Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be utterly pissed off at how complicated this simple bloody event has been made??

42 replies

GagsTakeOneHome · 02/08/2015 18:12

Dp and I are getting married next May. Our mothers have still not met each other (we've been together 3 years). So because they wanted to meet before the wedding we suggested a meal for me and dp and our respective mothers at the place where we're actually getting married. Sounds simple right?
Well no because dp's mother is insisting on his sister coming ... She wants to bring baby and her hubby. She's also very busy so every date we suggested got turned down due to her schedule. On the other side, my mum wanted his husband to come (the most unsociable and awkward person you've ever met) and then said "oh well, your sister may as well come too?". So by this point I'm starting to get really pissed off ... What started off as a simple meal has turned into a major bloody event. Because of how many people are now involved we've had to reschedual a million times and have now been trying to arrange in for months. Yesterday we settled on (another) date and today my mum said "I asked your grandma if she wanted to come, is that ok?" . I'm really on the edge of telling the lot of them to forget it. We both work full time, we're just as busy as everyone else yet every date we suggest someone is 'busy'. It's getting beyond a joke. It was just supposed to be a small meal so our mothers could meet each other!!!!
AIBU to be getting so round up? The annoying bit about it is that we constantly have both mothers in our ears saying "you've still not arranged that meal!". No because it's bloody impossible that's why!!

OP posts:

OttiliaVonBCup · 02/08/2015 18:15

Blimey.
And you still have the whole wedding to suffer throughplan.

Congratulations on the wedding and commiserations on the impossible relatives.

fastdaytears · 02/08/2015 18:16

It seems like this is snowballing a lot and wouldn't blame you at all for re-thinking it. If the idea was for your mums to meet in an informal, non-stressful way then you need to keep it small and easy. Are they both quite sociable generally?

travailtotravel · 02/08/2015 18:16

Tell them to forget it - its not what was planned. Can you get your mum and his mum to yours for a cup of tea and a piece of cake instead - neither have to know they'll meet the other ... keeps it nice and casual.

I do feel your pain we had something on.

InTheBox · 02/08/2015 18:17

Yesterday we settled on (another) date

You've settled on a date. Great. Now you and your dp settle on a location and time then tell everyone the details. If they can't make it so be it.

These sort of things will get wildly out of control if you don't draw the line somewhere. If there are any more phone calls about changing location, date, time or whatever, say 'No, it's on day x, at location y and at time z', if you can't make it then you can all meet at the wedding.'

Original poster

GagsTakeOneHome · 02/08/2015 18:19

Don't even get me started on that whole wedding planning business. I started off with one bridesmaid ... I was then guilt tripped into asking my sister and his sister. My mum is buying the cake and is going into overdrive nagging me constantly about choosing one. We originally were going to buy suits for the kids and not make a massive fuss ... His mum had insisted we hire matching suits for everyone ... I originally wanted to do a drive thru wedding in Vegas ... Cheap, cheerful, quick and easy ... I wish I had.

OP posts:

penny13610 · 02/08/2015 18:19

This may be why some people elope or have small secret weddings.
Try going back to the just your mums plan.
Good luck and don't let the tension cause problems with DP

prettywhiteguitar · 02/08/2015 18:19

I feel for you my db and his fiancée have been trying to do the sam and they just gave us a date and we all tried to work round it.

Give them a date if some can't come then do the meal anyway and then do another one at Christmas ? Maybe they'll realise they have to stick to the date if they want to come !

ppolly · 02/08/2015 18:20

Give them all each other's email addresses and get them to sort it out themselves. They don't have to meet before the wedding - mine didn't as we knew they had nothing in common- but they still managed to get along on the day. Good luck with all the rest of the plans.

prettywhiteguitar · 02/08/2015 18:20

Don't be swayed ! Just ignore them and say this is what we're doing

OttiliaVonBCup · 02/08/2015 18:23

Find a day that suits your mum and DP's mum, tell the others if you still want to have them, and if they can't make it, tough.

