Feeling miffed! AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

Cant decide whether I should just 'wind my neck in' or not so thought I'd ask for your opinions please?
On Saturday, we had a bit of a party, at home. Invited quite a few families over, with kids, grandkids etc. Amazingly, the sun shone and we had a great day.. One of my friends offered to lend me her gazebo to add to the other 2 that we already had up. We set it up and used them all.
When she left the party her with hubby and kids they were worse for wear so said they'd come and get it the next day when they collected the car. Fair enough.
The sky clouded over and the forecast was overnight rain so a group of o/h's friends decided that they should take them down..o/h was inside at this point so didn't really see (or agree to) what happened. They meant well but somehow completely knackered my friends gazebo!!
The next morning I went on the Argos website and saw an identical one for £120 which I was more than prepared to replace for her...(expensive but, hey, she leant it to me in good faith and all that) I might add that her awning was 3 years old.
Her and her hubby came over and I explained what had happened (and,of course, apologised) I said I've found an identical one and showed her the Argos website pic and said I'd order there and then and have it delivered directly to her house. Here's where my AIBU is: She said, "Oh, don't worry, we hardly ever use it, I'd rather have the £120!!" I was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to respond. I didn't have £120 cash in the house so I said I'd pop it over during this week. She text me last night to ask me when I was coming as she needed it!

I feel really miffed.... I guess I was prepared to spend a the £120 on the website so it isn't costing me anymore to give her the cash. But I feel like she's being grabby and if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have asked for the cash as if it were new....if I was going to take anything, I'd have maybe suggested half given its age, condition etc...

Thoughts please?

Good work OP, I hope you have a good evening and can move your friendship back to where it should be, although I personally would be pretty wary of this friend x

I like your solution, OP! Smoothly done. I'd have no regrets about the slight fib myself. If your friend's thick skinned enough to ask outright for more cash than the gazawning's worth, she can definitely handle your deft dealings!

I know have moved on, and OP has handled this well with the 50 quid an' all, but i'm still mulling over weather or not friend was really unreasonable to ask for the cash?

(Personally if i were the owner of the gazebo i would have said don't worry about it at all, and don't bother with replacement or cash, as that's manners and i'm a slave to them.)

But:

Picture spending £120 on something which you use once or twice in a couple of years. You lend it to a friend who uses it once and breaks it. Friend announces they are going to spend £120 on an exact replacement. You're not fussed about the loss of the gazebo but do feel £120 out of pocket.

Do you feel comfortable asking for the cash instead?

I'm so on the fence!

Eponas - why would you feel £120 out of pocket though,lets say you have already spent the money a couple of years ago and had it not got broken it would have sat happily in the garage with all the other gumph that we accumulate over time, then you never had the £120 anyway? Had friend said they use it regularly and would need to buy themselves a new one then yes, I think it should be replaced, but as friend didn't use it anyway then I think most people would have put it down to being one of those things, maybe given a token amount towards a new one or a bottle of wine to say sorry for damaging it and moved on?

There are a lot of push overs on this thread who would pay her cash... I certainly wouldn't!

You made her a more than generous and reasonable offer to replace it with new. Asking for cash instead is gobsmacking.

You did the right thing OP! She was being very cheeky and taking the piss!

I think that's a perfect solution tbh.....

Perfect solution OP!

Very well done to you

Hi All. Just back from my friends. I took some flowers and a bottle of wine by way of an apology for what happened to her gazawning (good one wizardoftoss) lol.

It was all a bit awkward at first, mostly me I think, I just felt really uncomfortable ridiculous I know). We danced around it for a bit and then I said:

Me: "your replacement gazebo should be here within a couple of days so I'll get DP to drop it over when it arrives"

Friend: "I really would have rather had the money as we just never use it".

Me: Well, it will already be packaged so why don't you just re advertise it as soon as it arrives?

Friend: Yeah, I suppose so. What do you think I'll get for it?

Me: Well, Dave, paid £50 for it so, I'm guessing a similar amount.

Friend: Oh Right

Me: well, it was a 3 year old, second hand awning that's all it was worth.

