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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD with no adult supervision after school

112 replies

redskybynight · 31/07/2015 12:28

Hypothetical situation at the moment but may arise in the future due to job changes.

Would you feel happy to leave a sensible 9 year old DC for up to 1.5 hours after school on one day a week? She would also be walking or cycling home by herself/with friends (though the journey home alone is by itself not an issue as she would be doing this on other days as well).

Potentially her 11 year old brother would also be there (and could meet her en-route home if needed).

One parent works 15 minutes walk away (so no delays in getting home and close at hand). DC knows various neighbours she could go to in case of real emergencies.

Feel like 9 is just the "wrong" age - a couple of years younger and we wouldn't consider it, and a couple of years older and we wouldn't worry at all!

OP posts:
Motortrader · 31/07/2015 14:33

My brother and sister were latch key kids at 8 and 10.

They walked the 5 min home from primary school, let themselves in and were alone for 20-30 min until I got home from secondary school. I'd have been 11 or 12 at the time. We then had a further hour or so alone until my mother got home.

All seemed very normal at the time (late '70s).

Nobody got injured and we never managed to set the house on fire despite repeated attempts.

milkmilklemonade12 · 31/07/2015 14:38

It's not something I would do personally.

What's your plans for school holidays? Does she have somewhere to go or will she be home alone? Worth thinking of if you're forward planning.

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 14:39

" the school wouldn't care less if she went home to an empty house "

dont be so sure, it would only take one busybody SENCO to overhear that she is going to be home alone, one call to SS, and there will be a big pile of trouble to sort out.
Dont think I am being alarmist, but this is more to the point than stories about what people did back in the 70s.

HelenaDove · 31/07/2015 14:45

Social Services are going to be incredibly busy then when the new tax credit cuts kick in and desperate parents are going to have to take any hours that come along however irregular or intermittent.

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 14:47

I know Helena - it is mad isnt it? - but this really did happen to us.
And I only left them the once for about 90 minutes!

Artandco · 31/07/2015 14:56

Could you make an arrangement with a friend? They have your daughter over 1 afternoon 2 hrs when you work, and in exchange you have theirs over one afternoon each week for a play?

I think 9 is too young. Have you considered an au pair living with you for a year? They Could help mainly in school holidays when you might need someone around for the longer hours, be around after school, keep company in evenings if you go out and help with odd bits around home. So non holidays maybe only works 8 hrs a week, going up to 25-30 in the holidays.

CruCru · 31/07/2015 15:09

I'm going to go against the other posters and say, while not ideal, I don't think this is absolutely terrible. I've not met your child, she may be sensible enough to cope with this. I also don't think 90 minutes once a week is enough to make her lonely.

However, I think I'd have a rule that she can't have friends round during that time. If they start doing something ghastly, she won't be able to prevent it. Plus if they haven't told their parents that they are unsupervised, that would be a problem.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 15:12

Here's a recent case where a Mother was cautioned about leaving her 9 year old.

m.theargus.co.uk/news/13503183.Father_s_complaint_about_son__9__left_at_home_alone_was_not_investigated_robustly/

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 15:17

ha! The Argus! we were also in Brighton!

twentyten · 31/07/2015 15:24

Book a teenager to babysit after school?

YeOldeTrout · 31/07/2015 15:25

I think it's absolutely safe & fine but I probably wouldn't do it because I'm afraid of the police & social services.

MummaGiles · 31/07/2015 15:28

The guidance (and obviously this depends on the maturity of the child) is that children under 12 should not be left alone for a long period of time. www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

omnishambles · 31/07/2015 15:28

Can you not tell her to go to the library on that day a week and you can meet up and come home together or she could stay there doing her homework/titting about on the internet and then come home when you're back?

