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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I ask what was your cut off age for ttc your last child?

149 replies

FragrantBreeze · 27/07/2015 21:45

Am really interested in this!

I'm 36 and would like to ttc number 3.

Sadly I've just had a MMC so I'm wondering if ttc is a good idea. I'm do feel fit, healthy and young but wonder if my body agrees!

The miscarriage has really thrown me. I've had two straightforward pregnancies with dc1&2, now 2 and 7 months.

Would appreciate honest opinions on this.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
FragrantBreeze · 27/07/2015 23:13

Really interesting to hear views on this.

I've never heard of emptied arm syndrome but it describes how I feel so well.

I don't want my last experience of pregnancy to be one that ends in miscarriage and even though it's only been a week, I really want to try again.

I'm going to give my body a chance to recover and then try for a few months.

OP posts:
CordeliaFoxx · 27/07/2015 23:15

My cut off was 30, I had DS3 when I was 29.

turdfairynomore · 27/07/2015 23:16

I had DD at 28 & DS at 31 (1994 & 1997). I would have considered DC3 but OH wasn't so keen but there had never been a definitive decision or discussion. On the morning of my 35th birthday I knew that I'd never have anymore children! It just seemed "right" that I'd moved beyond that stage?!

Rox19 · 27/07/2015 23:21

Max is35 but i was done by 30

Too tiring over 35 (from other mums in bed at 930pm lol etc) and too hard on my body (tough enough medically in20s) and higher risk won't get the flab off!

Older women I know ttc generally stopped after 38y or 2 miscarriages

IssyStark · 27/07/2015 23:27

As a recurrent miscarried, it wasn't age but number of pregnancies for me. I was 35 when ds1 was born (preg no. 3) and after several more mc, decided I'd go as far as 10 pregnancies before giving up. I was 40 and ds2 was the result of pregnancy no. 10.

joybee · 27/07/2015 23:30

Really sorry to hear about your miscarriage Thanks

If I wanted anymore children then the cut off point would be menopause.
Which is late 40s usually in our family.

But only if I remained fit and healthy. Age gaps would not concern me at all.

ChwatFeechers · 27/07/2015 23:34

The age I am now, and have just had my last, 35.

badRoly · 27/07/2015 23:35

35 for me but more about age gaps between DC than my age, as a pp said.

Iggi999 · 27/07/2015 23:38
bec3105 · 27/07/2015 23:39

I wanted my family complete by the time I was 30 so 29 for me.

TheRealMaryMillington · 27/07/2015 23:40

I didn't have a "cut off" and I don't know how an idea like that would help really, it just creates pressure for yourself

But I didn't have my first till 34 and my 3rd (will be my youngest) till 40. The decision not to have any more was less to do with age than money and capacity to look after so many people

grumpysquash · 27/07/2015 23:46

Fragrant, I was ttc DC3 at the age of 36 too. The only difference was that my first two were 3.5 and nearly 2 at that point, so a little step on age-wise from yours. DC3 was born when DC1 was 4.5 years old, they were 5 'school years' apart (I was 37).

For me it wasn't quite so much absolute age as logistics. I couldn't quite imagine, for example, having DC1 in secondary school, DC2 in primary and DC3 in pre-school/nursery. But one in school, 2 in nursery; then 2 in school one in nursery, then a blissful 2 years of all in the same school - that worked well.
When I read your post, my first thought was that it was very soon to ttc after DC2......but I'm not judging, just saying that 36 is not very old to be ttc a 3rd DC.....so take your time, and good luck! Very sorry to hear about the mc, but statistically speaking, most mums of 3DC will have also had one mc. [hope that makes you feel better and a hug if it doesn't]

ListenWillYou · 27/07/2015 23:47

30 was my cut off and I was 30 when I had DC4. My DC are very close in age Confused .

I'm glad as my DC4 is hopefully off to uni this September and I'm still under 50 and DH is only a couple of years older.

It's a personal decision though. What works for you might not work for someone else.

Valsoldknickers · 27/07/2015 23:47

Never, if I could keep going and didn't suffer from horrendous morning sickness! As pp said that's what the menopause is for.

Had last DC a few weeks after my 43rd birthday after a lot of heartache. So 42 was my last conception but not a conscious cutoff. I realise I was in the Last Chance Saloon but the outcome was great thankfully.

Good luck with whatever you decide Flowers

TheRealAmyLee · 27/07/2015 23:47

When I got married we agreed our ideal was 3 before 30 with 2-3 yr gap. We were blessed enough to manage this despite mcs. I feel done at 30 something.

I think it totally depends on your circumstances rather than age.

PogoBob · 27/07/2015 23:49

Claireshh so sorry to hear about your MMC Flowers

grumpysquash · 27/07/2015 23:53

purpleapple
I don't think I can say anything helpful, except for acknowledging what you say [and a hug].

pootlebug · 27/07/2015 23:53

But people's 'cut-off' is so dependent on when they had their first child or children! And in turn, when they met their partner. It's not just a 'I'm too old for this now' number.

My 'cut-off' was dictated not by my age, but by the age of my other two DC - they are close together so I didn't want the third to be too far apart from them. I was 36 but it wasn't about my age - more that I didn't really want more than a 3 year gap between middle and youngest.

Equally a friend of mine is 43 and still trying for her first. She would be the most awesome mum and it would be awful for her to feel she's too old to still try to have the child she and her partner so desperately want.

Strokethefurrywall · 27/07/2015 23:57

38 for me. Am 35 now and DS2 is 16 months. I think the further away I get from the tiny baby stage the less I want to go back to it even though I love the newborn stage.

I'm just finding myself again and what I love doing externally of my family. I think by the time I get to 38 the boys will be at the relatively easy ages of nearly 7 and 3 1/2 and I don't think I'll want to back to pregnancy or potty training!

That said, I've always wanted 3 but I'm hoping as life gets easier I won't want to go back.

I'm so sorry about your loss. You have plenty of time on your side Thanks

Ragwort · 28/07/2015 00:00

I never thought in terms of a 'cut off date' (sounds a bit clinical to me) - I had one baby at age 43. That was right for me, like others have said, I can't imagine becoming a parent in my 20s.

CarlaJones · 28/07/2015 00:03

I didn't have a cut off age. Had my first at 33 and second at 36, but if it hasn't happened I would have carried on trying for my second until it became clear it was never going to happen.

lunalelle · 28/07/2015 00:06

Am 37 and hoping for DC3, possibly also a fourth. Menopause would be the natural cut-off for me.

Allisgood1 · 28/07/2015 00:06

I think 40 is my cut off. I'm 35 now and plan to have my 4th on or before my 37th birthday.

CrispyFern · 28/07/2015 00:07

I didn't really have a cut off date but DH had his feeling that he was too old at 45 so he decided mine for me.

Churchillian · 28/07/2015 00:10

Had my first at 41 and second at 43. I'm 44 now and think that I'm done, but am not 100% sure.