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Not feeding guests?

424 replies

ReginaFelangi · 02/08/2015 21:14

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

OP posts:
catsmother · 03/08/2015 06:10

Astoundingly rude - especially since the 'no food and drink' bomb was dropped after (presumably) many guests would have booked accommodation, arranged babysitters and so on.

If you're that broke, you don't organise a party - unless, perhaps, you are completely upfront with all invitees right from the get go and maybe agree that everyone chips in with a dish and a bottle in lieu of presents and 'posh' bloody bottles of champagne.

This couple must really rate themselves to show such arrogance - the idea that people they are supposedly close to and 'care' about are all in such awe of being invited to their 'special' party that they're more than happy to spend a significant amount of time and money to get there as well as bringing along a fecking present - yet conversely those guests mean so little to the 'hosts' (and I use that term lightly) that they can't even be arsed to provide the bare bones of sustenance for them. Unless you are brassick (see above) there are any number of 'budget' solutions which would be perfectly acceptable.

I wouldn't go - sod them. I'd actually prefer to lose money on any hotel I'd booked than show up and effectively enable/condone their arrogant rude attitude ..... maybe if everyone adopted a similar stance it might get through to them how selfish and entitled they're being. To 'expect' posh gifts on top of doing nothing to make their 'guests' feel welcome - presumably because they've heavily hinted about this - is gobsmacking. Trouble is, if a good number of people turn up they'll think they've done nothing wrong - or at least congratulate themselves for 'getting away with' being shockingly rude. Something like this - with the background you've provided - would really make me think very hard about whether I continued to count these people as 'friends'.

Sallystyle · 03/08/2015 06:14

Just to be clear, not providing drunks is fine

I dunno. I think providing some drunks could be fun Grin

ScrambledEggAndToast · 03/08/2015 06:28

So cheeky Shock I would be embarrassed to ask people to come to a 'party' like this.

Timetoask · 03/08/2015 06:33

Lol at "take toilet paper just in case" ????????????

Timetoask · 03/08/2015 06:33


Timetoask · 03/08/2015 06:34

Oh!!! Those are supposed to be laughs Grin

Mamadothehump · 03/08/2015 06:50

We were invited to a 30th like this. On the invitation we were informed to "Bring your own drink and don't forget your wallets for the burger van in the car park". Seriously!! Funnily enough, we declined.

Hissy · 03/08/2015 07:18

Why on earth is your dh doing this? Do they have something on him? Know where a body is buried? You're driving hundreds of miles, paying your own accommodation for no fee and they are not even feeding you.

If your h gets a booking request for that day, take it. The party will be lame and you're not a charity.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/08/2015 07:27

Are you gifting them 'nice champagne'?

I think there's going to be a lot of pissed off faces once the penny drops that no substantial food is going to appear at all during the evening.

Their assumption that this is going to be alright on the night is laughable , are they usually so arrogant and cheap?

StealthPolarBear · 03/08/2015 07:38

Yes zilly "I predict a riot"
"There's a man works down the chip shop swears he's elvis" never mind elvis did someone mention CHIPS?

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 03/08/2015 07:45

Can't imagine how fun it will be for guests to turn up to an empty room. And even less so for the hosts when everyone disappears to get a take away as they're starving.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 03/08/2015 07:49

Somebody needs to say something to them, this is terrible bad manners. If a significant number of people boycott the gathering then hopefully the penny will drop.

My bil is similar, he invited me to his for lunch except he sat on the sofa and ate while I watched. His family Sat there stuffing their faces without offering me anything. I couldn't quite believe it at first, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Yet they usually elbow their way to the buffet table first at social events. The greedy, grabby scumbags.

Phoenix0x0 · 03/08/2015 07:54

Are they wanabe teenagers again?

I remember going to house parties as a teenager, where we had to bring a bottle. No one cared, as we were all pissed on diamond white/thunderbirds/ Lambrusco after one drink!

Seriously though, never ever been to a party where NOTHING was provided to the guests!