Her: 'silence'

It was the then never mentioned again, totally odd! I can tell she was miffed - as though she was missing out on £70! I was ready to take it further if necessary but it just sort of fizzled out. I guess we both compromised.

We chatted about her kids, work etc and I tried to snoop a bit and ask leading questions in case she was struggling financially. She doesn't appear to be - nights out planned, holiday booked etc...totally strange behaviour.

I'll never borrow anything again - lesson learned!

Thanks for all the comments & advice. You're all fab! Mumsnet is great because when a question is asked there is usually a majority that agree (or disagree) so it's a good 'reality check' I'm interested in the replies I got that could see it from my friends point of view though, it takes all sorts. As I say, lesson learned!

IKEA have gazebos for £15. You should have got her 8 of them instead.

I believe in law the term is 'betterment'. She tried to get the cost of a new awning for a used two year old one. If this were retail she'd be offered a price reflecting her usage and £50 seems a reasonable figure.
I too think your solution was genius. She's a cheeky cah and I think id be distancing myself now. A 'friend' who tried this stunt isn't a true friend.

She thinks you are an insurance company! Some replace damaged/lost items, others give cash.

Well done OP! What you did was just perfect

Whilst I would not necessarily have expected the cost of a new replacement, I wouldn't want someone ordering a second hand one for me either. If I were buying an item like a gazebo second hand I would want to actually be able to check out the item and make sure all the parts were there, there were no cracked parts, all the clips were in working condition, etc. I'm not sure I'd ever trust buying something like a second hand gazebo on ebay.

Well done OP, cheeky bloody woman she is!!

I am looking forward to the thread that says "Friend broke my old gazawning and wouldn't pay full market value for it - AIBU?"

I think the friendship's over.

I disagree with the majority here. You were willing to pay £120 to Argos but not to your friend . It would have made no financial difference to you.

I actually think you should have given the full £120 cash because although the thing had been used, it was lent to you for free (ie goodwill) and you didn't manage to look after it (you owe goodwill). It wasn't a business arrangement otherwise you would have been paying to hire it. It was a friend arrangement and you turned it into a transaction to save money. The cost of it 2nd hand plus the apology and plus the gratitude for it's loan equals £120 IMO. But You've just paid the 2nd hand cost.

When gazawning comes, make sure it doesn't have your address on it and that it doesn't include the invoice(some sellers print out one for buyer). Otherwise she will figure out it was you who ordered it.

Totally agree with Binit.

And you should never have agreed to pay her the 120 and then backed out of it...either stick to a deal or don't complain later that it didn't suit.You've also dragged Dave into it,unfairly I think because you never even asked him first before you started quoting him in your argument/dispute.

I know you think you have 'won',but you really haven't.I think you have acted pettily over something that should have been shrugged off,you were prepared to pay the 120 to Argos but not to the friend whose property got destroyed on your watch.

You've lost her friendship,and I think Dave will view you a bit warily from now on too.Petty.

I think I would have offered her one of the other two that were up and undamaged. If they belonged to the OP.

But the friend was effectively trying to flog an unwanted, used gazawning to Pinot4me for the price of a new one. That can't be right, surely? If I loaned out my 10 year old car and it got wrecked I wouldn't expect to get a brand new model as a replacement.

At least friend got back what she lent and she's not out of pocket.

Good solution OP, friend was cheeky for sure! No grounds for complaint from her now as she got back exactly what was lent fair and square.

OP you've ruined two friendships in one swoop. You should have told the lender what happened and seen what her reaction/suggestion was. You immediately offered a £120 replacement she said thanks I'll have the cash.
Now you've dragged Dave into your mess. They will both soon realise you were lying.

A true friend who didn't want the awning would not have tried to profit from their friend trying to do the right thing. It wasn't the OP who broke the damn thing. If I were that friend I would not expect her to replace it anyway. Although the gazawning was damaged at her place, it wasn't by her and was totally accidental. And if I didn't really use it I'd just right it off anyway. There are some sanctimonious posts on here which seem to have lost sight of the facts.