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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be just a little bit jealous of my friends house

45 replies

listsandbudgets · 01/08/2015 20:34

with its 8 bedrooms, 3 reception rooms, huge kitchen, 3 bathrooms, massive frontage and garden the side of a field....

I keep telling myself I wouldn't want to clean it!!

But still just a teeny tiny bit jealous especially as ds is still sharing a room with us at the age of 3. We will either have to move or extend but we're not going to afford anything like her house

OP posts:

Passmethecrisps · 01/08/2015 20:35

And think of the constant maintainance. And heating!

Liara · 01/08/2015 20:36

It's not just the cleaning, it's the maintenance too.

Big houses are an enormous amount of work. I am in one now, probably about the size of your friend's, and am looking to seriously downsize to somewhere which won't always need something doing to it!

reddaisy · 01/08/2015 20:36

Move in with her, it sounds so big that she wouldn't even notice

LokiBear · 01/08/2015 20:41

I bet it is lovely and, hopefully, your friend and her family are really happy. However, you need to remember that 'home' is more important than 'house'. I bet your home is full of love, which is way more important. I moved into my 'dream' home a year ago. It is just a 3 bed semi. It is the best that we can afford and If I compared my friends houses drive myself insane!

CrapBag · 01/08/2015 20:45

I honestly wouldn't want a house that big. The bills would be huge and the cleaning and gardening would be non stop.

Focus on what your dream home would be. Mine is a 3/4 bed detached, couple of reception rooms, study, utility, decent enough but low maintenance garden. Nothing too fancy. I'll probably never get it I've compromised with a 3 bed semi with extension so got extra space. I'm very happy with it despite a friend of mine having a huge 4 bedroom victorian house and everyone being envious of it, I honestly wouldn't want it and prefer my own.

Twolefttoes · 01/08/2015 20:54

It's fine to be a teeny bit jealous, very normal!

My dsis lives in a similar house (with cleaner), I just see it as a fab place to visit for the weekend. I don't envy her at all though, she has an incredibly demanding job and a lifestyle that is not for me.

Of course if someone was to offer me a house like that I would snatch their hand off .

mileend2bermondsey · 01/08/2015 21:02

8 bedrooms and only 3 bathrooms? pppfftttt, she's clearly not doing that well.
That's the best I can offer you OP

TheHouseOnBellSt · 01/08/2015 21:04

It will be far too big for her once she hits a certain age.

Getthewonderwebout · 01/08/2015 21:06

Think of her mortgage repayments. You wouldn't want those.

Never be jealous though OP. No-ones life is perfect, and her big house and lovely things are just material. Hopefully she's blissfully happy too, but really the swank is just that.

Ally1234 · 01/08/2015 21:07

It's ok to be a bit jealous but i just think I'd rather have a house that is just enough for our needs and spend all the extra money that your friend will be paying on mortgage/bills/maintaince on holidays and days out with my children x

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 01/08/2015 21:09

She's not swanky. She's the loveliest kindest most gentle person you could imagine and so's her husband. I'm so lucky to have her as a friend.

I hadn't thougth of the bills

OP posts:

ilovechristmas1 · 01/08/2015 21:14

ha ha i wont even consider having a porch put on my house as i just think of it as another room to clean and would just be a dumping ground and never looking tidy

think the same

Kafri · 01/08/2015 21:14

I'd say perfect acceptable to feel a little jealous.

I read somewhere that you should budget to spend around 2% of a property's value in general maintenance each years for that didn't account for big jobs that need doing - it was just the day to day maintenance.

On top of that is the mortgage and household bills - think of all those empty rooms she's paying to heat.

On top of that is the cleaning/tidying of the house. Empty rooms still gather dust.

Doesn't quite appeal so much now does it??

A little extra space is fab - too much is utterly pointless.

maninawomansworld · 02/08/2015 00:37

Maintenance on such properties is horrific.
We live in a 13 bed manor house and it is basically like painting the forth rail bridge. When you finish it, you just go back and start re-doing jobs.

Example, we have redecorated all the bedrooms (not all made up as bedrooms but that's not the point). Last year we got to that last one and this spring I repainted the first one again that was done 2 and a half years ago as it started looking a bit tatty. Soul destroying.

In between this there is the constant outside Maintenance. This year (so far) the bills have been as follows:
Work on roof £6k.
Rebuild of a chimney stack £22k.
Repaint exterior of house and repoint brickwork £2k.

