Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

to be so gutted about losing out on this break?

128 replies

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 07:56

Was supposed to be going to France next week to meet DP's parents for the first time. It was going to be a nice break for us both as well as things have been a bit tough recently for both of us.

DP told me last night thatched doesn't want me to come with him anymore. His parents are quite ill and he doesn't think they'll cope. Which.is completely fair enough and I understand completely, but I'm so gutted.

I'm being selfish I know, and I hope his parents get better. But I'm so disappointed - I really wanted to meet them, I wanted to get on with them, and I wanted the break away from everything.

I'm on a zero hours contract so put myself as unavailable for the two weeks, and now the rota is set in stone so I'm missing out on work when money is tight enough as it is. I can't afford to do anything else so I'll be sat at home for two weeks.

I'm being so selfish but I'm just so upset. Tell me I'm being unreasonable so I can feel better about it all.

OP posts:

Report

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 09:46

It's so selfish but I was so looking forward to it and the last couple of years have been so tough for me, I loved the idea of a chance of getting away from it all. And yet now I feel so upset with myself for being so self centered when his family are ill and he's worried about it.

OP posts:

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 09:50

No, he's not paying me back - he wants to, but it seems pointless him being out of pocket when it's not really his fault. I'm paying mum back as soon as I've saved up the amount.

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/07/2015 09:53

This is odd.

The flights are "yours" so I would still take the flights but look at staying somewhere else. If it comes to the bit, it could be fairly far away as the trains in France are excellent. You could make it clear that (whilst disappointed) you don't expect to see him at all whilst you are there - so no stress on his Parents or him.

A suggestion of this is quite reasonable. If he says no, then it flushed out that something not quite right is going on.

Remember: it's not within his gift to say whether you can travel to France or not

AlpacaMyBags · 28/07/2015 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overthemill · 28/07/2015 09:55

I understand that they may not want to meet a perfect stranger when they are ill and feeling vulnerable. I had similar situation when my dsis was desperate for me to meet her new very important to her partner ( after a horrid messy divorce) and kept suggesting it while I had cancer was going through chemo was bald and vomiting pretty much daily. Er, no, I didn't want to meet him or frankly most people. I found it really hard just coping with my own children and their friends/ boy/girl friends even though they were all lovely.

So I wouldn't take it as the End. It may be that they feel rubbish and can't cope. My elderly dad was the same btw. Making an effort to socialise is massive when you are ill.

Morloth · 28/07/2015 09:57

He needs to pay you back for the flights.

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 10:00

I'd love to still go and stay somewhere else but I literally can't afford to - the only reason I was going in the first place was because my parents arranged to pay for it - I live on £70 a month after rent and bills, so no way I can do it

I'm trying not to take it out on him as I know it's not really his fault, but I'm just so disappointed I don't want to see him. We work in the same building, different departments, and I'm in work later today and dreading having to see him. He wants to take me out tonight for a birthday meal instead, but I said I'd rather have the night off. I don't want to punish him or upset him or anything, but I just don't really feel like seeing or talking to him right now, as selfish as that is, and yet I can't really put my finger on why exactly I don't want to see him.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 28/07/2015 10:02

I'd be a bit sceptical at him being so upset at a situation of his own making... It's not like his parents have been in a recent car crash or something, you say they've been ill for months, so presumably nothing's changed since he invited you?
And of course he should reimburse you for the tickets he's decided you're not allowed to use...

storminabuttercup · 28/07/2015 10:03

I don't think you are UR and you should take the cash for the flights. Maybe use that for a nice day out with your mum.

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 10:05

I'm dreading work as well, as everyone's been really excited for me and asking all about it and how the learning French is going etc. All I've heard the last couple of weeks is colleagues asking about it and whether I'm looking forward to it - they know I've had a rough time recently and it's been lovely that people are pleased for me. Now I'm going to look like a right idiot when I tell them I'm not going in the end.

