Can I ask what was your cut off age for ttc your last child?

[FragrantBreeze]

Am really interested in this!

I'm 36 and would like to ttc number 3.

Sadly I've just had a MMC so I'm wondering if ttc is a good idea. I'm do feel fit, healthy and young but wonder if my body agrees!

The miscarriage has really thrown me. I've had two straightforward pregnancies with dc1&2, now 2 and 7 months.

Would appreciate honest opinions on this.

Thanks

[TheReason]

I'm similar to you. Have two DCs and two recent late MMCs. Hoping to TTC again as soon as possible.

I met a senior consultant who said the chances of a late MMC happening again are very low - less than 1%. It was just bad luck. I asked about TTC at 36 and he said I don't need to worry. He said in a few years it may be more difficult but there are no issues now. I was happy to hear that.

It's very common where I live for people to have their first DC anytime between 35 and 40. Where SIL is from it's normal to have them earlier - so SIL at her last child at 30.

There's advantages and disadvantages to both. SIL spent her 20's minding babies whereas I got to enjoy my freedom and go travelling for a long time. In some ways I'm jealous of SIL as she will have more time with her children. Also, SIL was talking about how free she will be on her 40's.

I think id be happy to have young children in my 40's as I don't really know what else is he doing. I don't really have many hobbies etc to keep me busy.

[lazydog]

So sorry to hear about your MMC op. I didn't have any specific age in mind as a cutoff point, but only wanted 2 kids and had ds2 when I was 29. In between ds1 and ds2 (3 year age gap) I had 2 miscarriages and if my pregnancy with ds2 hadn't been successful, we'd not have tried again. That decision wouldn't have been because of my age, though...

[Spartans]

I was done by the time I was 29. But tht was because I never wanted more than 2 children. I had them so stopped.

[Superexcited]

I think physical health is far more important than age. We started TTC our last baby when I was 31 but it didn't happen for four years. The age gap between our children is bigger than we would have liked but I am certainly fit and healthy enough to be pregnant.

[ExConstance]

40, I did not want to have another that was born after I was 40. I was 34 with DS1 38 with DS2 and as we had some very bad fiancial times after DS2 was born and I had this worry that it couldn't turn out fine 3x in a row we called it a day. At the time I weas a bit sad not to have had a daughter but it seems irrelevant now.

[willwegetthrough]

I was 39 when DD was born, and was pregnant again when she was almost 2. MC'd, and carried on trying, but didn't get pregnant again. I timed the "cut off" (to the month) so that I wouldn't be 60 with a 16 year old still at school. (Pension age and school leaving age in those days). That just didn't sit right with me - although that's all changed now anyway!

[teddygirlonce]

I didn't have my first DC until 37, then some miscarriages so completed my family at 42 with the birth of DC2. I would never have planned to have a child in my 40s.

My age shows now as I definitely have a lot less energy with DC2 now than I had with DC1 when he was the same age.

And yes, it's noticeable that the childen are getting considerably more expensive as they get older (particularly DC1 at a superselective grammar which is like a money pit!).

We are looking at retiring/paying off our mortgage but only just having DCs emerging from uni years...

[catsmother]

It may not paint me in a good light but I have to confess feeling envious sometimes of those women planning their families whose plans have gone exactly to plan ... as pps have said, it's all very well having an 'ideal' but there are so many variables: when you meet a suitable partner, your career/job, illness, miscarriage, problems conceiving and so on.

When I was younger I always had this idea I'd have completed my family by early 30s at latest. In reality I had my 1st at 25 and my 2nd just shy of 39 - and not through choice but by circumstance. My 'goalposts' moved a lot over the years when things didn't work out as I'd hoped - I did however, end a couple of relationships when it became clear they weren't as committed as I was with a view to having a(nother) child.

I was actively trying for a last child well into my 40s - and became pregnant very quickly twice - but also miscarried twice at 43 and 44 around 9 weeks. Also had an unplanned pregnancy at almost 48 but lost that one too at 12 weeks. Have had 4 mcs in total including one mid 30s. At 50 I'm still having very regular periods and though unlikely it is in theory at least still possible for me to fall pregnant so it's something that still concerns me. The romantic part of me does still have the 'urge' for another child (I actually feel awkward about admitting that because I'm sure some of you reading this will think 'yuck - she's so old') and I definitely still get that physical yearning IYWIM when I see a newborn - though the practical side screams it'd be a bad idea .... though I'm fit and healthy now the chances of my health deteriorating in the next 20 years would be much higher than if I was 20 years younger. Sometimes it hits me how 'strange' it is to still be thinking/worrying about pregnancy at my age at all .... which, I think, is a throwback to the ideal I held for such a long time about having all my kids by 30!

FWIW OP I had my 1st mc at 36 like you and then conceived my 2nd child without any problems at 38. Miscarriage can feel hugely shocking but doesn't mean you won't have subsequent successful pregnancies. The 'cut off' is such a personal thing - only you can decide if and when setting a time to stop trying is the right thing for you and your family. I would say however that personally bringing up my youngest child hasn't been noticeably different to bringing up my first in terms of feeling tired, having patience, effects on my body or anything - though I appreciate I could have been very lucky in that respect. I do firmly believe if you have a 'young' outlook that goes a long way towards these things, assuming you have good physical health as well.

