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Not feeding guests?

424 replies

ReginaFelangi · 02/08/2015 21:14

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

OP posts:
kissmethere · 02/08/2015 23:46

This has to be a joke. Seriously no food, no drink? What are they thinking?

kissmethere · 02/08/2015 23:47

I wouldn't go

BreconBeBuggered · 02/08/2015 23:49

Do you know anyone with a chip van who could park outside? You could probably negotiate a share of the profits.

iwanttobeanonymous · 02/08/2015 23:51

Relatives of dh's held a "non party" a few years ago. There was a "pay bar" which I guess was fair enough but they decided not to do food because people would have already eaten. Then we heard that instead of entertainment they were collecting tat items to auction for charity we decided not to go!!!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 02/08/2015 23:52

Is there going to be music? Take one of those plastic kazoo's you get in Peppa Pig magazine.

thenumberseven · 03/08/2015 00:05

Brecon what a brilliant idea!

Summerisle1 · 03/08/2015 00:05

Even if your husband is Alastair McGowan, I still wouldn't rate his chances attempting to entertain a crowd of starving, thirsty people who have been summoned to present themselves at this village hall. Still, at least they won't be able to throw tomatoes at him....

thenumberseven · 03/08/2015 00:10

Grin people would have already eaten
I had an uncle like this, when we visited as children he'd say to my aunt not to bring out milk and biscuits as he was sure we'd already eaten.
Thing is my aunt was a very generous person but in the end became a little like him Sad

thenumberseven · 03/08/2015 00:12

Your poor husband has his work cut out

Purplevicki · 03/08/2015 00:16

Cracking thread.

Can't wait for the updates.

Zillie77 · 03/08/2015 00:18

Is it possible that this party is in actuality a psychological experiment being run by some sadistic graduate student?

"The Effects of Hunger and Thirst on Unsuspecting Anniversary Partygoers at an Average Village Hall Event Run By Very Cheap People,"

It will end up published in The Annals of Terrible Research Ideas or some such journal.

Happy36 · 03/08/2015 00:19

What are they providing? Will there be glasses, plates, cutlery, napkins?

Perhaps the guests should meet at a nearby pub to line their stomachs before heading on to down their off-licence purchases straight out of the bottle (perhaps the bottles should be wrapped in brown paper bags for extra effect).

whatsoever · 03/08/2015 00:27

I think it's fine to have this kind of party if you're skint but the invite needs to call it a "bring and share supper" or similar, and not a party.

To me party implies there will be drinks and food provided. Otherwise it's just a venue with people in. Hungry and thirsty people.

ReginaFelangi · 03/08/2015 00:29

It's more like 180 miles each way for us so even if I did know someone with a chip can I doubt they'd do it.

Although I'm thinking my camping fridge may well become worth its weight in gold!

OP posts:
ReginaFelangi · 03/08/2015 00:33

I don't believe they're badly off. Both work, and they've had a couple of inheritance "windfalls" (for want of a better word) in the last year or so. They've just had a very naice holiday abroad.

Actually you've made me think. Our DCs are a similar age. About 8 months ago they came to stay and I sorted out meals etc. Our spare room has been out of action since (we work from home so turned it into an office) but every time they come down they're disappointed about staying with other friends (they only give a few days notice which isn't enough for work etc). I wonder if it's because they get it all for free here.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 03/08/2015 00:37

If I was going to a party and paying accommodation and for my own food and drink the 'hosts' would be getting sod all presents

WallyBantersJunkBox · 03/08/2015 00:43

I think you are right about your hosting op.

They are tighter than a gnats chuff and bum hole.

kissmethere · 03/08/2015 01:11

They're f ing tight that's what it is. How many are going? I would be very curious as to how many go in the end.
I have a couple of tightwad friends and I dont think this is even in their league.

kissmethere · 03/08/2015 01:15

My belly is rumbling just reading your post. If I was skint and couldn't host a decent party, even with basics like nibbles and some drinks I'd cancel and celebrate the anniversary with a home cooked dinner and a bottle.
Very poor show on them.

guzzlewump · 03/08/2015 01:59

How many guests going do you know?

If you know a fair few, I reckon you should discuss this with them and agree that in lieu of taking expensive champagne, you each take a plate of food so that there's food available.

Not only will it be cheaper for everyone but you can all turn up and be all faux sympathetic to the hosts about being sorry for them not being able to host a proper party and that you knew they'd want to have done so really as, after all, what do they want loads of bottles of wine (deliberately not mentioning fizz!) for when they can't even have food, as obviously everybody loves to have food at a party, who eats before a party?!?'.

As pp have said, there are times when it's fine to have a party and not provide food or drink. However having a big anniversary celebration when people will gave paid lots to get there and stay overnight, to have not been up front about this in the beginning (or indeed it sounds like they weren't forthcoming about the food at all so many could have arrived expecting food) and guests probably not in a position to eat beforehand easily (it's a pain to go a long way to a party and fit in going out for a meal too). However this doesn't seem to be one of them.

chubbleigh · 03/08/2015 02:07

So if your other half goes lame for some reason and therefore no entertainment, what then? Will someone put the radio on?

Once turned down a wedding invitation after being told we were bumped from the reception, just church and evening. Said to my other half "sorry love, don't care if he is your mate, not taking holiday, driving 100's of miles, getting dressed up, and bringing a present if I'm not at least getting fed and being given a drink" He agreed, he just wanted me to be the one to say it.

Generous hospitality / giving of gift - is a universally understood social contract since the dawn of civilisation.

Something for nothing doesn't cut it. No bottles of bubbly for these cheapsters.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 03/08/2015 02:27

What exactly has been 'organised'?

Of course they deserve lots of lovely champagne, party planning must have been really hard.

To do list:
Hire room.

Job done! Hmm

ReginaFelangi · 03/08/2015 04:11

I believe 80-100 people are expected, with around a third having to travel more than 100 miles to get there.

OP posts:
umiaisha · 03/08/2015 05:21

The cheek and stinginess of some people never fails to astound me!

If you are hosting party you provide food and drink. You do not ask others to contribute with dishes, bottles etc. if you cannot afford to do it properly, you don't do it!

Before any one starts bashing me there have been many occasions where I haven't been able to throw such a party and so have celebrated another way. You cannot expect others to sponsor your events.

CycleChic · 03/08/2015 06:05

umiaisha the situation here isn't "expecting people to sponsor your event " it's that there isn't much planned for the event.

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