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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling miffed! AIBU?

132 replies

Pinot4me · 29/07/2015 12:49

Cant decide whether I should just 'wind my neck in' or not so thought I'd ask for your opinions please?
On Saturday, we had a bit of a party, at home. Invited quite a few families over, with kids, grandkids etc. Amazingly, the sun shone and we had a great day.. One of my friends offered to lend me her gazebo to add to the other 2 that we already had up. We set it up and used them all.
When she left the party her with hubby and kids they were worse for wear so said they'd come and get it the next day when they collected the car. Fair enough.
The sky clouded over and the forecast was overnight rain so a group of o/h's friends decided that they should take them down..o/h was inside at this point so didn't really see (or agree to) what happened. They meant well but somehow completely knackered my friends gazebo!!
The next morning I went on the Argos website and saw an identical one for £120 which I was more than prepared to replace for her...(expensive but, hey, she leant it to me in good faith and all that) I might add that her awning was 3 years old.
Her and her hubby came over and I explained what had happened (and,of course, apologised) I said I've found an identical one and showed her the Argos website pic and said I'd order there and then and have it delivered directly to her house. Here's where my AIBU is: She said, "Oh, don't worry, we hardly ever use it, I'd rather have the £120!!" I was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to respond. I didn't have £120 cash in the house so I said I'd pop it over during this week. She text me last night to ask me when I was coming as she needed it!

I feel really miffed.... I guess I was prepared to spend a the £120 on the website so it isn't costing me anymore to give her the cash. But I feel like she's being grabby and if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have asked for the cash as if it were new....if I was going to take anything, I'd have maybe suggested half given its age, condition etc...

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinot4me · 29/07/2015 15:57

Right! I've taken your advice and have found one on eBay - £50 so I've bought it. I've text her the following:

Hiya
Dave just popped round (the one who broke your awning) turns out that he felt so bad about it that he had already ordered another one from eBay (it's used - 2 years old but exactly the same make & model) but in great condition. I didn't have the heart to tell him that you weren't there that bothered about a replacement as he'd gone to quite a bit of trouble to source it. I'm sure you can flog it again on eBay if you like (he paid £50 for it). He'll never know.
Looking forward to seeing you later - I'll bring wine.

She responded: oh, has he? Is it too late to cancel as id really rather have the money. As I said, we never really even use the awning tbh.

Me: afraid not, it's ordered, paid for and on its way. As I say, I'm sure you'll be able to flog it again if you don't really use or want it. He wasn't to know. He was just trying to do the right thing. See you later

Ffs! So now I've got an awning on its way that she doesn't want when I could have just give her the £50 lol (although I think this solution is actually better than just giving her £50).

It's obviously up to her if she wants to flog it or not but at least she's now no worse off and she still owns an awning that she can sell if she wants to.

I think that's a pretty 'reasonable' solution for all parties. By the way she doesn't really know 'dave' so is unlikely to ever see him etc... I'll fill him in though, just in case. lol

Thanks for all your replies and advice - you made me see sense!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinot4me · 29/07/2015 15:58

I've used the term 'awning' coz that's what she calls it. It's a gazebo to me!

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 29/07/2015 15:59

Oh, you did that perfectly!!

Honestly, I can't believe her gall. Hmm

Manic3mum · 29/07/2015 16:01

well played!

TheRealMaryMillington · 29/07/2015 16:07

"I'd really rather have the money!"

Blimey

She should catch herself on

You handled that brilliantly

TheMushroom · 29/07/2015 16:07

Its cheeky because if she were to have sold the gazebo second hand then she wouldn't have got £120 for it.

In this situation it would be fair to replace like for like. But shes basically taking advantage of your guilt and forcing you to buy a knackered gazebo off her. A gazebo that wasn't even worth £120 before it got knackered.

Grabby cow.

stayathomegardener · 29/07/2015 16:08

Hmmm think I might still watch this one, think it may have legs.

Coconutty · 29/07/2015 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

middlethird · 29/07/2015 16:13

OP winning!

MissDemelzaCarne · 29/07/2015 16:15

Well done, that was £70 well saved.

Queenbean · 29/07/2015 16:16

Nice work Op! I thought you might go in a bit soft from your first few messages but you came back on it

Now will you come back and update what she says tonight?

middlings · 29/07/2015 16:17

Well played OP.

Although I'd let Dave know just in case she does bump into him!

pumpkinsweetie · 29/07/2015 16:20

Well played, what a cheeky mare she is!

Original poster
Pinot4me · 29/07/2015 16:21

Yep, I'll definitely come back with an update.

I just rang 'dave' he thought I was mental. Bloke view: "why not just tell her the truth and give her £50 coz that's all it's worth. I don't understand women and their logic" - he does have a point lol - but my solution (well, our combined mumsnet, solution) lol is much softer and easier for me to get my head around!

I'll update later on :-)

OP posts:
contractor6 · 29/07/2015 16:24

Poor Dave, embroiled in mn world of white lies. Have to say, don't think id borrow anything from her again, or even invite her to next party!

BasinHaircut · 29/07/2015 16:53

Well played OP. Although I bet she gets a huff on about having the gazebo replaced. If she does, make sure you remind her that she lent you a gazebo and you are giving her a gazebo back and have therefore done nothing for her to get huffy about.

Dave is cracking me up though Grin, no man understands a women's logic! I'm a woman and I can barely get my head around it...

SilverDragonfly1 · 29/07/2015 17:09

Like some other posters, I can't put my finger on why I think it's really cheeky! Perhaps because if I was your friend, I would be saying 'We never really use it, so don't worry' rather than 'We never really use it, give me cash'. I think though that in your position I would have offered one of my gazawnings to replace it though, then cash wouldn't have come up.

Fatmomma99 · 29/07/2015 17:12

Aw! I love a happy ending.

And I now also love Dave!

marjolaine · 29/07/2015 17:17

Wow, not only would I not have asked for money (or anything if it really wasn't used) but I think having been told a replacement had been ordered how about just be grateful instead of pushing for cash again! Confused

Zillie77 · 29/07/2015 17:18

I don't like the suggestions of you fibbing to her about your husband having already ordered a new one or some such business. I think that might just add to your stress. I would either just quietly cough up the £120 or talk frankly with her about how it seems a bit off to give her the cash.

For the record, I do agree that her request is inappropriate and a bit weird.

The5DayChicken · 29/07/2015 17:22

I can't believe that after your brilliant Dave ploy, she asked if it could be cancelled and asked for money again! Shock. Now I definitely know why she's a cheeky git.

And I think a PP has managed to articulate my earlier point. As a friend, if I lent something out that was several years old and that I never used, and it got broken, at the most I'd ask for a cheap, second hand replacement. I certainly wouldn't be asking for cash reimbursement to the value of a brand new version of something I was never going to miss.

Zillie77 · 29/07/2015 17:25

Hmm, not a bad outcome, but I suppose you could have shown her the ebay listing and offered her that amount of cash, or to purchase the awning from the listing. If I were Dave, I wouldn't like to be part of another person's white lie.

AlpacaPicnic · 29/07/2015 17:26

Well done, op, well done.

Atenco · 29/07/2015 17:27

Good, fair and diplomatic solution, OP. Well done

ShadyMyLady · 29/07/2015 17:39

Wow, I'm gobsmacked.

Well done OP, you did us proud.

I don't think we've heard the last of Mrs Awning though