[3littlebadgers]

I think you are the best judge of how you will feel. I understands that empty arm feeling very well. I was 34 when my dc4 was stillborn in March. The heartbreak over her loss is immeasurable. When we were leaving the hospital the midwife said I'll see you back here next year. I was horrified with her but she may be right. I am now 35 and 12 weeks pregnant so basically (minus the two months after she died) I have been pregnant for the past 14 months. I am finding it harder emotionally rather than physically but I think that is down to my bereavement and shock rather than anything else. I have my scan tomorrow and all of a sudden my age seems very much at the front of my mind, and now that I very much know that things can go wrong, for no reason that anyone could find, my fear is huge.
Saying that physically I'm doing really well. I have been careful with the food I eat and I have been taking postnatal and then antenatal supplements I am finding the nausea and exhaustion no worse that I did when I had my first at 25. In fact I might be coping better with it because I know what to expect, it is less of a shock to the system.
I say if you feel up to it, go for it. Good luck

[crazykat]

I'm sorry for your loss op, I've been there and it's horrible.

Having a cut off for ttc is, as others have said, very personal and depends on so many things. I met and married my dh young and had an unplanned dc1 which has had a huge impact on my personal cut off for having a final dc. For me, my cut off would be 30 as that would make an age gap of 11 between my oldest dc and youngest and the theoretical new baby 11 years and 6 years respectively. For me that's the biggest age gap I'd want. It's just my feelings on the matter, no judgement towards anyone else. I'm 27 now but I doubt I'll have another dc, I'd love another but I'm just getting to the point where the start of school is in sight for my youngest and I'm looking forward to finishing my degree and starting a career which another baby would put back several years.

If I'd met my dh later or we'd had our first dc later then my cut off may be different.

As long as you are physically, emotionally and financially capable of looking after a baby then have one as late as you feel able.

[GoooRooo]

Fragrant just to add, I had a MC between DS and this pregnancy, at 39, and this pregnancy has been fine so there's every chance you could have another successful pregnancy but it's such a personal decision.

[fabuLou]

I wanted to be done by 35 and was.

[Asuperwittyquip]

My absolute cut off was 30, I knew from a young age that having children was my priority and I went all out for that. I met my husband at 17 married at 18 had five fantastic childless years then had my first at 23 and second at 26, I wanted a third but due to my PCOS we didn't manage a third successful pregnancy (2 miscarriages) before I was 30 so we stopped. I am now 32 and would still love a third but for me I am too old, Dh is too old(40) and the age gap between any new child is too big.
DH is a third child born when his siblings were 10 and 8 and his parents early forties. He says as a child he felt left out by his siblings and now as an adult feels too young to be dealing with the same elderly parent issues my parents are. FIL is the same age as my grandad. These are all factors in our decision to not ttc again

[Eva50]

I had ds3 at 42. Ds1 and ds2 were almost 11 & 9. It's not how I would have planned it but I had 2 miscarriages and then took 18 months to conceive. I didn't find the pregnancy or the early years any more tiring but he's 9 now and I have had some health problems so I do find it hard going at times.

[knittedyogurt]

35 for me - I had my first at 25 & didn't want to spent more than 10 years having babies! My youngest was born just after I turned 36.

[Athenaviolet]

I was always very worried about ever ttc at 35+ because of all the risks.

When I was a teen I said all done by 25 so they'd be in school by 30. But life's not that simple! Was a single mum which delayed ttc no. 2. Then work (lack of), studying/finances/space in flat etc delayed no.3 for years.

Now I've hit that danger figure but we both want to ttc again. But it will mean a tiny gap which really isn't ideal or what id ever plan for. But the risk of leaving it longer is too high for me so it's that way or nothing.

[Nonie241419]

I always had 35 as my cutoff. I got pg with DC3 at 34 and we're definitely done.

[chiruri]

I've just had DC1 at 29, and I'd hopefully plan to have DC2 (final) by the time I'm 35. There are multiple reasons, including my career and the relative risks of conceiving over 35. I know I'm lucky to be in the position to choose (to a degree) but if I reached 35 and didn't have DC2 (due to career/social/health barriers) I'd probably still ttc until probably close to 40. If you're otherwise healthy then I wouldn't think one MC is a sign that your body isn't up to it. MC are unfortunately very common, even in young, otherwise perfectly fertile women.
I'm sorry for your loss

[appolina]

40 - 42 will be my cut off age. I know a rare couple of friends who had their last children at 45 though, but they were big surprises. Most had their last in mid - late 30s

Sorry about your MMC

[123Jump]

Interesting reading this thread, as DH and I are thinking about a DC4, I'm 40. Feel I need to have made the decision either way by Christmas, as I would be 41 having DC4, and don't want to be older than that.

[beachyhead]

I had dc2 when I was 35 and had two m/c's in the next three years. I wanted to deliver before 40 for my third, which I did with 9 days to spare!

[Smoorikins]

GrimmDamnFanjo - I decided, I'm fairly certain that I could have gone on to conceive more children had I wanted to. I can't begin to imagine why you think otherwise.

[Smileyaxolotl1]

I am 36 and just had my 1st. Had no trouble conceiving and had a very easy pregnancy and birth. Most people I know are still having/planning babies in their mid - late thirties. I would like another in 2017 if poss so would be 37/38. I think 40/41 would be my cut off if I was having trouble conceiving or decided to have a third.

[FragrantBreeze]

I wonder if it can be a regional thing also.

I'm in Ireland and people seem to have children fairly young, generally speaking.

The more I read on this thread, it does give me hope.