To leave DD with no adult supervision after school

[redskybynight]

Hypothetical situation at the moment but may arise in the future due to job changes.

Would you feel happy to leave a sensible 9 year old DC for up to 1.5 hours after school on one day a week? She would also be walking or cycling home by herself/with friends (though the journey home alone is by itself not an issue as she would be doing this on other days as well).

Potentially her 11 year old brother would also be there (and could meet her en-route home if needed).

One parent works 15 minutes walk away (so no delays in getting home and close at hand). DC knows various neighbours she could go to in case of real emergencies.

Feel like 9 is just the "wrong" age - a couple of years younger and we wouldn't consider it, and a couple of years older and we wouldn't worry at all!

I'd do it.

coffee

it isn't against the law to leave a 9 yo old home alone. in fact, if I remember correctly, there's no age limit.

if I left my 1yo alone (asleep in cot) to post a letter down the road (2 mins walk) I would not break the law.
he would be unsupervised, sure, and I couldn't hear him or save him if he was chocking - but practically that is no different from jumping in the shower, or being fast asleep downstairs, or mowing the lawn or hoovering the car on the drive etc.

I don't like leaving my 12 yo alone, because he has headphones on and doesn't hear the phone ringing, but
I could leave my 8 yo at home alone because I can trust him more, he is better at following rules.

each and every situation is different, age is not the only factor

My ds's school ask parents to let their dc come to school unaided for the final year of Junior school. The catchment area is small and we are lucky to have school crossing guards. kids are woefully under prepared for travel to senior school and independence.

Nope, no way.

I've always found childcare almost impossible to organise. DS is 9 and I've spent about £35k on nursery fees and before and after school care. School holidays are an absolute nightmare. We have absolutely no support outside of what we've paid for. Childcare isn't accessible and easy to organise. To have two days at out of school club we have to agree and pay for five days. None of this has a bearing on whether we'd leave DS or not for a short while (like an hour and a half at 10). Childcare isn't necessary easy to sort out, especially on an ad hoc basis.

I don't think I would as a regular thing. My dd is 9 and I occasionally leave her for 10 mins or so, when she is happy for me to, if I need to collect one of the other dc. I would feel less comfortable about leaving her with a slightly older sibling than on her own, tbh. Dd is sensible on her own but not as much so when other kids around. And she is allowed to go to the local shops by herself, meet friends at a nearby park and go on ahead when we walk home from school, so I don't consider that I wrap her up in cotton wool. It's more the regularity of it and the fact she wouldn't be able to say no if she didn't fancy going by herself that day. I'd be worried about there not being an adult to mop up a bad day too; an hour and a half is a long time to mither when she's nine. Sorry not to give a more useful answer but thought it better to be honest.

As a follow up to my earlier post, DS being a latchkey child has for the most part been fine, the problem has been that after 11 childcare just seems to evaporate. It's extraordinary.

I'm a single parent so had no choice and I have to say that DS stepped up to the challenge of looking after himself. It really did give him a boost of confidence but there is always that guilt, parental guilt!
I wonder did my parents feel it when they left me?

Perhaps it's right to just drop them in it and see how they fare, we can't wrap them in bubble wrap forever. Perhaps the earlier they have to be responsible for themselves the better they will be at it?

I do think that the threat of social services is much more of an issue nowadays though, I doubt my parents gave it a second thought but I have always felt the threat at the back of my mind.
That probably comes back to guilt!

No, I wouldn't.

And I don't think it's fair expecting children that young to have that much responsibility.

She's 9. She should be looked after at that age, not dealing with any number of scenarios that crop up.

It's actually quite sad, I think.

But you seem determined to do it anyway so...

I think you are only wanting to look at the best case scenario, I.e. Nothing will ever go wrong. The reality is, little issues can and do come up and most 9 year olds (even sensible ones) would flap and not know how to deal with it, and it would leave them feeling very upset.

Just some examples that you might not have considered.
-someone leaves the gas on and she comes home to find the hob on a low fire. Would she dare touch to turn it off? Would she run to find a neighbour who might not be home yet? Would you expect her to phone you and then she has to try turning it off? Sounds crazy but this happened to me when I was that age and left alone with my sister while parents went for a meal and I was petrified.

• she loses or forgets her house key. Does she have a mobile? Would she have to wait outside?
• someone is persistently knocking at the door or telephoning. What should she do? Hide?
• someone walks home with her and wangs to come in the house. Would she be able to refuse?
• window cleaner comes round for money.

These are just a few random simple things that can happen, not life threatening but stressful for her. It's not a SS issue but I think you are passing your problem off on your DD a bit. Find a solution that involves some supervision. A combo of the after school club and a sixth former maybe, and some ad hoc friends parents combined.

mine are (6), 11 and 13 and go to a childminder - it's the idea of being unsupervised that bothers me - peer pressure etc as it is I'd rather they had an adult keeping an eye on them

I have a nine year old, no way would I do this far too young. Could one of the mums at school help you out?

9 is a bit young IMO. Given the ad hoc nature, and the fact that your DC is nearly ten so realistically it will only be an issue for another 18 months or so, I'd go with the local sixth former option. The advantage of that is if you don't need him/her, you're not forking out for unrequired care. Obviously the disadvantage with such a casual arrangement is that the sixth former may not always be available, especially at exam revision time. On those days, you could ask another parent for help, or give DC some practice at being home alone.