Original poster
redskybynight · 31/07/2015 15:45

More responses to questions

  • would school/SS really care about a 9 year old left alone once a week for a short amount of time? (school is of the "just let children out when the bell goes and trust they come back if necessary" variety)
  • there is no issue in school holidays where she will have planned care of some sort for the whole day (as now)
  • au-pair seems rather overkill for 1.5 hours a week
  • reciprical arrangement with a friend is a possibility and would do this for a one off, not sure it ideal for an ongoing arrangement
  • teenager might be a goer, we have a couple of six formers living nearby who might be interested.
  • "a long period of time" as per the law is rather subjective, but suspect it means rather more than 1.5 hours.
  • I agree the "no friends" rule would be sensible.
  • the parent prosecuted left their ill child locked in a house for several hours - hardly the same
  • the nearest library is a further mile away from home, and only open at restricted times, and not sure why she would be any safer there than at home?
OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 31/07/2015 15:48

A likely teenager might be the solution!

TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 15:48

Red re the ill child alone not being the same thing....it would be if your DD wasn't well though.

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 15:50

" would school/SS really care about a 9 year old left alone once a week for a short amount of time? "

IME, yes. It is classed as 'neglect'. Or so I was told.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 15:54

honestly...how hard is it to arrange a club or something? Most after care places do pick ups.

Year 6 is when this sort of thing begins.

Original poster
redskybynight · 31/07/2015 15:57

TheHouse if you RTFT you will find out that this is for ad-hoc days, therefore an activity after school won't work, and the after school clubs aren't interested.

If it was just a question of book her into an after school club once a week I would just have done that!!

OP posts:
TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 16:01

red no need to be rude. I did read the thread and did not see "ad-hoc" anywhere. You said "Once a week"

And...our school's after hours clubs don't mind if you don't attend every week...and surely if you pay for the term, it is FAR better to just have her attend them all even if you are at home sometimes? Confused

You said yourself that it felt wrong but now you're just determined that you are right no matter what anyone else thinks.

9 is too young.

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 16:03

well you have explained why none of the suggestions would work, and ignored or dismissed any mention of SS/neglect, and explained why none of the usual options would suit.
Leave her home alone then.
As you were.

Coffeemarkone · 31/07/2015 16:04
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 31/07/2015 16:07

I agree, 9 seems just a tad too young.
can she go to a friend's house?

Greythorne · 31/07/2015 16:12

I would happily leave my nearly 9 yo alone in the house with a fully charged IPad to go out and she would be happy to be left. I would be the one checking windows and doors were secure, ensuring she had a snack, reminding her of the rules re. Opening the front door etc.

Personally, I would not be happy to give her the responsibility of having keys to an empty house (and even if your husband does not open the door to her currently, so she lets herself in, in the event of a problem, he would presumably end his business call and help her), letting herself in, then spending 90 mins alone in the house.

I can imagine lots of situations which would throw my DD off kilter, such as the door bell rinigning repeatedly, the boiler fail infant the house being freezing, her injuring herself somehow, losing the keys en route etc. etc.

So, in the situation you describe, I would not do it, even though I don't think 9 or 10 is too young to be left occasionally in the right circumstances.

Original poster
redskybynight · 31/07/2015 16:14

My 14:25 post said it would be a different day each week.

I rang all 3 of the main after school clubs that pick up from DD's school. One would not take her for only 1 day a week. 1 would take her for one day a week but it would have to be Monday or Friday. The other would take her on any day a week but it would have to be the same day every week. None of them would consider ad-hoc, except on a "ring on a week by week basis and we'll see if we can accommodate you". Once a week is worst case scenario, there will be some weeks where the situation would never arise. We simply can't afford to pay for 5 days of after school club on the basis she might use 1 of them most weeks.

I have said upthread that I would consider a local teenager and would explore childminders if the situation does in fact arise. Not sure how this is "explaining why none of the suggestions work". What other suggestions did I reject (other than not having her sit in my workplace which is surely not an option in most people's workplaces or after school clubs wouldn't be necessary at all?)

the variety of answers on here show that leaving a 9 year old is not universally considered to be neglect, even by the official guidelines.

OP posts:
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