It's your wedding, don't let them bully you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2015 18:24

Give them a date, tell them that's it or never, and if they fuck it up, don't bother rebooking one. Tell them they can meet at the sodding wedding after all, that's IF they can all make it

I really wouldn't let them create this amount of fuss for you, it's not worth it.

There's no real need for them to meet prior to the event, is there? If they've not bothered their arses about it all this time, why worry now?

Hissy · 02/08/2015 18:46

Stick to the date, say that this is for the mums to meet and anyone else wanting to come can do so, but at their cost.

If anyone drops out again, say you're not bothering.

If you want to have a simple wedding, have one! Just stop allowing others to call the shots in your lives.

Booboostwo · 02/08/2015 18:49

Sorry but I think YABU. By marrying you are turning all the close relatives from both sides into a new family. It's not odd that they want to meet each other.

3littlefrogs · 02/08/2015 18:51

Start as you mean to go on.
Arrange the wedding at a date, time and place that suits you.
Invite the people you want to attend.
They can all meet each other at the wedding.
Go wherever you want afterwards - whether its for tea and cake, or down the pub.

Other people have no right whatsoever to tell you what to do for your own wedding arrangements.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2015 18:54

As an aside, I avoided having any of the guilt-trippy nonsense by having no bridesmaids at all. Helped me enormously (and the one I would have had as MOH if I had had any still acted as my RH woman through the day anyway, bless her)

Welshmaenad · 02/08/2015 18:58

Bollocks, booboo. I've been married for six years and my relatives and his relatives do not consider themselves members if one big happy family.

Or at least if they do, I must have missed every single one of my inlaws turning up to support us at my mums funeral. Or anyone taking an interest in my sisters recent PhD. Or one if my BILs bothering to visit us in about 2 years... You get the idea.

cathcustard · 02/08/2015 18:58

YANBU, it all sounds a nightmare.
Could you cancel the whole lunch thing and start again with the afternoon tea idea?
'You won't get to meet properly with all the other relatives such it's just us and our DMs'? Everyone else can meet at the wedding.

sunnydaylucy · 02/08/2015 19:02

YANBU. tell them the date of the meal, book it. Tough if they can't make it.

But then I am not patient & after asking for a guest list (many, many relatives on his side) for our UK wedding we gave up, booked at date in Vegas, with open invite to anyone who wanted to come. Had a fantastic time, haven't ever regretted it!

LittleChinaPig · 02/08/2015 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosieliveson · 02/08/2015 19:09

Oh dear. I think I'd say something had come up and cancel the mega lunch! No one can meet properly when there are that many people anyway.

Just invite the mums to yours for a cup of tea. You can just arrange it separately with each mum then tell then that morning you're combining the two so they can meet. It will save all the fuss and bother.

Good luck.

roundandroundthehouses · 02/08/2015 19:12

I'd go with the afternoon tea for mums only - or, if you can't face cancelling, just the one date, tough if you can't make it, option. YANBU to be annoyed at them steamrollering such a simple and lovely idea.

Don't agree with the 'turning them into a new family' argument. I know that families vary hugely, but I've been with dh for 25 years and our Mums/sisters have only met each other once.

roundandroundthehouses · 02/08/2015 19:13

Rosie has an excellent plan! :)

RiverTam · 02/08/2015 19:13

I would cancel, bring it back to what it was meant to be and tell them any more pissing around and you'll be eloping to Bali or somesuch. Or just elope anyway - I would.

RagstheInvincible · 02/08/2015 19:31

Tell them it's all too complicated what with dates etc. and they'll all meet at the reception. Then go NC with the lot of them.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/08/2015 19:34

oh god, oh god... your op makes me want to sit in a corner and rock....

tell them a date when the dms are free or let them arrange something between themselves without our involvement.

Flip

1 2