retire and the children flown the coop. We live in a road of forever houses (4 beds+). So many of the owners are either elderly with grown up children. They then cash in and sell their houses to people with dcs who are already in school.

We lived in a road of intermediate houses (3 beds) prior to this. The people who lived there were mainly young parents with babies and older who moved out when their dcs were school age.

I lived in one house all my life when growing up. My dcs are lived in 3. Makes no difference. So long as they are with their parents and moves not too frequent, it should not be an issue.

32percentcharged · 03/08/2015 18:16

I lived in one house until I moved away as an adult, and I think I'm far less confident about coping with changes than my children, who have moved several times and lived in different places. Try looking at it that way. Children need security from
Their parents, but actually learning resilience through the things that are actually changeable is a really valuable quality. I know some adults who seriously struggle with things like moving away from their home town (I'm not that bad; I don't think I'm as confident as my children but I certainly don't feel I need to live in the locality I was raised) so I think it's worth looking at the wider picture. Your kids will benefit in ways that you probably can't even see yet

chippednailvarnish · 03/08/2015 18:24

So OP do you think people who can't afford their "now" home let alone their "forever" home are damaging their DC's? You know the people stuck renting, who have more chance of owning a flying pig, than a fruit tree.

You sound like you need an introduction to the world that most people live in, opposed cloud cuckoo land where you currently live.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 03/08/2015 18:32

OTOH I know adults who grew up in their idea of what was their 'forever' home and then started to get very arsey and entitled when, years after moving out, their parents repurposed 'their' bedrooms or even Shock sold the house.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 18:34

Chipped oh do Fuck off. I'm forty three and live in a council flat! I've just had a windfall. Very unexpected. I know ALL about the real world you rude person.

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Bonsoir · 03/08/2015 18:35

I agree, 32percent. I don't think spending your whole childhood in a single home is great preparation for life and all the opportunities it offers.

Happy36 · 03/08/2015 18:36

We moved recently; the children are 4 and 7 (haven´t ruled out having 1 or 2 more). This house would be fine for "forever" but wouldn´t mind moving again either. I am not very attached to houses, moved a lot when I was a child, just like to have a bed and a shower really and be with my loved ones.

chippednailvarnish · 03/08/2015 18:39

You can swear at me and call me rude, but you can't answer my question can you OP?

SaucyJack · 03/08/2015 18:39

Chipped- the OP is a regular who's often posted about the issues she has with the neighbours in her council flat. I don't think they live a privileged life (!)

OP- just to and relax and enjoy it your new place. Are you going to get your garden now?

SaucyJack · 03/08/2015 18:39

*just try

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 03/08/2015 18:41

I still have not moved into it and my kids are 26 and 24 and have flown the nest. The next house will be the forever one.

tvlover1234 · 03/08/2015 18:43

We bought a 3/4 bed house before having kids for this reason. I feel the same. I always live din the same house until I was 18 and was very sad when we moved house! My boyfriend has always lived in the same house too and he feels the same.

I get where you're coming from but I think if your children won't know any different then they probably wouldn't get attached like us xx

HeyDuggee · 03/08/2015 18:50

I've lived in a few houses as a kid and what I remember is the thrill of moving to a nicer house. By nicer (as a kid) that could've meant own room / bigger yard/ liked the colour of the house more/wider hallway/ smaller nooks to hide in. Kids are positive creatures Grin

What was much more traumatic was being at uni and parents selling the last house I lived in with them. I felt very uprooted. Once I finished school and rented my own flat, it didn't matter so much (they moved a couple of more times in next decade).

IAmAPaleontologist · 03/08/2015 18:56

I hate th "forever home" thing. It is such a Phil and kirstie concept. In reality people move home all the time for a bigger home, a smaller home, because they fancy a project or because they have to relocate. Renting ends up meaning more moves because event goes up or landlords decide to sell.

Ds1 was born in one flat. We moved I with bil for a little bit after that and then to another rental. Landlord wanted to put the rent up a stupid amount so we moved to another rental where did was born. After a little over a year there we bought the house we live in now and where ds2 was born. We've been here 6 years now and it is on the market as we want to move to a bit of a project over the road which will give us more space. It might not be the forever home either, we certainly won't have the intention of moving but who knows what will happen in the future?

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:20

I'm not fond of it either IAm and I did say that in my OP...in fact I've only ever heard it on MN!

I feel that living in one house all my life, having read people's experiences on here...did affect me in some negative ways. I didn't take change well at all as a child and still don't!

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Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:22

Well Chipped I don't know the answer to your question which is why I came here asking for other's experiences.

I have been in shit rentals since I was 18...now 43. So...having always been low income, the chance to own is a shock and a surprise.

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formerbabe · 03/08/2015 19:26

Gosh...what a first world problem...

Laquitar · 03/08/2015 19:32

Tbh i feel the same - but not for my dcs. for myself.
We bought late after many years of renting and i moved too many times so when we bought our first (and last) house i decided i never want to see removal boxes, never ever again.
I just wanted a permanent house after 40 years of not having one, and no the stress of selling, buying, moving, decorating.
It is far from perfect house by the way.
The children dont go through the stress of estate agencies, and solicitors. I think it only affects them if the reason for moving was traumatic (like in my case).
So i think you are over thinking a bit but i do see your point as i am a sentimental person too.

i think some of the other side posts like 'bonsoir's ' are more funny tbh.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:33

Babe sorry my issue isn't third world enough for you. Now why don't you go and type the same comment on all of the other frivolous posts on MN? You might be doing it for a VERY long time though.

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formerbabe · 03/08/2015 19:41

I've moved a couple of times since my dc were born...It has never once occurred to me that it would affect their childhood memories...like another poster said earlier, I think you are looking for stuff to stress about.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:46

Well we all worry about different things don't we Babe.

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Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:46

This has always worried me...it's not a new worry.

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nooka · 03/08/2015 19:49

OP it sounds as if it's more likely to be your issue than your children's. As parents we feel bad if we don't give our children an idealised childhood, and it sounds like you've lived in places that you'd rather have not exposed your children to. Having moved around a bit I've come to the conclusion that it's not where you live but who you live with that matters.

That said enjoy your new home. I'm sure that you and your children will appreciate it much more having lived in some more difficult circumstances than if they'd lived there all their lives.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 03/08/2015 19:56

Nooka I suspect you're right to a point. We haven't exposed them to any bad places though...our rentals have been "nice enough". I know I called them shitty but that was more a ref to not being able to decorate as we wanted etc.

OP posts: