To leave DD with no adult supervision after school

[redskybynight]

Hypothetical situation at the moment but may arise in the future due to job changes.

Would you feel happy to leave a sensible 9 year old DC for up to 1.5 hours after school on one day a week? She would also be walking or cycling home by herself/with friends (though the journey home alone is by itself not an issue as she would be doing this on other days as well).

Potentially her 11 year old brother would also be there (and could meet her en-route home if needed).

One parent works 15 minutes walk away (so no delays in getting home and close at hand). DC knows various neighbours she could go to in case of real emergencies.

Feel like 9 is just the "wrong" age - a couple of years younger and we wouldn't consider it, and a couple of years older and we wouldn't worry at all!

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Gosh. Well it's up to you...you seem determined to do it anyway. Even though you said yourself it feels like the "wrong age".

[ButterflyUpSoHigh]

Not at that age no. At least 12 for me at the earliest.

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Doc the thing with the rules is that they're so easily confused at this age.

My DD is 11 and has been told not to open the door NO MATTER WHO IT IS. So....she might look through the spyhole an see Daddy's friend...but she is NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR.

I thought I had made this clear...but she still allowed a friend of DH's in to pick up something he'd left weeks ago.

I asked her why she'd answered the door and she said "Well I could see it was Dave."

And I said "But do you not remember that I'd said not to even if you know them?"

And she said "Yes but it doesn't make sense...it was DAVE!"

[MrsGentlyBenevolent]

I was left alone from about the age if seven. I'm not too sure if this was due to my maturity or bad parenting. My grandparents were just around the corner in an emergency to be fair. From the age if 11 I was totally alone until anytime up to 7.30pm. Managed never to burn the house down. However, I was both mature and too lazy to cause trouble, how well do you trust you daughter?

[BertPuttocks]

One of my 9yr-old's friends does this. He's a sensible child but it seems too young to me.

It might also be worth double-checking the school's policy on this. Ours states that children in KS2 are allowed to walk home alone but that they would expect an adult to be at home to meet them. I'm not sure that they could actually enforce this in any meaningful way but it would give you a better idea of whether it's the done thing in your area.

[Coffeemarkone]

if anyone finds out that your dd is home alone regularly, SS might be v interested.
As they were with me when when of my 10 year olds answered the phohe to someone from school and let slip that i was not there....
So I am not scaremongering, just speaking from experience.

[FreckledLeopard]

I used to. I worked full time, other half worked full time and au pair had to collect DD's autistic step-brother after school. DD used to walk home (10 minutes), let herself in and amuse herself til au pair got home. We had no other choice. She was fine - she was sensible and mature for her age.

[Marcelinewhyareyousomean]

Totally depends on the child IMO. I could leave my 8 to for 1 1\2 (don't but could). At nearly 10 I'd be really comfortable. I'd be more worried about leaving siblings without a referee.


Things are different than when I was young. From 5 I caught a bus to school. From about 7 got myself up and ready, made lunch, went to a really boring after school club and came home on a normal public bus with my siblings.

[AnyFucker]

that is too young, IMO

[DocHollywood]

Possibly, I made the call when my dds were younger. We had our rules, and they worked fine. It depends on the child ultimately.

[Coffeemarkone]

right yes, I had a real 'telling off' on the phone, a 'warning' letter, and a leaflet on neglect sent to me.
And the school were notified to keep a close eye on us.
I had been expecting a friend round, (who didnt show up)and had to go out to buy a car....
they dont care about your reasons.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Is there an after school activity she could do one day a week? 90 mins is a long time. DS1 has been coming home from school by himself since the age of 9 but I wouldn't have left him that long on his own at that age.

[motherwithheadache]

dd would be happy to and prefer it to nursery/afterschool club. However unfortunately school won't let her go home on her own. She has been home on her own for that length of time anyway

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

We are pondering something similar for our nearly 10 yo. I think he will end up going to the library for an hour or so to reduce the time at home on his own (it is just around the corner from our house). He is really keen to do it, which is possibly persuading us more than otherwise

[ShatnersBassoon]

I had to do this at that age, and I hated it. I'd spend all day frightened of losing my key, then I'd be scared on my own, just sitting on the stairs waiting for someone else to get home. It was lonely, and I was sure I'd do something wrong if I relaxed or touched anything so I just sat and waited. I was very sensible, but didn't enjoy the responsibility of letting myself in to the empty house.

I was fine to be left alone at other times though, like if mum and dad had to pop out for an hour or so.

[DocHollywood]

If you work 15 minutes walk away could she not come and sit in reception or similar and have a snack, do homework etc?

[featherandblack]

No. I wouldn't allow this for all the reasons mentioned.

[Spartans]

No I wouldn't do it.

I also wouldn't allow an 11 year old to supervise. I think it's too much.

Regardless of their ability to go to the shops.

[Flossieflower01]

No- similar situation here, older brothers walk home (have done from 11) and are alone for an hour ( has been up to two hours but they're together), 9 year old goes to childminder for an hour. I'm debating letting her walk home in year 6 but certainly not in year 5. It's the letting themselves into an empty house that I don't think she's ready for yet, walking home to someone being there would be different.

[Athenaviolet]

YOu know your DC best.

It depends on how she feels about it and how much practice she's had at being home alone.

[NotATest]

OP, I have a toddler, so not really able to comment from a parent's point of view yet, but this is my experience as a child.

As a very sensible 9/10 year old, I was left in charge of the house and my 4/5 year old sibling one evening a week for a couple of hours. Everything was fine, and I'm confident that I would have reacted sensibly if there had been a problem. However, I absolutely hated it and would anxiously sit around praying that nothing bad would happen and waiting for my mum to come home :(

[ToysRLuv]

I did and I would. No problem at all, unless DC is very immature or prone to being anxious.

[CainInThePunting]

I suppose it depends on how mature your DCs are, it might be ok but if it's not, you won't be there to sort her out which is the problem.

DS has been a latchkey child since 11 and it's been ok however, there was one occasion (it wasn't an emergency fortunately, just a situation we hadn't foreseen and he didn't know how to deal with it), he tried to get in touch with me but had used up all his credit (downloading fecking games!) and he panicked.
He could have used the landline to contact me but he panicked and didn't think of it.
This caused him a lot of stress and made me review the arrangement.

The other thing to think about is if something does happen and your 11 year old has to take take responsibility for both of them, is that asking too much of him?

The what-ifs are so tricky. Trust your gut and Good Luck!

[Kikimoon]

My dd asks to do this (she's 10.5) but I hate the idea of her letting herself in in case there is a burglar/gas leak etc. Or if someone follows her home. I will happily leave at home for an hour or two once she's already in. She's about to go to secondary school so I guess I will have to rethink at some stage.

In the end though you sometimes have to get your kids to do things earlier than you'd like because of work.

[redskybynight]

Thanks for all comments - to answer some of the questions

• no she couldn't come to my workplace and sit in Reception

• it would be a different day each week so none of the after school clubs will consider it (or only on a "if we've got a space that week" basis which is too unreliable). Childminder might be possible but can't really make enquiries till it's definite rather than hypothetical.

• the school wouldn't care less if she went home to an empty house

• other DC in the area certainly do the same thing - in fact we know of 2 DC in DD's Year 4 class who take themselves home to empty houses. However that doesn't make it right (or wrong).

• DD is likely to spend the time watching back to back youtube videos of "The Next Step" i.e nothing dangerous.

• I haven't made up my mind; it's currently hypothetical so no need to. Just potential forward planning.

• good point about what we did ourselves as children. At the same age, DH and I both caught buses home from school, walked home (in my case crossing a busy road) and let ourselves in. Does put it into perspective.