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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want plastic surgery

34 replies

Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 21:48

When I was 9 years old I had a kettle of boiling water fall on me, which gave me third degree burns from my neck to my stomach, both my arms and my back.

I was reluctant to breastfeed due to pain in my breast during my pregnancy as my scar stretched so badly and I'd had extensive survey to that area but it was important to my DP for our baby to be breastfed so I did it. As it happened it didn't work so well anyway so I ended up breastfeeding out of of my less damaged breast, but then got mastitis so went to formula.

I've now had my son and did not breastfeed but now my breasts are so lopsided I just feel like a freak. I have very little in savings but I just want to feel like a normal woman. Wibu to get surgery?

OP posts:
TRexingInAsda · 31/07/2015 21:58

Of course ywnbu to get surgery. Breasts are often slightly asymmetrical, both naturally and following surgery, but they are likely to be much more symmetrical than now, so if you understand that it will be an aesthetic improvement (as well as improving the pain from the scarring, hopefully) and NOT a perfect set of identical breasts then go for it.

tvlover1234 · 31/07/2015 22:01

I had breast implants at 18 and had to remove at 20. They ruined my life and made me very very ill. Wish I never bothered

Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:15

I'm so sorry to hear that tvlover1234 how did they make you ill?

And thankyou so much for your post TRexinginasda feel a lot better. I just feel guilty for spending money that could be spent on the kids? And my other half says he doesn't mind about my breasts but I just went bra shipping and my disgusting flabby stomach is bigger than my boob! One of them only cuz the other is massive. I don't see how anyone can find me attractive looking like this. He left me for another woman twice so I'm feeling a bit shit xz

OP posts:
tvlover1234 · 31/07/2015 22:19

When I had them put in I instantly felt very lethargic anf it never-ending away. I put on weight and I just couldn't lose no matter my diet or amount of exercise. My eye sight deteriorated rapidly and my neck and back was in half constantly. I put up with this.

19 months post op I woke up with one boob swollen bigger than my head. I had a reoccurring seroma. Fluid just kept collecting. I had 450ml drained per time and it just kept getting bigger and bigger which then led to the dreaded capsular contracture. Which is very common in implants. So had to have them evolved. They've offered to put them back in for free but I've declined. I feel so much better without them. Energised. I lost weight instantly. It dropped off me pretty quickly by me doing nothing!

Read up on silicone disease. They now think implants have links with autoimmune diseases and Lyme disease.

If you do go ahead please go to an nhs trained surgeon. All these chain hospitals are awful. I went with the hospital group and they were an absolute nightmare. I had to fight for my op to have them removed snd thwy left me to be treated by nhs as refused to see me and said there was nothing wrong with me when they hadn't even examined me when I rang about the swelling. My surgeon said if it was an infection I could have died!!

PurpleSwift · 31/07/2015 22:24

I'm sorry for what you're be been though. To be blunt, you needn't have told me any of that and I'd still say yanbu. For me it's as simple as if you want it, then go do it as long as you educate yourself on it first.

Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:24

Oh god that is is awful I'm so sorry you'd think that any hospital would be fine and accredited?! Are you ok now?? You poor thing Flowers

OP posts:
Bailey101 · 31/07/2015 22:24

I would look at sorting out the cheating shit you're with before considering plastic surgery. You might find that once you're not living on edge because of him, your feelings about your body aren't as big or at the front of your mind as much.

I'm not in anyway trying to diminish your feelings about how you look, but if you're always worrying about your partner cheating, then you're going to stress about things like this so much more.

I hope you find a way of being happy with yourself, whether it's through surgery or something else Flowers

ladyflower23 · 31/07/2015 22:24

I don't think you Abu at all! I think there are alternatives to silicon now. Due to the difference in size and the effect it is having on your mental health it may be worth you discussing with your go and seeing if you would be eligible for an implant on the nhs to even them out. Good luck.

Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:27

I want to feel normal so bad. But I think it's a breastfeeding memory issue type thing. I feel so bad for not being able to but even worse for not wanting to. And I'm so scared of it going wrong as I really don't have 'normal' breasts. Fail to see how anyone could possibly find me attractive with no clothes on, I just assume they're doing it for a bet (it's happened)

OP posts:
Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:30

Thanks Bailey.

He has assured me he won't cheat again. I don't think he cheated on me because of me looking the way I do, I think it's more to do with my insecurity? But he left me twice for this woman and came back because he says he loves me. I just can't see how anyone would find this attractive? I might have an alright face but I can't wear anything revealing without showing my scars. Xxx

OP posts:
tvlover1234 · 31/07/2015 22:31

Betty thank you. I had removed in may and feel much better except left with two scars to remind me forever. Which I don't mind. It reminds me what I went through and I came out stronger. Wish I never messed with my body now.

I'm not anti surgery. People will do what they have to do but I like to warn people away from transform THG mya etc as they're all the same!! Want your money an once they have it you are no longer of any use.

I have since reported THG for neglect as advised by the nhs breast specialist surgeon who treated me for 3 weeks. He says they see it all the time with chain companies and wishes that people would go to see their gp first before deciding on a big chain as they can point in the right direction.

I was never happy either. I asked for a D cup and got FF! My back was in half and I looked like dolly Parton at 5'3 lol.