Okay a lot of that stuff is fairly major but a 'normal' year we still usually top £10k on basic stuff after the winter storms (we are quite high up on a hill - great views but house gets battered).

Also, a cleaner and gardener are a must in a big place. Without them the place would be a shit tip.

Moopsboopsmum · 02/08/2015 03:01

I have a beautiful big house, think dream kitchen, stunning garden loads of amazing bathrooms etc. but have to live in a 2 bed flat with no garden in another city because of DH's work. Honestly I prefer the little flat, it means DH can't 'hide' from me and DC and makes us spend family time together in the one reception room! Also heating a huge place costs an absolute fortune not to mention council tax, window cleaning, gardener etc etc etc! Big is not always best.

Spermysextowel · 02/08/2015 03:40

After 7 years my house is exactly as I want it. Not huge, but 4 bed, 3 reception & a kitchen that'll probably outlive me. I honestly think that if I suddenly had millions I'd still live here. I'd get a gardener to tend to my 40' estate, & possibly pay someone to do the ironing.

LaurieMarlow · 02/08/2015 03:53

I've never really understood the desire for a massive house. Apart from the fact it's an obvious signifier of wealth/status.

Upkeep, cleaning, cold/drafty, walking miles to get something in another room, opportunity to accumulate yet more junk.

I'd always opt for something small & cosy.

TerrorAustralis · 02/08/2015 04:15

My parents have a 7 bed house. When we were all living at home there were no empty rooms. And there's a revolving cast of thousands living with them, so many of the bedrooms are often occupied.

But it needs a full time cleaner/gardener to keep on top of everything, which they don't have, so it's often a bit of a tip.

I'd just like somewhere big enough for everyone to have their own bedroom, perhaps a spare bedroom and a study for me (I work at home). A nice little manageable garden would be lovely too.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 02/08/2015 07:03

We are in a 6 bedroom house, which would seem extravagant to some.

If you've got 4DCs and your in-laws living with you, though, in terms of bedrooms, it's the equivalent of a couple with 2 DCs living in a 4 bedroom house.

In fact, I've just realised it isn't equivalent at all, because with that scenario, the family would have a spare bedroom !

No spare bedroom here !

Onecurrantbun · 02/08/2015 07:13

My friends built their own house. IIt's big and absolutely beautiful, honestly like something off the Sims! But, we have a lovely home that we can afford to majntain and keep cosy and we couldn't do that with a house of that size.

Of course it's ok to feel a bit . It doesn't sound like it's an all consuming envy taking over your life!

FurtherSupport · 02/08/2015 07:14

My dream home is a 2 bed detached house with a good sized kitchen and a top end finish, but it doesn't seem to exist

CPtart · 02/08/2015 07:25

We have a nice 4 bed, not massive but big enough for us. However we are semi rural with fields to four sides with a stunning outlook.
My friend 10 mins away has an amazing house. Think 6 beds, cinema room, gym and sauna, huge glass walled kitchen, etc. no mortgage!
I wouldn't swap however. Despite her bling, I sat having a glass of wine in the back garden watching horses a few feet away last night. Priceless.

BeaufortBelle · 02/08/2015 07:27

There's a massive difference between being able to afford to live comfortably in a house like that - gardener, cleaner, maintenance, good up to date furnishings throughout ..................and just struggling and nothing ever being quite right or quite warm enough.

In a smaller house/flat you can always "manage" unless something goes badly wrong - in a house like that it can a be a struggle.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 02/08/2015 07:47

I have a very large period house in the country of similar size to your friends and I do really love it but its very hard work and extremely expensive to maintain - especially the garden and the exterior. I also have a modern, simple, unimpressive little two bed holiday home near my parents and I LOVE its cosiness and simplicity and the fact that when I am there I am forced to live with fewer belongings and less clutter around me - it makes the day much less stressful. Although having to bring up a family in cramped surroundings full time would be equally stressful I suppose.

As the last DC gets ready to go to uni DH and I dream of downsizing to a nice medium sized three or three bedder, detached but modest, somewhere convenient and naice near a Waitrose with a small low maintenance garden and no massive oil tank that eats our money.

I'm glad I've had the 'perfect' house though, its been brilliant to have the space while we had young children, the ability to sit loads of people for dinner at Xmas etc., and the setting is beautiful - I will miss that. But I wont miss the cleaning, the stairs, the bills, the constant ongoing mainenance, the yelling upstairs to people who can't hear me.....

Littleen · 02/08/2015 07:53

I'd want half of that house, and am jealous of anyone who actually has it :P Haha. Don't blame ya!

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