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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling miffed! AIBU?

132 replies

Pinot4me · 29/07/2015 12:49

Cant decide whether I should just 'wind my neck in' or not so thought I'd ask for your opinions please?
On Saturday, we had a bit of a party, at home. Invited quite a few families over, with kids, grandkids etc. Amazingly, the sun shone and we had a great day.. One of my friends offered to lend me her gazebo to add to the other 2 that we already had up. We set it up and used them all.
When she left the party her with hubby and kids they were worse for wear so said they'd come and get it the next day when they collected the car. Fair enough.
The sky clouded over and the forecast was overnight rain so a group of o/h's friends decided that they should take them down..o/h was inside at this point so didn't really see (or agree to) what happened. They meant well but somehow completely knackered my friends gazebo!!
The next morning I went on the Argos website and saw an identical one for £120 which I was more than prepared to replace for her...(expensive but, hey, she leant it to me in good faith and all that) I might add that her awning was 3 years old.
Her and her hubby came over and I explained what had happened (and,of course, apologised) I said I've found an identical one and showed her the Argos website pic and said I'd order there and then and have it delivered directly to her house. Here's where my AIBU is: She said, "Oh, don't worry, we hardly ever use it, I'd rather have the £120!!" I was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to respond. I didn't have £120 cash in the house so I said I'd pop it over during this week. She text me last night to ask me when I was coming as she needed it!

I feel really miffed.... I guess I was prepared to spend a the £120 on the website so it isn't costing me anymore to give her the cash. But I feel like she's being grabby and if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have asked for the cash as if it were new....if I was going to take anything, I'd have maybe suggested half given its age, condition etc...

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/07/2015 14:30

I think most reasonable people would have said dont worry, we dont get much use from it ... thanks for a great party leaving you to send flowers ....

SpaceAdmiralRodcocker · 29/07/2015 14:35

Shameless place mark

WizardOfToss · 29/07/2015 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigEasy · 29/07/2015 14:45

Hmm, I think you should just give her the £120, and suck it up. You borrowed it, and it was damaged under your care. You were willing to replace it, so you are getting bogged down by her lack of generosity.

I borrow stuff from people on the "you bend it, you mend it" principle. I borrowed a load of Ikea 2 foot high lanterns from a friend for a large garden party, and some drunk dope crashed them over and broke heaps of them. I replaced them, and delivered them back. Friend said I shouldn't have bothered, but I thought differently. Drunk bloke knew he was responsible, but didn't have the class to volunteer a contribution.

I think if you try to negotiate her down, or make her feel bad, it will be a very expensive 40 or 50 quid that you will "save". Let it go.

Gottagetmoving · 29/07/2015 14:54

If she wants cash then she should accept second hand value,..NOT cost of a new one.
You offered to replace it with new which was fair but no way would I give her £120.

MaxPepsi · 29/07/2015 14:56

How can she 'need' the money? She didn't know she was getting it until now!

This was my exact thought.

She's a cheeky mare.

Have you looked for the same gazebo elsewhere online? I would do that, find it much cheaper than Argos - try Amazon, Ebay and JTF for starters. JTF is probably your cheapest option oh no, I'm not looking for one at all at the moment!! then give her that price.

MokunMokun · 29/07/2015 15:02

Just text back that you thought she was joking. Actually one of the guys who broke it felt bad and already sorted out a replacement. You'll drop it off when he brings it.

Atenco · 29/07/2015 15:03

I don't agree. You were going to spend the 120 pounds anyway. I believe that when we borrow things and ruin them we are under an obligation to either replace or repay them. Someone really really nice and it a good financial position would let you off, but you have no right to be angry because she hasn't let you off.

VixxFace · 29/07/2015 15:05

Yanbu

Do not give her the 120 cash.

MintyChops · 29/07/2015 15:06

I think she's being reLly cheeky and I would say something along the lines of what Mokun suggested. Let us know how it goes....

Ohfourfoxache · 29/07/2015 15:09

I like Mokun's approach - ie that it has already been ordered.

I think this is horrendously cheeky but I can't put my finger on exactly why tbh

Bubblesinthesummer · 29/07/2015 15:10

Yes her asking for the cash is a bit cheeky.

The thing about it not being 'worth' £120 is a different matter. If that is what it would cost her to replace the item like for like then that is what it costs. If she was selling it to you, you could argue about wear and tear, but you aren't. Your friends broke it, which is a different situition.

pinkbraces · 29/07/2015 15:12

YANBU

My friends and I have loads of parties, BBQ's over the summer time and if any of our items were damaged the way you described we would not run out and replace and certainly not offer cash.

I would be mortified If I lent a friend something to use for a party I was at and it was damaged, if she then wanted to pay me for it. It could have just as easily happened at my house when I was hosting.

I think you need a new friend.

CrystalCove · 29/07/2015 15:16

Go with the "someone's already bought a replacement", how cheeky!

BasinHaircut · 29/07/2015 15:17

Hmm I don't know.

I 100% get why you feel the way you feel, but you do owe them something, and whether you feel that is the full cost of the item or not is down to you.

To replace what was broken in your care costs £120. It's kind of irrelevant whether it was brand new or 3 years old, to replace like for like costs £120. You owe them £120.

Only someone with a brass neck would ask for cash, but some people are like that!

8angle · 29/07/2015 15:18

Hi Pinot,
If you can afford the £120 without too much bother, then i would pay her the £120, thank the guys who offered to chip in but tell them not to worry, take the high gorund.

And then it would be a long time before her and her family were entertained by me again.....

BasinHaircut · 29/07/2015 15:21

FWIW if I was this person I would tell you to just buy a cheaper replacement, seeing as I didn't use it much.

If it never got used and was just gathering dust though, I'd probably say don't worry about it.

Collaborate · 29/07/2015 15:23

If she'd rather have the money you should pay her the 2nd hand value only. Have a look on eBay to see what they're going for. Infant, bid for one yourself. She's not entitled to a new one.

Cheeky mare.

TowerRavenSeven · 29/07/2015 15:24

Grabby cow.

Chunkymonkey79 · 29/07/2015 15:26

She sounds a right cheeky cow! Tell her you don't mind buying a new gazebo (defo get a cheaper one!!) but say it feels unfair of her to expect you to give her cash instead to spend as she wishes.

How can she 'need' the money? She wasn't intending to sell her gazebo for cash, she isn't out of pocket, how on earth can she NEED it ????

whois · 29/07/2015 15:27

+1 for the small lie that one of the guys who broke it felt bad and already ordered a replacement.

I don't like the idea of handing over cash.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/07/2015 15:29

Can you /her claim on home insurance - some cover accidental damage.

Manic3mum · 29/07/2015 15:30

I think thats really kind of your OH's friends to offer to chip in, maybe they could contribute a bottle of wine/flowers which could accompany the cheaper replacement gazebo? But I think no to the cash - bit grabby.

AliceAlice1979 · 29/07/2015 15:44

I think it's bloody cheeky of her to want the cash. Very rude. I'd not be borrowing anything off her in the future or accepting invitations to things she hosts, she sounds grabby (I've never used that word before!!)

KoalaDownUnder · 29/07/2015 15:56
Shock

YANBU - how bloody rude of her!!

The only reason you were going to spend £120 is because it's difficult to source a second hand gazebo in the same condition as the old one. She's entitled to a replacement gazebo, not to the money value of the nicest new gazebo on the market!

If she doesn't want an actual gazebo, she should say 'Oh, forget it - we never use it anyway'.

She has acted like a mercenary businessperson, not a friend.