OP posts:

CrispyFern · 28/07/2015 10:08

He should pay you back for the flights and if you don't ask him to, I'm afraid you are being a complete mug.

mayaknew · 28/07/2015 10:09

But it kind of is his fault isn't it ? I don't mean to sound harsh but how much has his parents health deteriorated since booking the holiday ? Because he obviously thought they were ok for you to visit and has now changed his mind .

If he is deciding you've not to go the holiday he needs to foot the bill . Op please please please accept the money off him . Tbh he really should be insisting and not taking no for an answer . As you've said you don't have much money so you can't afford to piss money away .

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 10:10

I do agree with pp saying that he might not be being completely honest with me. As you say, they've been ill for months so I'm not sure what's changed, but then I did wonder if something like this would happen, so maybe part of me expected it.

I'll ask him tomorrow when I see him, or if I get a chance if we're both on break today at work. Something tells me there's more to this than his parents being ill, but u can't think what - our relationship is really good, and as I say, we'd just agreed to move in together as soon as I find a full time job.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 28/07/2015 10:22

He definitely needs to be reimbursing you for your plane ticket. With all due respect, if you don't expect him to do so you are being a mug!

ihatethecold · 28/07/2015 10:32

Why can you only live with him when you have a full time job?

BolshierAyraStark · 28/07/2015 10:35

As he's so upset at you missing out I'm sure he wont mind at all giving you the money back for the flight-tbh though I wouldn't give a shit if he minded, he'd be giving it back-the money was a gift from your mum. The fact you aren't going is down to him so what sort of twat wouldn't reimburse you?
There is definitely more to this & the reason you don't want to see him is because you know this & are, rightly, fucked off with him.

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 10:37

I'll take back the money if he offers again, which knowing him he will.

We tried moving in together before but the landlords won't allow me because I can't prove I'll definitely earn enough to pay the rent on my zero hour contract. It was hard enough convincing my current landlord, and that was when I had a lot more shifts every month.

OP posts:

WayneRooneysHair · 28/07/2015 10:38

He wants to reimburse the OP but she has said no, so calling him a twat is a bit OTT.

calzone · 28/07/2015 10:39

Something doesn't feel right here.......

Thymeout · 28/07/2015 10:44

I agree with Lottie. Elderly? Frail? On-going medical problems? A heat-wave? The last thing I'd want is to meet my ds's girlfriend for the first time and have her stay for a week. Perhaps they've asked him not to bring you just at the moment as they don't think they'd be up to entertaining and would want the visit to go well.

I can see how disappointed you are, Op, but he may have been put in an impossible position.

DoeEyedNear · 28/07/2015 10:44

I reckon he's got a second family or something over there.

That or he's a complete cunt who can't see why his partner who is skint desperately needs a break or at the very least her money back.

Personally I'd be instigating a conversation about this and telling him how you feel.

whois · 28/07/2015 10:45

Take your flights. Buy a cheap tent, roll mat, sleeping bag and camping stove and take yourself off to a beautiful French campsite with lots of good books and have a. I've holiday by yourself. Or book into an AirBnB and have a nice explore.

The flights are yours, use them.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Floggingmolly · 28/07/2015 10:47

Surely he can prove he can pay the rent, op? He's paying rent now... Unless it's a bigger, more expensive place for the two of you?

OhahIlostmybra · 28/07/2015 10:48

If I am not well the last thing I would want is a houseguest I have never met before. And if both my DH and I were not well that would make matters worse. I can see why your DH doesn't think it is a good idea - best for him to be honest than you go and everyone had a tough/awkward time. Am I right in thinking you don't speak the language well either?

Any chance you could try and retrieve the holiday by changing your flights to later in the year or to somewhere else so you can get a break.

JammyGem · 28/07/2015 10:49

I agree ThymeOut, I know it's not his fault and I want his parents to be in good health., not to stress them out. Which is why I'm a bit confused with myself as to why I'm so hurt and don't want to see him, because I know it's just one of those things, can't be helped.

The campsite is good idea. If I can do it really really cheaply I might be able to, although might be pushing it now as it's literally a week today that we were supposed to go.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.