CuttingOutTheCrap · 03/08/2015 08:03

Dh and I went to a wedding a bit like this; ten years on it's still referred to as 'the wedding with no food' by people who attended!

ohtheholidays · 03/08/2015 08:26

My family(Mum and Dad,Aunts and Uncles,My big brother) are like Lovelyspread family.

When ever anyone has a party,celebration what ever it's for and how ever many were going,we all always chip in,I usually bring the most but I really enjoy cooking and helping out.My Dad's side of the family and my Mum are all well known for providing enough food and drink to fuel an army.

I've never heard of anyone not providing food for a party,my side of the family always provides all the drinks,soft and alcohol as well,but I know that can work out really expensive,so we always take money with us incase it's a cash bar.

Baddz · 03/08/2015 08:30

They just want loads of cash/gifts don't they?
How grabby and sad.
I wouldn't be going op!

Flaperon · 03/08/2015 08:32

I went to a wedding once where we were the only evening guests and there was no food. Luckily, the kitchen took pity on us and made us some food but I was livid. It had cost us £££ to stay there, we had to take two days off work because it was on a bloody Tuesday and 200 miles away. Very bad manners. I wish I'd refused but some of DH's family insisted on going.

Timetodrive · 03/08/2015 08:33

My family is not the richest so all family members do their signature dish (mine is a ploughmans), but this is well arranged in advance and all other attendees do not bring anything. Always in a pub function room with a paying bar and those who attend would expect this. I was asked to bring food once and turned up with two slow cookers full of chicken biryani curry that the host grabbed off me and paraded as her own and quickly scoffed by other guest and we sat there looking like scrounges with nothing.

DinosaursRoar · 03/08/2015 08:42

oh OP, I would suddenly find your DCs are ill that week and you are all coming down with the same thing. Cancel your hotel now to see if you can get your money back.

They are piss takers and your DH is going to have a terrible time trying ot entertain a sober, hungry, grumpy, bored crowd - just leave it.

purplepandas · 03/08/2015 08:45

Unbelievable. I would not want to go either. That is beyond fucking cheeky. No presents at all and I would possibly find an excuse not to go (last minute illness).

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2015 08:47

We went to a wedding evening fo about 250 miles away once. Ceremony and lunch were immediate family only due to bride's ill health.

We paid for drinks. At 9 pm when it became obvious there was no food provided, there was a mass exodus to the chippy and pub, leaving the poor wedding party wondering where all the guests had gone.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 03/08/2015 08:57

I'd email / text and ask them outright. 'Can I just check something? From your email it seems that there won't be any food or drink at the party. Is this right?'
If they say yes I'd reply that they need to schedule my husband's entertainment later on in the evening so we could make sure that having travelled 180 miles and staying in a hotel we had been able to get something to eat beforehand.
Or do you know them well enough OP to say 'I think that's s mistake. You've got people travelling hundreds of miles and staying in hotels, you need to give them proper food and at least access to buy drinks'

perpetuallybewildered · 03/08/2015 08:57

I've experienced two similar parties. One was the evening 'party' after an afternoon wedding. It was held in a hall with a limited bar so we could buy wine/beer/soft drinks which is fair enough but there wasn't so much as a crisp laid on. The next afternoon they had family and *close friends' to an afternoon BBQ with more food than they could eat. Very mean and very obviously a means to get more gifts (cash of course).

Next was a 40th party where nothing was provided. There was a huge cake, cut with much fuss and many photos, so we were looking forward to that but no, it was whisked away and we spent the evening gnawing on our knuckles. There was of course, absolutely no acknowledgement of the gifts we had taken with us.

I just don't understand why people do this.

Sigma33 · 03/08/2015 09:19


Have been to a wedding party where everyone was asked to provide something (food or entertainment) and there was a cash bar - but this was known up front, couple not well off, no presents expected and room to pitch your tent. That was When I Was Young of course... and a great party was had.

And a wedding with a cash bar, but food provided and a couple of bottles of wine per table to get things going.

Nothing provided AND presents????

My my....

WizardOfToss · 03/08/2015 09:24

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