Much much happier now. I also knew when I have kids I didn't want the worry of dieter surgeries. Implants aren't for life. Things go wrong often and even if they don't they advise you change them every 10 years. I'm glad the burden is no longer on me

Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:35

You poor thing I'm glad your feeling better now though. Are you the same size you were before then? Xx

OP posts:
tvlover1234 · 31/07/2015 22:39

No I was an A when I implanted at 18. I'm now a dress size bigger and 20 years old and I'm a D. Although I don't think I look a D at all. (I'm a 34 back) . Crazy how what I wanted at 18 through surgery I got at 20 through removing. Lol

Original poster
Betty2012 · 31/07/2015 22:43

Bless you do you regret it then? If I had normal boobs I think i would be less anxious but I dorm know how these ones would even turn out...

OP posts:
tvlover1234 · 31/07/2015 22:46

Nothing is guarenteed with surgery sadly.

Yes I regret it as they made my boobs look worse. They looked heavy and if anything saggy!! I had 0 sag before and now I've removed I don't have sag now either! Implants weighed mine edown massively and they were relatively small implants!

I spent 4500 on boobs that lasted 19 months.. My life savings at the time on something that I feel now was not a priority and matching a good bra couldn't have fixed. Sadly but I have put it down to a learning experience lol x

SniffsAndSneezes · 01/08/2015 01:41

Sounds like you need a new DP on top of new boobs, OP. To pressure you into BF when it's uncomfortable for you, not to mention the fact that he's a philandering twat ( I have VERY strong feelings about infidelity) it's no wonder you're feeling insecure.
I understand your feelings re spending money that could go on the kids, but consider- how are they going to feel about their self worth and confidence if their Mummy is constantly insecure and unhappy with her body? You can only instill those positive values in your children if you have it within yourself. Sounds to me like if you want this you should absolutely have it.

Balanced12 · 01/08/2015 06:27

OP you sound genuinely upset and that this affects you being able to get on with the day to day, now while I do not know I don't see why the NHS wouldn't consider you for treatment. You can only be told no and as pp have said it sounds a good starting g point.

I know you don't feel great but a cheat is a cheat and something you need to deal with separately you don't cheat on a partner you love and respect once let alone twice (I also hate cheats)

YANBU wanting surgery you are to give you DP an excuse.

Spartans · 01/08/2015 07:08

I cant say yabu or yanbu.

I can say having them done will not improve how you feel about your relationship. I think you need to sort your feelings about what you OH did.

I had my boobs done. With Harely street. The care, surgery, after care etc was amazing. The best thing I ever did.

It did change my life as I became a lot more confident. However, it only changes your boobs. If there are other problems, it won't fix them. You still wont trust your that your OH won't cheat. As you say that had nothing to do with your boobs.

My problem was my boobs, not any other other issues. You just have to be careful you are not planning on life being a bed of roses once they are done.

Spartans · 01/08/2015 07:11

and fwiw no woman should have to breast feed because its what the father wants.

TRexingInAsda · 01/08/2015 07:19

I also recommend a new DP, fucking hell OP! Or at least just get rid of the current one, shit, and twice as well, I can't imagine how low your self esteem must be to still be with this man. :( x

TRexingInAsda · 01/08/2015 07:35

I have sent you a PM. x

StarsInTheNightSky · 01/08/2015 07:40

I was reading and thinking YANBU at all, then I got to the DP wanted me to bf, and the cheating bit Shock.

Firstly, YANBU to want surgery, but please look into it carefully and find a good surgeon if you do, as others have said, there are dangers.
I have some very bad scarring on my back and chest (knife wounds and other marks from sexual abuse). I used to feel self conscious about them, but since DH and I have been together I couldn't care less. They're on display to some extent pretty much every day, I wear a bikini swimming and it doesn't bother me at all, but that's because I have good self esteem, and a DH who loves me no matter what and doesn't care about my appearance. Could you try so have some pre surgery counselling? Perhaps that might help you come to a firm decision?

Secondly, perhaps have a good think about your relationship. Everyone deserves someone who makes them feel wonderful about themselves, someone who helps to build you up when you're down and someone who is honest and faithful at all times Flowers x

Booboostwo · 01/08/2015 07:57

It is your body so you can do what you want with it but I just wanted to say that lopsided breasts are perfectly normal. Mine were a bit uneven before the DCs but after breastfeeding one is significantly lower than the other. If your breasts bother you I understand that and you are entitled to feel this way but don't let anyone tell you that lopsided breasts are not normal.

Scoobydoo8 · 01/08/2015 07:57

How old is DS?
I would think you need to wait a few years post baby before deciding to make changes to your shape. Nature might do a lot anyway.

And maybe you can get some plastic surgery to the scars on the NHS if it's causing discomfort or making breast feeding impossible.

Most people who wanted to breastfeed and didn't manage feel bad about it and disappointed. Do a search on here for threads.

And your DP seems to have given your self-esteem a battering.

Lots of issues - don't rush into surgery until you've sorted the rest. Perhaps counseling with someone, just to talk it through might help.

OrangeVase · 01/08/2015 08:27

There is some good advice on here.

Don't worry about the breastfeeding. If your DC are healthy, loved and cared for that is the important thing. It is only a very small factor in bringing up strong, happy healthy children and does not work for everyone. Don't waste energy on guilt. Not necessary and not
worth it.

The important thing is you. I would suggest a visit to your GP to start with. Then do as much research as you can and then, if you feel it is the right thing to do, go ahead. It seems to make sense from what you have said.