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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be just a little bit jealous of my friends house

45 replies

listsandbudgets · 01/08/2015 20:34

with its 8 bedrooms, 3 reception rooms, huge kitchen, 3 bathrooms, massive frontage and garden the side of a field....

I keep telling myself I wouldn't want to clean it!!

But still just a teeny tiny bit jealous especially as ds is still sharing a room with us at the age of 3. We will either have to move or extend but we're not going to afford anything like her house

OP posts:

BeautifulBatman · 02/08/2015 08:06

A friend of mine has an 8 bedroomed, 12 acred, tennis courted, paddock and stabled, lake with fish in it house. It's beautiful. I house/dog/swan/cat sat for them for 3 weeks. Fuck that. They don't play tennis, keep horses, so there's a waste. It's too big for her to clean by herself with two dcs and before I had a go at him, her dh was too tight to pay for a cleaner. It's freezing most of the time because it's so large and hard to heat. Only 3 of the bedrooms are furnished because they don't have guests to stay very often. Apart from the old servant staircase, all the stairs and doorways are too big for conventional stair gates etc so the dcs spent a lot of time smacking their heads off the fabulous oak flooring when learning to walk and falling over. My current home is a mere 3200 sqft in comparison and it's too bloody big. A big living kitchen is all I want. A room to put all dhs shit man stuff in, and perhaps a play room. They other rooms can be as small and functional as needed.

BeaufortBelle · 02/08/2015 08:49

3200 is quite a chunky house batman.

Oddly we have just moved to about that in our later years. Just outside London. DH wanted a large garden and we are living the space around us and the fact that we drive our cars onto our own land. Certainly couldn't cope with bigger. We have always had enough space even in London and I agree with those who appreciate holidays in small manageable spaces. We just didn't feel ready for uber manageable yet and I wanted somewhere big enough for family Christmases which ate increasingly involving boyfriends/girlfriends.

shewalkslikerihanna · 02/08/2015 08:51

Not too long ago I owned 10 bedrooms, five bathrooms, a swimming pool in 3 houses spread over three countries and two continents. It was great fun but you couldn't take your eye off the ball.
Now I have just my main residence which is more than big enough for me and my husband.
When we go away now we use a hotel.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/08/2015 09:01

I think of houses like handbags, the bigger the bag, the more junk you carry round, and you cant find what you need.

contractor6 · 02/08/2015 11:33

Insurance costs on houses over 6 bedrooms are much much higher
Cosy is nice xx

perplexedpirate · 02/08/2015 11:41

We grew up in a big rambley old place and when someone phoned and asked 'Is x in?' it was a huge pain in the arse to go legging it around, up and down floors to see if they were indeed in the building. We used to joke about having those signs saying Perplexed is In/Out by the door.
That said, we've just bought a similar place but only because mobiles are a thing now!

Getyercoat · 02/08/2015 11:42

It's ok to be jealous without needing to find drawbacks to her house.
Jealousy is a normal human feeling.

MissShunImpossible · 02/08/2015 11:50

maybe...

I wonder does she ever sit down after vacuuming half of it and think "I wish I had a more manageable place like my mate listsandbudgets"

We have what I think is a big house (detached 4 beds) back in the UK, but currently live in a 2 bed city flat. I love how quickly I can do the house work here. It's literally going be twice the time back home!

But if I had a cleaner, I guess I wouldn't care so much

BeaufortBelle · 02/08/2015 12:09

Hmm. In two minds here. Have just moved to a largish house from a large 4 bed townhouse and before that a large 6 bed Victorian Monstrosity. For the first time we have all the space on two floors and there are fewer books and crannies and much more reception space. The mess is seeming to be better absorbed here. Sort of more is less. Eyes steam mop

RachelRagged · 02/08/2015 12:18

Nah, to big for Me .. Does she have lots of children OP ? Or have people come stay a lot ? Cannot even imagine 8 bedrooms .

My dream home would be a Victorian Terrace ,, ,with 3 bedrooms, bath/toilet, dining room looking onto a nice managable garden, living room and nice size Kitchen plus utility rorom .. Would be pretty happy with that.

JackShit · 02/08/2015 12:26

OP: "I feel jealous of my friend's large house."

MN piles in to brag about all their huge properties.

Aussiemum78 · 02/08/2015 12:27

Unless you have at least 5 kids, 8 bedrooms are just wasted space.

A spare bedroom is nice but not 4 spares.

perplexedpirate · 02/08/2015 12:28

Bragging my arse. We're talking about the disadvantages that come with larger properties.
Some people have bigger houses than others, sorry to break it to you but there it is.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 02/08/2015 12:38

Jackshit it would be a pretty boring thread, and indeed a pretty boring forum if everyone just went 'yeah, totally agree, I'm in the same boat' to every OP wouldn't it?

Glad to have given you something to froth about though.

MrsJorahMormont · 02/08/2015 12:54

DH and I were just talking about this very subject yesterday as we know a couple trying to sell a house like that and having a nightmare getting rid of it. They are in their early sixties now and it is just way too much for them to manage. It needs a young family really to maintain it but it's too expensive for them whereas older people have the money but won't buy it because they can see the work involved.

Don't be envious - it may seem like a forever home but sooner or later your friend will want to move somewhere smaller!

pillowaddict · 02/08/2015 13:25

Ooh just think of all the places serial killers could hide. My ideal home would be a studio flat that I could see all corners of at all times if it wasn't for 2 dc I need some peace from!

airbus20 · 02/08/2015 13:33

I often drool over the huge houses on Rightmove but in reality I know I'd hate all the cleaning and running back and forth up the stairs. We're in a good sized 2 bed flat, I'd love a spare bedroom and office but it means we don't have to do much housework and our energy bills are very low. And anyone we know in a really big house has had to sacrifice location for it (in terms of distance from city centre), and I love our zone 1 flat.

UrsulaBrangwen · 02/08/2015 15:25

I do think feeling jealous is normal, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. Try not to let it get to you though as it may colour your friendship and if it's a good friendship then it isn't worth it!

It's slightly different but a friend of mine bought a very large and lovely house that I was jealous of and we eventually drifted apart - not just because I was jealous but because every time we met up she would talk about her 'nice big house' and how much money she had (she came into rather a lot of money in a short space of time due to bereavement and an unrelated insurance claim) and the other money that would soon be coming to her etc etc.

This was made worse by the fact that she started making a few patronising comments about my financial situation (which was rather dire at the time) and it just made meeting up an unpleasant experience that left me in a bit of a mood!

But ... sometimes I wonder if she would have calmed down once she got used to her new 'status' (I suppose?) and dropped her joyful superiority and the slightly thoughtless comments - as I actually really miss her, sometimes, and I know that it was 50/50 in terms of my jealousy and her being actually really quite insensitive that spoiled our friendship. I wish I'd handled it differently - but I'm awful with confrontation ... which is one of my flaws that I struggle to correct.

It's difficult to not compare yourself to others - but it's the thief of joy you know, and will only make you unhappy. To not be jealous - now that would be a real achievement to be proud of. A much better achievement than the acquisition of a big house IMHO

UrsulaBrangwen · 02/08/2015 15:27

I second the person who said picking holes in her happiness as a coping strategy. You can be better than that :)

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 02/08/2015 18:40

Oddly enough she's just phoned me to ask if DD wants to go camping with her DD at the bottom of their garden tomorrow night if the weather holds. You bet she does :)

I don't begrudge my friend. Both she and her husband work hard in demanding jobs and they deserve every bit of happiness and every spare room they have would just like to steal ONE of them and stick it onto my house for DS

OP posts:

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